Sunday, April 1, 2018

A to Z Challenge: A is for Alone #singlenessmyth#1

My A to Z Challenge is a blog about singleness.  Some myths, some thoughts, some of the things that I have been learning as a 30 something year old single American woman, in a culture that sees this as something that is less than.....  join me on this journey!

A is for Alone!  Myth #1 Only single people feel alone.

I think that until a couple weeks ago I was determined that married people couldn't possibly understand how alone I feel at times.  It wasn't until I was sitting in a group of women, crying my eyes out at my single state that I realized that this feeling of being alone it isn't just something that I face.  It is a collective feeling.  One that every single person faces at some point in their lives.

But let me say this.... the feeling of being alone... it is very different if you are ALWAYS alone.

For instance I was at dinner with a friend the other night, and this topic actually came up.  She was telling me this story about her married friend.  Her married friend was talking about how her husband had just went on a trip.  The wife was feeling all alone, like she didn't have anyone in the world.  As she was telling this story my friend agreed that is a really bad feeling, but then the wife said that it was so wonderful when she knew that the husband was coming home.  Right?  So.... here's where I am going with this.  A single person never has the hope of that return, right?  That feeling of aloneness is ALWAYS there.

Some singles are just fine with that feeling. They have come to terms with it, or it never bothered them.  Most singles though, they are masking that alone feeling with other things.  Whether that is trying to never be home, or it is drugs, alcohol, companionship, gambling.  In so many forms we try to not feel "alone."  I have a really good guy friend that refuses to ever do anything by himself.  He has never gone to a restaurant by himself, or a movie or anything.  He refuses to do those types of things alone.  Why?  Because he cares about how other people view him.  He thinks that people will judge him for that.  Probably some people do. But really most probably don't even pay any attention.  Sometimes we put way too much stock in what other people think of us, or what we think that other people are thinking of us. 

I have to admit though I do think that some married people feel more alone than certain single people, because they are in a marriage that is not fulfilling them.  Or they are leaning on their spouse to fill a hole that can't be filled by another person.

Why do we feel so afraid of aloneness?  Why are we so judgemental of people that we see at a restaurant by themselves, or a movie?  Instead of judging each other, why don't we embrace each other.  I know for me, I get tired of always having to be the one to text.  I continue to do it, because it is important to me, but I LOVE the moments when a friend texts me and says... hey I have an extra ticket to this you want to go, or I was really missing time with you and thinking we should go have dinner next week.  To me that fills the void of being "alone."

Maybe when we look around us, and see those that need our friendship, our community, our love, we won't have as many people walking around in this world feeling alone, just maybe?


Marcy said...

Very valid thoughts here. I'm not alone, and have rarely been physically alone during my lifetime, but still sometimes have felt incredibly alone. I have four single adult daughters and know that they struggle with lonliness too, some more than others. I think you're on the right track, reaching out to others that need friendship. I do hope that you can often find the friendship and the love that we all crave!

tawnya said...

Thank you!!!! Yes me to! I feel like it is a work in progress, for sure! Thanks for visiting my blog!