The trees looked dead as I walked along the narrow path. Not really understanding what this journey was going to be about, but just knowing that I needed to take it. As I did, I listened to a sermon entitled, "Am I a Good Samaritan?" Whew, as I looked at the world around me I thought about mercy. I thought about what mercy means. Too often I think that I have expected God's mercy. I have just taken for granted the fact that He gives it so freely. I can't do anything to earn it, but He gives it to me. One quote from this sermon is "Mercy sees need and meets it!" - Keith Simon
What does that mean to me? It means that where there is need, my mercy should be meeting that need. I have gotten a little bit of flack from some people that think I am not spending enough time just resting and too much time doing things. I will admit that a couple of weeks ago I felt pretty run down and I almost quit volunteering for a little while. But then I had this moment where I thought... this year is about sacrificially giving up my time for others. Then I heard this sermon today and I thought about all the ways that I don't give mercy.
I thought about how much of the time I put my needs before others. I put my feelings above someone else and I forget to just give without expecting anything back in return. That is the key, right? Not expecting anything back in return. Mercy meets the need without expecting needs to be met back. Mercy says I see how much pain you are in, and I am going to do something about it. That right there is my conviction. I don't want to just say.... oh that really stinks, I am so sorry! No, I want to DO something, I need to do something. If I don't take action when I see someone in need, then what point is there?
My human nature though doesn't want to give mercy to everyone. I want to give mercy to those that show me kindness. I want to give mercy to those that I think deserve it. I don't want to give mercy to those that are rude, or mean, or I feel don't contribute to this community. As I walked I wrestled with that human nature of mine. I thought about the people that I come in contact with that I should be going out of my way too help. Everyday I come in contact with at least one person that needs to feel loved. What am I doing to show them mercy? How am I meeting those needs?
I don't get to pick and choose who gets mercy. Mercy is for everyone. To love well is to show mercy. To love well, is to meet needs. To love well is to give sacrificially. To love well, means understanding people, their stories, and seeing what they have come through. So this week, I hope I can be a giver of mercy to everyone I meet.
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Monday, January 22, 2018
When I judge...
My eyes scan the room, and I try to figure out the thoughts of those lives being lived out in front of my face. I look for the slightest glimpse of acknowledgement, the slightest understanding of what they might be going through, and most of the time I fail. You see most of the time they don't want to share their stories. They don't want to let people in too far because they are afraid of being hurt. They are afraid of the pain that someone could cause them if they knew the truth. So, sometimes I make up my own stories, I put elaborate tales to faces, I dream amazing dreams for them, and I hope that one day their situation won't require them to check in each evening, and out each morning, reserving a small cot for a safe place to lay their head before they depart for a day of walking, working, and trying to survive in the bitter cold.
I want to break down their walls, I want to get to know who they are, how they got in the situations they did, and how I could possibly help them get out of it. But sometimes our role isn't a fixer, or even a listener. Sometimes it is just the role of being present. Being present to get a fresh pillow for someone's head. Being present to fill up the water container so that thirst is quenched. Being present to make sure that everyone can feel safe no matter what their circumstances are.
In the past I know that I have judged, quite harshly in fact. I saw people, dirty, poor and I judged them. I judged them based on my own bias, my own experiences. I judged them because I thought that all they had to do in order to have a place to be, in order to not live life on the streets was find a job, and try really hard.
That's not always the case though, is it? We like to tell other people's stories for them. We like to say if only you do this, or that... then you will find yourself not living life poor, and homeless. You will find yourself successful. We like to think that we know best for everyone, while our own life is falling apart right around us. We like to think that we could never be in that situation. Some of us probably couldn't. I know that it helps me to know that I have people I can turn to, people that would take me in a moment's notice and give me what I needed in order to not have to live on the streets just scraping by. I know that.
I don't know what it is, to look around a room full of people, and truly trust no one. I don't know what it feels like to think that everyone is out to get me. That if I turn my back even for one second the suitcase with all my worldly possessions might be snatched away from me without a moment's notice. I don't know what that is like.
My eyes continue to scan the room, as I observe and do the best I can to be present in these people's lives. To not judge them for the stories that I have yet to learn. To understand them in the best way I can. To cherish the moments when I get to talk about the football game that ended only hours before, or what the Superbowl is going to look like in a couple of weeks. I cherish the moments when someone shows me a little more about the homeless community so that I don't make a complete idiot of myself doing something that I did in ignorance.
I want to see people's stories when I look at them. I want to earn their trust. I don't want to walk around life, not engaging, not feeling, and not loving. But how do I love when I am being held at arm's length. How do I love when I feel like they don't want love back? How do see past the hardness in those eyes, and view the hurt and pain that has caused so much blockage?
I see you, your eyes they tell me a story
One of pain, sadness, and regret
I want you to know that you aren't forgotten
Your story it's important
The flecks of sadness try to stream down
Your face scrunches up, and you look quickly away
I want to reach over and wipe that tear
But I know that my hand might cause more pain
I want you to know that you mean so much
This world it needs you, your creative touch
Our community wouldn't be the same without your presence
Never doubt that you are wanted, needed and loved
It seems like your eyes are full of layers of mistrust
People have let you down more than it seems possible for the short life you have lived
You try your best to put up a fight
But you keep getting dragged down, by the obstacles in each place you step
You feel beaten, abused, mistreated, and unloved
You feel caged, like you will never get a break from the pain
You want to succeed, you try your best to keep running the race
But it seems like someone is always there to trip you and make you fall on your face
I want you to know that you aren't alone
I want you to know that you do have a home
It may not be physical, you might not be able to touch it
But you have a place to be safe and reside while you transition
For love doesn't need four walls and a door
The love that I share is undoubtedly more
It stretches beyond what you can even comprehend
It is bigger and wider than the cot you sleep in
This love it breaks down the walls that you have built
It spans through the mistrust, the abuse and the threats
This love is overflowing, and I have no doubt
Once you feel it, you will understand that you were always part of the plan
Don't doubt who you are, why you were created or what you have to do
You are a part of this community, and for that I am thankful
Your eyes they tell your story
Fleck by fleck, layer by layer I understand
I'm thankful that you are here,
Don't ever give up on who you want to be
Don't let them drag you down, or change your dreams
You were made for great things, and you mean so much
This world needs you, and your creative touch
I want to break down their walls, I want to get to know who they are, how they got in the situations they did, and how I could possibly help them get out of it. But sometimes our role isn't a fixer, or even a listener. Sometimes it is just the role of being present. Being present to get a fresh pillow for someone's head. Being present to fill up the water container so that thirst is quenched. Being present to make sure that everyone can feel safe no matter what their circumstances are.
In the past I know that I have judged, quite harshly in fact. I saw people, dirty, poor and I judged them. I judged them based on my own bias, my own experiences. I judged them because I thought that all they had to do in order to have a place to be, in order to not live life on the streets was find a job, and try really hard.
That's not always the case though, is it? We like to tell other people's stories for them. We like to say if only you do this, or that... then you will find yourself not living life poor, and homeless. You will find yourself successful. We like to think that we know best for everyone, while our own life is falling apart right around us. We like to think that we could never be in that situation. Some of us probably couldn't. I know that it helps me to know that I have people I can turn to, people that would take me in a moment's notice and give me what I needed in order to not have to live on the streets just scraping by. I know that.
I don't know what it is, to look around a room full of people, and truly trust no one. I don't know what it feels like to think that everyone is out to get me. That if I turn my back even for one second the suitcase with all my worldly possessions might be snatched away from me without a moment's notice. I don't know what that is like.
My eyes continue to scan the room, as I observe and do the best I can to be present in these people's lives. To not judge them for the stories that I have yet to learn. To understand them in the best way I can. To cherish the moments when I get to talk about the football game that ended only hours before, or what the Superbowl is going to look like in a couple of weeks. I cherish the moments when someone shows me a little more about the homeless community so that I don't make a complete idiot of myself doing something that I did in ignorance.
I want to see people's stories when I look at them. I want to earn their trust. I don't want to walk around life, not engaging, not feeling, and not loving. But how do I love when I am being held at arm's length. How do I love when I feel like they don't want love back? How do see past the hardness in those eyes, and view the hurt and pain that has caused so much blockage?
I see you, your eyes they tell me a story
One of pain, sadness, and regret
I want you to know that you aren't forgotten
Your story it's important
The flecks of sadness try to stream down
Your face scrunches up, and you look quickly away
I want to reach over and wipe that tear
But I know that my hand might cause more pain
I want you to know that you mean so much
This world it needs you, your creative touch
Our community wouldn't be the same without your presence
Never doubt that you are wanted, needed and loved
It seems like your eyes are full of layers of mistrust
People have let you down more than it seems possible for the short life you have lived
You try your best to put up a fight
But you keep getting dragged down, by the obstacles in each place you step
You feel beaten, abused, mistreated, and unloved
You feel caged, like you will never get a break from the pain
You want to succeed, you try your best to keep running the race
But it seems like someone is always there to trip you and make you fall on your face
I want you to know that you aren't alone
I want you to know that you do have a home
It may not be physical, you might not be able to touch it
But you have a place to be safe and reside while you transition
For love doesn't need four walls and a door
The love that I share is undoubtedly more
It stretches beyond what you can even comprehend
It is bigger and wider than the cot you sleep in
This love it breaks down the walls that you have built
It spans through the mistrust, the abuse and the threats
This love is overflowing, and I have no doubt
Once you feel it, you will understand that you were always part of the plan
Don't doubt who you are, why you were created or what you have to do
You are a part of this community, and for that I am thankful
Your eyes they tell your story
Fleck by fleck, layer by layer I understand
I'm thankful that you are here,
Don't ever give up on who you want to be
Don't let them drag you down, or change your dreams
You were made for great things, and you mean so much
This world needs you, and your creative touch
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Addicted, and what I am doing about it....
I would have never openly admitted that I was addicted to FB. I mean I could control it right? Until that moment when I realized that I couldn't. I think it was when I realized that I was scrolling mindlessly through, or when I was wondering why this person liked that person's status but not mine that I realized I had to do something about it. Then I had a conversation with a co-worker. In that conversation he reminded me just how superficial FB can be. It makes us think that all these people are our friends, that we have these close intimate relationships with 500 some people across the world, when in reality I probably only talk to a handful of them... and some I don't even remember how we became FB friends in the first place.
So I deleted FB. Actually I didn't just delete it, I deactivated it. I will even go so far as to say that I didn't want to do the reactivate in 7 days thing, because I wanted to disappear for a little while. It was about breaking an addiction. I was addicted to checking it. I was addicted to the number of likes I was getting. I was addicted to letting everyone know exactly what I was doing. In some instances it was way too much information.
The best thing I did was deactivate FB. It had become an addiction, even more than that it had become my idol. The thing that I was putting above everything and everyone else. The thing I was going to find my worth and value. It was taking up more than 50% of my time, and if I am actually honest it was taking up more like 95%.
Do you know what happens when you get rid of addiction and idols? You get a clearer picture of the things that you were confused about or trying to understand in your life. When I got rid of FB, I was able to pray a lot more, and hear His voice tell me some things that I needed to hear.
I will admit that I almost replaced the FB addiction with another addiction that is far worse, but they both at the root of the problem stem from wanting attention. Wanting to be loved and valued. Wanting people to like me. So, as I continue to search out ways to get rid of addictions, and idols, I look up, and realize that we all have them. We all are addicted to one thing or another. We all have those go-to's that we can't seem to get rid of.
I think the first step is to acknowledge it though. The first step is to say, this is a problem, and I have to do something about it.
I'm not perfect, and I will never pretend to be. I am sure that there will come a day when I need to deactivate FB again, but for now I look at the other idols in my life that are trying to steal my time. I am honest with myself that there are plenty of them.
I don't want addiction, and idols to hold me back, or cloud my vision for where I am supposed to be. The minute I take my eyes off of my God, that's when I am going to lose His purpose and plan. So, I keep pressing forward, recognizing my weaknesses, and my go-to stress relievers, and I take it one day at a time.
For now I have been released by the hold FB had on me, there is something else I need to be released from, but I realize it is an addiction that has a great hold on me. So, it is going to take a little more time. But I have a God on my side, that won't let me fail. That my friends, is what I put my hope in. I'm never too far removed that He can't grab a hold of me, and lead me through that foggy, unclear mess.
So I deleted FB. Actually I didn't just delete it, I deactivated it. I will even go so far as to say that I didn't want to do the reactivate in 7 days thing, because I wanted to disappear for a little while. It was about breaking an addiction. I was addicted to checking it. I was addicted to the number of likes I was getting. I was addicted to letting everyone know exactly what I was doing. In some instances it was way too much information.
The best thing I did was deactivate FB. It had become an addiction, even more than that it had become my idol. The thing that I was putting above everything and everyone else. The thing I was going to find my worth and value. It was taking up more than 50% of my time, and if I am actually honest it was taking up more like 95%.
Do you know what happens when you get rid of addiction and idols? You get a clearer picture of the things that you were confused about or trying to understand in your life. When I got rid of FB, I was able to pray a lot more, and hear His voice tell me some things that I needed to hear.
I will admit that I almost replaced the FB addiction with another addiction that is far worse, but they both at the root of the problem stem from wanting attention. Wanting to be loved and valued. Wanting people to like me. So, as I continue to search out ways to get rid of addictions, and idols, I look up, and realize that we all have them. We all are addicted to one thing or another. We all have those go-to's that we can't seem to get rid of.
I think the first step is to acknowledge it though. The first step is to say, this is a problem, and I have to do something about it.
I'm not perfect, and I will never pretend to be. I am sure that there will come a day when I need to deactivate FB again, but for now I look at the other idols in my life that are trying to steal my time. I am honest with myself that there are plenty of them.
I don't want addiction, and idols to hold me back, or cloud my vision for where I am supposed to be. The minute I take my eyes off of my God, that's when I am going to lose His purpose and plan. So, I keep pressing forward, recognizing my weaknesses, and my go-to stress relievers, and I take it one day at a time.
For now I have been released by the hold FB had on me, there is something else I need to be released from, but I realize it is an addiction that has a great hold on me. So, it is going to take a little more time. But I have a God on my side, that won't let me fail. That my friends, is what I put my hope in. I'm never too far removed that He can't grab a hold of me, and lead me through that foggy, unclear mess.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Guarding Your Heart.... Research Begins
The past few years, well really if I am honest probably the past 6 years because I didn't even care about starting to date till I hit 30... I mean not really. Anyways.. the past 6ish years I have struggled with guarding my heart, and what that means. I have watched friends get their hearts broken, I have watched marriages of people that I love and admire crumble, and I have seen people so guarded that they can't let anyone in. It seems to me that there is this struggle we have, well maybe I am alone in it. But this struggle between letting someone in enough to know if they belong in our lives, and not letting them in to hurt us, or go beyond where they should.
In some circles it is referred to as "guarding your heart."
I pretty much have heard that term used since I was in the youth group, but I am not sure that I ever really understood what it meant, or even now could put into words what that exactly means to me as a 36 year old, damaged, single woman. How do I guard my heart, but still let people in? Now I am not just talking about romantic feelings here, I mean even friendships, right? Because we have to be able to set boundaries for others. If we don't then people use up all of our energy, time, and leave nothing left behind. I am all for being a loving friend, that is not what I am getting at here. I just think that we have lost what it means to guard your heart. Somehow we have to do better at teaching our kids, ourselves, and our communities this very important concept.
I do think that in part it has to do with boundaries. So... I am setting off on a journey of discovery. I want to learn this year how to guard my heart, and how to teach others how to guard their hearts. How to have healthy boundaries with people, so that I can love them the way they need to be loved. So that I am without a doubt living my most intentional, authentic life.
I don't think it is going to be an easy journey, in fact I think that there are going to be some tough moments, because we all like to think that we have this boundaries/guarding thing under control... when in reality we probably don't at all.
I would love thoughts and input from others. I have a quick survey to get me started, that I would urge you to fill out if you haven't already.... it will help me start this process......
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe5CG1LAB0DZgqFPKEItCN0Wn7xAEqGM5PgG7jyXFrnHlQ3QA/viewform?usp=sf_link
If you filled the survey out thank you! I appreciate you helping me take another step along this journey....
I am excited to see where it leads me!
In some circles it is referred to as "guarding your heart."
I pretty much have heard that term used since I was in the youth group, but I am not sure that I ever really understood what it meant, or even now could put into words what that exactly means to me as a 36 year old, damaged, single woman. How do I guard my heart, but still let people in? Now I am not just talking about romantic feelings here, I mean even friendships, right? Because we have to be able to set boundaries for others. If we don't then people use up all of our energy, time, and leave nothing left behind. I am all for being a loving friend, that is not what I am getting at here. I just think that we have lost what it means to guard your heart. Somehow we have to do better at teaching our kids, ourselves, and our communities this very important concept.
I do think that in part it has to do with boundaries. So... I am setting off on a journey of discovery. I want to learn this year how to guard my heart, and how to teach others how to guard their hearts. How to have healthy boundaries with people, so that I can love them the way they need to be loved. So that I am without a doubt living my most intentional, authentic life.
I don't think it is going to be an easy journey, in fact I think that there are going to be some tough moments, because we all like to think that we have this boundaries/guarding thing under control... when in reality we probably don't at all.
I would love thoughts and input from others. I have a quick survey to get me started, that I would urge you to fill out if you haven't already.... it will help me start this process......
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe5CG1LAB0DZgqFPKEItCN0Wn7xAEqGM5PgG7jyXFrnHlQ3QA/viewform?usp=sf_link
If you filled the survey out thank you! I appreciate you helping me take another step along this journey....
I am excited to see where it leads me!
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