Monday, March 13, 2017

Marriage and Mom Life

I can't really blame them.  I mean, it is a natural part of life that people get married and have kids. So, when you are going through 1 Peter, you are going to naturally talk about marriage and roles and all that jazz.  It totally makes sense.  Here's the thing though.... I loathe it. 

I don't loathe it in the same way I loathe coming across a spider in my shower, or a snake along the trail I am hiking.  I loathe it in the same way that I loathe ice cream, or pizza.  It is that I long for it, but I know that I shouldn't partake in it kind of loathing.  Now, don't misunderstand I totally want to be married and have kids one day.... but unfortunately the closer I get to 40, the less likely I think that is going to happen. 

So I literally cringed when the email came that said for our singles monthly gathering we would be talking about marriage, dating, and 1 Peter 3. 

Now I will say this..... it was one of the best talks I have heard in regards to this.  Was there any new information.... maybe... but most of it is stuff that I have heard before. 

Here's the thing...I completely (okay well...mostly) understand what 1 Peter 3 talks about in regards to married men/women.  What I don't understand though is the "weaker" talk and how it applies to me as someone who isn't married, and doesn't have any prospects lined up around the corner? 

I feel like I was kind of content with my singleness once again until last night came and brought up those natural desires that are rooted deep in my soul for a husband and kids.  So... how do I go back to being content, and waiting patiently? 

I love the "God's timing" stuff. Especially when I hear it from friends that have been through it and hated when people used to say that to them.  Ofcourse it is God's timing, right?  Ofcourse!  But if you are the one waiting it sure does stink in the midst of it. 

I think the worst part for me is getting to see everyone else hashtag   #wifey #momlife #myboys #momofboys, knowing and accepting (most days) that might not be a role I ever get to hold. 

In a world full of couples and parents, how do I not place my value and worth in that?  In a world where people want to match you up with anyone at the slightest thought that you have anything in common, how do you keep having standards and boundaries? 

We were made for connection and community.  We were made for relationships.  Yet, I find myself feeling pretty lonely and abnormal a lot of the time.  I am trying my hardest not to.  I am trying my hardest not to just give in and settle for someone that is truly not worth settling for, but the more friends that leave me to get married and have babies...the easier it is to just want to choose the next decent guy that comes around. 

So for now I don't really know how to correctly live single in a world where singleness is frowned upon and seen by many as "not living up to your potential."  I am not sure what the right answer is.  I do know this....if I ever do get married and have kids I will not leave my single friends behind.  I will not do it.  I refuse to be that person, because it sucks to be on the other side of that.  It sucks to feel less than because you are not married, or don't have kids. 

I choose to continue to seek the way to live fulfilled in a world where fulfillment is often measured in our relationships and families.  I choose to continue to seek to live with raw authenticity about my feelings.  This is one of those posts.  I am not feeling sorry for myself... it is more of a quest for my role, and how to live the best I can in the role I have been given. 

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