A to Z Challenge: D is for Diapers, Diapers, Diapers! #singlenessmyth#4

My A to Z Challenge is a blog about singleness.  Some myths, some thoughts, some of the things that I have been learning as a 30 something year old single American woman, in a culture that sees this as something that is less than.....  join me on this journey!

D is for Diapers, Diapers, Diapers!  Myth #4:  Single people don't have as much stress or worry, because they don't have any kids.  They are free to do whatever they want, whenever they want. 


When I was living in Thailand, for a little while I was helping out a mom every Saturday for a few hours.  It was a way for me to see how she did life with a husband and for kids, and honestly I feel like it was a way for her to get free help.  It taught me a lot though.  It taught me a lot about being a mom, but it also taught me a lot about how single people should be treated.  I never once thought I was less than around this woman.  She never once made me feel like because I wasn't raising 4 girls I wasn't living life.  But I don't always feel that way. 


I think that sometimes we can't help but look at other people's situations and think that we have it way worse than they do, right?  So when we comment about someone else's life being more exciting, or when we say to our single friend, well just be thankful that you aren't at home changing dirty diapers... well that can kind of sting sometimes to the single person that would love to be doing just that.


I'm not aiming for a pity party.  I am just trying to help people see the way that single people, especially single 30 and 40 year olds without kids, never been married are treated at times.  Even by their closest friends. 


I don't have kids, so I am not going to fit in every circle.  I get that.  But what I don't get is why my friendships now have to revolve around my friend's kids.  Yes, I want to get to know their kids.  I want to love on them, and they are a part of my community.  Sometimes though it is okay to make time for your single friends outside of asking them to babysit, or expecting them to be the entertainment while you do what you need to do.  Sometimes I think that we get so wrapped up in ourselves (me included) that we forget to stop and put ourselves in the other person's position. 


Everyone has stress and worry.  Everyone needs time to just breathe and relax.  I get that I don't know what it is like to be a mom.  I get that changing diapers everyday, and hardly talking to another adult can be tough.  I haven't lived that, but I get it.  What I don't get is judging someone because they are not walking in your shoes.  Don't judge my life because I am not staying at home changing diapers.  That isn't my story right now, it may never be, but that doesn't make my life less worth something... just like it doesn't make someone who chooses to be a mom less than either. 


Our journeys and roles are unique.  Sometimes it is okay to take a step back, stop talking about diaper changes, and get to know each other as adults without the kids around.  Then after that time is over, you spend all the time, focus, and energy on those darling kids.  Community and friendships are worth it, even if it takes a little bit of sacrifice.