Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Working out = happiness... maybe?

Last week I worked out everyday for 6 days in a row!  It was amazing!  I was on such a high...until the same old things creeped in that have just been creeping in for the past 7 months.  The things that people say and do that upset and hurt me...they continue to just pin me to the wall and make me want to hide in a far away place and never return. 

Why is it that I want so bad to be liked, yet not at the same time.  I guess it is more that I just want people to understand that NO ONE is perfect.  I mean seriously we aren't.  None of us are.  So.... when people want to be mean...I just want to say....


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Working Out Is So GOOOOD!

Two days in a row!  I'm making a record here people!  I joined the gym last weekend because it truly is the ONLY way I will be consistent with working out.  I have at least 3 runs that I want to participate in this year, so I really do have to get moving with this training.  I also find that working out helps me look at the world with a little more grace.

Today my heart is once again in a place of hurting and pain.  I am not really sure how I keep getting to this place, but I just want it to be over.  Why do we have to hurt each other?  The truth is that if I was truly living my authentic self, and you were truly living your authentic self, would we hurt each other?

I have to say no to that.  I mean if I really think about it...if I was living my authentic self then I would have no doubts about who I was as a person.  I would have no doubts about my abilities to lead, love, laugh and live.  Those doubts are what clouds my mind.  Those doubts are what allows me to get hurt by other people's choices.

I only have control over my own choices.  That's the truth.  I can't control my students, I can't control my sisters, my parents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, I can't even control my best friends.  I can only control myself.  I can only be the best version of myself.  I can only be authentic.

How can I be authentic in my teaching?

****First of all I think I can do the best that I can for today.  I don't have to compete with the best blogger teachers out there.  (Because I will fail).

*****I teach my students to love, even in the midst of trials, hurt and frustration.

*****I make the most of the day.  Even when I myself am having a bad day.  I teach anyways.

How can I be authentic in my relationships?

*****I need to be myself.  I need to not be afraid to say the hard things.  I need to be willing to be vulnerable with those around me.

***** I need to love without expecting anything in return.

***** I need to give my time, but know my limits.

*****  I need to be honest and say when I need someone to be there for me.  I need to cry out when I need to cry out, and be silent when I need to check my heart.

How can I be authentic with my family?

*****Love them, even in the midst of misunderstandings.

****Trust them to always be there for me no matter what.

*****Lean on them, even when I would rather be on my own.

*****Show them my vulnerabilities

How can I be authentic with myself?

*****Be honest with myself when I make a mistake, pick myself up, dust off and move on...don't dwell!

*****Reflect often, don't be afraid to just WRITE IT OUT

*****Say 5 positive things about me every morning

****Start my day without FB

****Don't be afraid to LOVE

Being authentic, it's what I'm about right now.  I don't really know how, but I know its what I need to do.

Being the authentic me!

Monday, February 2, 2015

February's Authentic Self

The month of February has always been the worst month for me.  No, it's not because of V-day and it being a single awareness month.  It's nothing like that.  It just seems that February usually brings a lot of loss in my life.  I usually lost people, whether it is just the loss of a relationship or if it is the loss of someone due to death...February just always seems to be the month that those things happen the most. 

This year isn't any different.  This year I started February mourning a relationship that I thought I had already been moving on from.  I guess mourning goes in different stages and this time I really just wanted it to hurt less, but instead it hurt more.  So much more actually.  I just don't want to think about that person because all I do is just want him back in my life. 

The thing is that I am not going to allow February to hold this negative cycle of loss.  I don't want to constantly be dreading the month of February.  So, I choose instead to focus on something that I heard yesterday at church. 

How can I be the best me?  How can I become my authentic self? 

Do I even know who my authentic self is? 

I'd like to think so, but deep down I know that I probably don't.  I know that my self changes depending on who I am around and who I am trying to impress.  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Why do we continue in this pattern of being who we think everyone wants us to be instead of just being who we are. 

So this month of February I am going to try to post a lot about being my true authentic self.  Care to join me on this journey???