Monday, April 2, 2018

A to Z Challenge: B is for Brave #singlenessmyth#2

My A to Z Challenge is a blog about singleness.  Some myths, some thoughts, some of the things that I have been learning as a 30 something year old single American woman, in a culture that sees this as something that is less than.....  join me on this journey!

Be is for Brave!  Myth #2:  You are so brave to stay single, and wait for the right person!

Oftentimes I feel like this phrase is said in the sweetest most condescending way.  If you have ever, or thought you might ever say this to someone.... DON'T!

People who are single, and have been single for their whole life, do not know anything different.  It is not that we are brave to not get married.  Bravery has nothing to do with it in my opinion.  Because when I think of bravery, I think of facing something that I have a choice in.  Like I have a choice to hike 10 miles today.  I am brave when I face that 10 miles and do it.  When I think about my singleness, it doesn't feel like I want someone measuring my bravery, because it isn't a choice that I am making in a brave way.  It is not like I am having to face these obstacles in order to stay single, right?

So I would rather people not see me as being brave for being single, I would rather you see me as being brave for being my most authentic self, for loving people even when it is hard, and for being willing to go on spontaneous adventures.  I would rather my singleness not be what defines me, but rather who I am as a person, and what I am doing with this life I have been given.

Maybe other people feel differently.  I think for some there might be a need for bravery.  But it is not something that anyone wants pity for.  Being single is not a curse that needs fixed.  None of us are half of a person walking around until we find that "one."  Maybe that is what the bravery is for?

Bravery to step outside of the box and have conversations with the community.  Whether you are single or not.  Bravery to meet someone that isn't like you, to engage in a conversation that you don't necessarily agree on.  Maybe that is the bravery of humanity.  Looking at someone and not just seeing them for what you can see on the outside, but getting to know their story, and understanding their heart.  So, maybe being human, is grasping being brave.  Maybe we all could use a little more of it, and this world might just start to be a  less scary, less selfish place.


Namratha said...

The line I liked the best was ' we arent walking around as half a person until we meet the one'

And brave is definitely not the right way to define anyone based on their single or couple status

Chipko(again) @ NamySaysSo

Haneen Ibrahim said...

I agree wholeheartedly.

Blogs at: I Will Never Give you Up

Weekends in Maine said...

I think your definition of brave makes a lot of sense. And, you're right that "being single is not a curse that needs to be fixed" and it certainly isn't the defining trait of a person. Weekends In Maine

Leanne said...

I think there is a degree of bravery in facing social situations without a wingman (for want of a better word). Sometimes it can be really hard to go into the world without back up and I truly believe it takes courage to initiate conversations and to front up alone to events. So you are brave - in many different ways :)

Leanne |
C for Consider Every Angle