A to Z Challenge: E is for Expectations #singlenessmyth#5

My A to Z Challenge is a blog about singleness.  Some myths, some thoughts, some of the things that I have been learning as a 30 something year old single American woman, in a culture that sees this as something that is less than.....  join me on this journey!

E is for Expectations.  Myth #5:  You will find the one, if you just pray hard enough, and stop looking. 




This is my LEAST favorite phrase maybe in the history of things that have been said to me.  Although another one that comes to mind is "you know you have to settle down and get married sometime."  That one was said to me right before I left the country for Thailand. 


These phrases make it seem like there is nothing else to achieve in life besides marriage.  They also make it seem like it is the single person's fault if they aren't finding "the one."  You aren't praying hard enough, or you are looking too hard.  Do you see how that could make someone feel like it is their fault that they are still single?  It could totally turn a person's view of God and the way He works completely upside down. 


We have to stop saying these things to people.  We have to stop because it is giving people a since of false hope, and it is putting all of our value in being married, and that's just not where our value should be. 


Not everyone will get married.  Not everyone will have kids, and that is okay.  There is no law in this world or even in the Bible that says every single person must get married, and have kids.  It's not there, trust me I've looked.  We aren't guaranteed to find a match.  In many cases, it would probably be worse if we did, because it would not be a good match.  It would be someone that we had just settled for.  Is that what you want of your single friends and relatives?  For them to settle for something less than? 


Not to long ago I was talking to someone about this, and I went through my whole speech, and talked about how I wasn't going to wait around.  I was going to live my life, pursue going back overseas and not put my worth and value in finding "the one."  Do you know what happened next.... they said... "yes and you never know, you just might find him in the next country you go to."  Ugh.  Do you see how this goes against everything that I am talking about.  That's not the point.  The point is not to hop from one country to the next trying to find my "husband."  Because what if I never get married?  What if that is my journey?  Then I have wasted a lot of time looking for someone that doesn't exist.  Instead of putting that time and energy into loving others. 


I have to change my expectations.  We as a culture have to change our expectations. We have to stop trying to fix everything.  We have to start looking at people and seeing them.  Seeing their stories, as individual journeys.  Not comparing them to our own.  Realizing that singleness or marriage, or co-habituating... each of those have positives and negatives.  But please, for the sake of your single friends... stop putting the expectation on them that they just need to pray harder or stop looking.  Once you stop putting expectations on people, you find that they stop putting expectations on you, too.