A to Z Blogging Challenge: I is for Ignoring Lies #singlenessmyth#9

My A to Z Challenge is a blog about singleness.  Some myths, some thoughts, some of the things that I have been learning as a 30 something year old single American woman, in a culture that sees this as something that is less than.....  join me on this journey

I is for Ignoring Lies.  Singleness Myth #9:  You are single because you are not good enough to find someone there is something wrong with you.  


I am going to warn you this post is going to get a little emotional.  It is going to be raw, and personal.  So, if that isn't what you are wanting from this challenge... then maybe skip to one of the other posts.  

I have never been the girl that men fell head over heels for.  I am not the prettiest person in the world.  My eyes they are probably the one part of me that I have been complimented on the most.  I am not skinny, I think I was for awhile in elementary school, and junior high if I am honest.  But then something happened and it became a struggle.  Then it became the thing that caused me to think that I would never find someone.  It caused me to question my beauty.  It caused me to question my worth, and it allowed me to put myself in a category that I just never have gotten myself out of.  

Not too long ago I had to question a few choices that I had made, and the reasons that I had allowed men at different points in my dating experience to treat me the way that they did.  I had to ask myself why I was allowing giving in to men that weren't even trying to win me over.  Why was I just giving in to say yes when they treated me like crap. I had to ask myself why.  

It is because I believed the lies that I had heard, that I had seen when I watched different shows.  I believed that you were only worthy of love if you were skinny, pretty, kind and someone's idea of a perfect woman.  How many of us have believed these lies?  How many of us still do?  We allow words that have been said to us play over and over again in our mind, and create in us this awful feeling of self hate and disappointment.  

I've had people tell me that I'm wrong.  Here's the thing though, those same people after they tell me that there is nothing wrong with me having never been married or had kids at the age of 36 are the same people that look at me with pity in their eyes.  You see I really did care more about living overseas, and sharing love with people in another country than I did finding a husband right out of college.  Because of that though I feel like I have lost my chance.  It is hard for me to believe that I am single, but it has nothing to do with the way I look, or how I am.  

It is hard for me to believe that I am the only one that feels this way.  

So I take time to look at the lies.  The negative thoughts that want to distract me from living the best life that God has for me.  If I let those lies get to me.  If I allow myself to think about the guys that have been best friends with me, and then told me I wasn't dating or marriage material.  If I allow those words too penetrate my heart, then I will never be able to live this life and give of myself for others.  I will allow the hurt and pain to be too much.  That's not what I want.  I don't want to live anything but the best journey I can.  So, when those lies spring up, I replace them with truths.  

These truths:  

I was created for a purpose.

I am loved.  

I don't have to be married to make a difference in this world.  

I have a family that cares about me and would do anything for me.  

I am worthy of love.  

Everyone is weird.  

I am not too damaged to be loved.  

I was made for community, and to serve those around me.  

These truths help me to let go of those lies, and focus on what's important.