Gaining a new focus...

Lent is supposed to be a time when I am able to focus on God, and sacrifice.  Instead I feel like a million things have been trying to distract me.  Feelings, emotions, and experiences have been trying to push me off the tracks.  Something happened with a friend, that broke my heart, and instead of letting it go, I keep dwelling on it and allowing it to hold onto me.  I feel like I am tethered to the bottom of the ocean, and every time I reach the surface I take a big breath, only to be swept under again.  I keep replaying things in my mind.  You see I don't want to lose this person, but I feel like it is time for me to step back away from them for a little while.  I need space and time to heal. 

Then today I was reading the Lent Devotional that was sent to me.  In it the focus was on searching for God.  It struck me that during this time, I haven't really been searching for God.  I gave up FB, and IG and I should have replaced that with this quest to get to know God better.  Instead I somehow replaced it with this quest to find someone to date.  So, I have let myself be distracted, be in my feelings, and focus on things that just aren't that important in the grand scheme of life. 

Instead I want to focus on what I can do for God's people.  It occurred to me yesterday as I drove around downtown, and saw some of the homeless people that I have been able to interact with in the shelter, that I know them.  I know their names.  I recognize them.  They are people that I have come to love, people that I understand more than some friends.  They are people that I get to interact with, and I am so thankful for that. 

So, today I stop and look for God.  I look for Him in people, I look for Him in experiences, and I take a deep breath while I recognize that my focus needs to change.  My hurt and pain is nothing compared to what some go through.  My reliance on God can't come in waves, it has to be steady.  For He is unchanging, and He is all-knowing.  I don't know why I had to lose my friend.  I am not sure why I can't feel content with singleness, but He meets me in those moments.  He helps me focus up, when my focus can't help but be all around.