We set our self up for so much hurt and pain when we are not able to sit still in the quiet. When we are so busy moving from place to place that we don't have time to just be still and ponder the things that we feel deep inside our soul.
Today my heart is a little bit broken and a little bit sad, but in the stillness and quiet I am able to know that I will not always feel this way. I know that this is just a little bit of time in the grand scheme of life. I know that it is drawing me in to a deeper longing for Jesus.
I had to stop and ask myself this question today while listening to the sermon:
Do I want Jesus, or just what He can give me?
Is my life about Jesus, and getting to know Him in the depths of who I am? Or is it just what I get from knowing Him? Or is it just what I get period?
In my brokenness I know that my selfishness has allowed me to, at times want Him because of what He gives me.
Sometimes the choices I have made make me wonder how very differently my life might have been, but I can't live in the past and I can't allow the past to dictate my future.
I am only responsible for me. As much as I would like others to be able to meet my expectations, they don't. Sometimes that leads to my own hurt and pain. Sometimes it leads to reliving some of my past brokenness, which creates new brokenness. Sometimes though it is a way that God allows me to meet him in the stillness and quiet and just breathe in who He is as a Savior, as a Friend.
I can't stop my heart from feeling, I can't stop my head from analyzing....but I can know the truth of who I am in the depths of my soul. I can know that I am worthy. I can know that it is enough to just know Jesus. That is enough. That is more than enough to focus my life on. It has to be enough, because at the end of the day in the stillness and quiet....it is the knowledge of His unfailing love, and sacrifice that move me to repentance and acceptance of who I am and meant to be.