If it weren't for God's mercy I wouldn't be able to be here in this moment writing and living the way I am. It is kind of tough to swallow sometimes, because I know that I have rebelled against Him in ways that are pretty unimaginable. I have chosen the world and what is in the world more than God. I have tried to live life in the world and for God both at the same time.
Without God's mercy I would probably be dead, just to be honest. His mercy has brought me through so much. His mercy has kept me safe, when I was walking down the darkest path I could go. His mercy has allowed me to thrive when I should have failed. His mercy has given me a billion chances to get things right, when really I don't even deserve one. Yet, His mercy is big enough for whatever I have. His mercy has no limits, His mercy has no requirements. His mercy is within my grasp if I just allow it to cover me.
Why would I not just allow God's mercy to cover me? Why do I continue to allow those past sins, (or even present sins) to plague my mind and create in me something that wants to harm me? Why do I allow those words that I have spoken or others have spoken about me to hold more value than God's mercy?
That's not what God's mercy is about. Authentic mercy means that it covers all of me. I do not have to continue to look backwards, and try to make things different. I do not have to continue to live in my guilt and pain. I am free because Jesus absorbed all of that wrath and sin. He took it.
THAT IS MERCY.
The longer I live in the past, and focus on how horrible my choices have been, then the more I am refusing to live in the joy that comes from accepting God's mercy. The longer I live without gratefulness, humility and tenderness.
I don't want to live a bitter, angry life. I have seen what bitterness and anger can do to a person (what it sometimes does to me). It isn't beautiful, it isn't a reflection of who Jesus is.
I choose Mercy. I choose to authentically live in the Mercy that God gives me. To be grateful, humble and tender towards Him and His Creation.