Sunday, December 30, 2018

Disappointment and Focus

Typically I deal with disappointment pretty well.  I dwell on it for  couple of days, and then I move on.  Only thinking about it every now and then after that.  When things don't happen that we really want to happen.  When something that someone was going to do for us falls through.  When that person that we thought had interest doesn't pursue, when we have a job interview and don't get the job.  Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes.  The thing is that I know that there are going to be disappointments in life.  One happened for me yesterday.  But I want to get better at dealing with them. 

People aren't going to meet my expectations.  Things are going to fall through. 

I feel quite disappointed that I don't have a family of my own, but then I realize just how lucky I am to have family and friends that surround me when I need them to.  My life might look very different at the age of 37 than I thought it was going to, but I am super thankful for it. I'm thankful that I can do things that I want to do, and I don't have to worry about how it will impact others.  I choose to spend time with people.  I choose to be the one to text first to set up dinner dates, or other social engagements, but I don't want to be bitter about that. 

There are a couple of people in my life that are really bitter that more people don't reach out to them to see how they are doing.  I have discovered, that some people are just the reachers.  They are the ones that seek out those experiences.  They are the ones that try to engage people in social interaction.  Some people are only ever the accepters.  They happily accept social engagements, but they do not think to the be initiator of such engagements. 

We have to understand that everyone has a life of their own.  That we can't control everything.  Sometimes we have to give in and let someone even if it is a child have some of the control.  They need to be able to be free to have some control.  I get disappointed when people don't act the way I want them to.  I want to force people to make the right decisions and choices, but in the end I truly am only responsible for the things I do and say. 

So, I focus on what I can control. I focus on my reaction when things happen that disappointment, and I realize that the thing that didn't go my way is actually a blessing in disguise. 

For instance my singleness.  I think about the men that I have considered to be worthy of my love and affection.  I realize that I am SO glad that nothing ever worked out with any of them.  Because in all reality none of them would have fit into my life.  None of them were or even are currently in a place where they are putting Jesus as number one.  If I am hones with myself that is truly what I want.  I don't want someone who is ritualistic religious, I want someone who is spiritual.  Someone who is going to see the positive in everyday life, who is going  to help me to see it as well.  Someone that is strong when I need him to be.  Not someone who I have to help see their worth every two seconds.  Honestly that's just plain exhausting. 

So I look at those disappointments and I see that I am far better off exactly where I am then with someone that would have only been bringing me down, and turning me into a negative creature of darkness. 

Focus on the good.  Focus on what you can change.  Focus on what you have instead of what you don't, and those disappointments will quickly become the silver linings on that dark cloud. 

So today I am thankful for the disappointments, for the things that didn't work on.  I have hopes that 2019 will be a year full of things that do work out, but we never really know do we?  For now I am thankful for all that has been, and excited for all that will be. 

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