Fear is a Liar

It occurred to me yesterday as I was hiking that sometimes we journey a long ways till we find we have been looking for all along.  My life's journey has taken me all over the world, and back again.  I have been in places where I didn't know how I was going to survive.  I have been in places where I feared for my life, where I feared for the lives of those around me, and where I feared for the community I worshiped with.  My journey began a long time ago. I sought adventure, and belonging.  I wanted friends that I could count on, that I knew would be there for me, and that I didn't have to prove my worth in order to gain love from them.  I searched so hard. 


When I began my journey I was young, unsure, and dealing with some damage that it would take some time to work through.  You know the damage, the kind that digs in deep and keeps on trying to break you.  The thing is that we are all damaged.  Some of us just have a different level of damage than others.  Some of us allow other people to continue to drill those holes even when they have long ago been filled up.  We allow culture, society, and our own insecurities to keep us living in fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of never being enough. 


That's where I started my journey.  In the fear zone.  I was afraid to be seen.  I was afraid that if people saw who I was, they would run the other direction.  I was afraid that if I was myself then I would lose out on the people that I needed and wanted in my life.  So, I lived in fear.  I walked around unsure of my own opinion.  I walked around not saying everything that I thought or felt because I didn't want to lose people.  People were my thing.  They made me happy, they made me feel loved, and they gave me a purpose.  I loved helping people, I loved meeting them where they were.  I loved serving them.  But I was afraid.  Oh I was so afraid.  I was afraid of my own feelings, I was afraid of telling the truth.  I was afraid of pointing out things that I wasn't okay with.  What if they left me, what if they spread lies about me, what if they turned and walked away and never talked to me again? 


You see those fears, I thought they were just mine.  But in the 20 + years since I started my journey, I have come to realize that they aren't just mine.  We all have them.  We all live in fear. 


I realized on my hike yesterday that my fear journey, although not over is way different than it used to be.  Although I still hold tight to the people that surround me, and don't ever want to lose people from my life, well I have been able to understand that sometimes it must happen.  Sometimes we have to love hard, and let someone walk away.  Sometimes we have to point out what a friend is doing or not even if it means never talking to them again.  Sometimes we have to break down those walls, let someone in, and get close to them at the sacrifice of knowing we might lose them.  Fear has caused me to build up walls, push people away, and sometimes even run the other direction. 


As I hiked yesterday I realized that fear has also brought good into my life.  For it has allowed me to see what I am holding back.  It has allowed me to understand what I have yet to give up.  The strongholds that I keep close to me, the things that I don't allow myself to give over.  The fears I have that keep me from letting someone in completely, from trusting.  I don't think that it is wrong to have boundaries, but when fear is the cause of those boundaries, it stops you from getting everything you can from those that surround you.  But fear has also allowed me to be more open in this past year than I ever thought possible.  I have been able to own up to a lot of who I am, and what I feel... and had a little heartbreak along the way... but I wouldn't trade it for anything. 


So I hiked, I worshipped, and I sang.  I came to a place of surrender.  Surrender of my fear of not being enough.  Surrender of the mistakes that these past few weeks have brought me.  Surrender of my life and the expectations I had for it.  Surrender of having to stay in one place.  Surrender of what I thought and what culture tells me life is supposed to look like.  Surrender of knowing where the path should go.  Surrender of having to do everything myself, and on my own.  Surrender of fear. 




Lately this song has been my mantra.... it touches me every time I hear it.  I know that the path I am about to take is one that I haven't traveled yet.  It is going to mean some major changes for me, and I could let fear take a hold of me, but I am not going to.  I am going to know my worth, understand that there are big plans for who God wants me to be, and live those out.  I may not be perfect, but I sure do love hard, and always try to be the best I can be. 




Fear is a liar.....  I choose to live outside of fear, in a place where I know the truths of life, love, and a God that is in complete control. 

When he told you you're not good enough
When he told you you're not right
When he told you you're not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you're not worthy
When he told you you're not loved
When he told you you're not beautiful
That you'll never be enough

Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
'Cause fear he is a liar

When he told you were troubled
You'll forever be alone
When he told you you should run away
You'll never find a home
When he told you you were dirty
And you should be ashamed
When he told you you could be the one
That grace could never change

Fear he is a liar

'Cause fear he is a liar

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Zach Williams / Jonathan Lindley Smith

Fear Is a Liar lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing