Monday, October 14, 2013

Tears of joy and heartache

Here I am...sitting in a classroom that will either be home to 1st graders or 2nd graders.  I entered this country in a Typhoon, the first of many apparently to come.  I am still a little apprehensive if this was the right choice, but honestly I felt like it was the only one I had.  I didn't want to quit, I don't like to give up...but my morals are higher than that.  I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with who I am, and what I stand for.  

Since this is a public post I am not going to bash everyone and everything that happened.  But I am going to say that I am not okay with just giving kids A's.  I am not okay with making all kids take the exact same test, and learn the exact same way.  That is not the way this world works.  We aren't all the same.  We don't all have the same brains, and if we did it would be one boring world.  Maybe I am just an average teacher, maybe I don't belong in a private school that has crazy amounts of pressure.  I do know that I am worth more than just being an American face who gives whatever grade the parents want.  I am a good teacher.  I desire to see my students grow and learn more everyday.  

My choice to leave wasn't easy.  My choice to leave in many ways caused me to feel like I was giving up.  Like I was throwing in the towel, and not really trying.  The thing is that I have lived and worked places that made me a miserable person.  I have stayed in places where I didn't agree with the way that they treated their employees.  I know what it is like to go somewhere, and feel like you aren't valued.  I know what its like to have everyone forget to include you in a travel plan.  I also know what it is like to meet the best people in the world, and have great friends.  

So, the choice wasn't easy.  The money was great, the workload wasn't horrible.  But in the end I couldn't stand and watch kids pressured to get A's.  Kids that should have been practicing sounds and letters instead of being forced to learn words like Inquiry and Infer.  

I still am unsure if I made the right decision, but it is done.  

I have found myself at a school in the Philippines.  Smack down in the middle of a Korean community.  There are no taxis around, and the way I will be getting to the store is to take the school provided shuttle twice a week.  So, I will literally live and work with the people.  It is dorm-style housing.  With a common living area and kitchen.  We each have a room upstairs.  

3 years ago I would have died if you had told me that this would be my life.  I would have been so upset, but honestly I am excited to be in community again.  To have people to talk to, and eat with.  I am excited to make it in a place that doesn't have every modern convenience known to man.  Although the internet might not be reliable.  I can handle this for a year.  I can handle what is to come...

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