Have you ever thought about crushing being a process? Me either... or maybe you have. But this post is going to come from the perspective of not really thinking about crushing being a process. Mostly because it is very uncomfortable... right? I mean who likes to fail? Who likes for things to not go the way you want them to? I don't know too many people that are super excited for things to go opposite of what they want. Yet I meet people all the time that are not living the life that they expected. They feel like they are in a constant state of being crushed.
A friend sent me a podcast yesterday to listen to.. and when I saw that it was over an hour long I almost didn't listen to it, but I decided that it was probably worth it... so I listened. It was by far one of the best things I have heard in a long time. Pretty inspiring and life changing....
It reminded me of all the things that I have already been thinking about this year, but put them in a way that the excuses I have been making... well they can't really be excuses anymore.
I've been having a hard time, more so the first 7 months of last year with people leaving me. I don't like it, it feels messy and it makes me feel like I am not worthy of anyone's love. Yet, when I think about who I am at the core... I know that my faith is in God. So, doesn't that mean that no matter who leaves me... or who I don't think I have in my life anymore I should have confidence that Jesus is there. He is always in the room with me... that should give me the confidence to get back up. Because no matter who chooses to exit my life... they didn't exit my life because of me (essentially) They exited it because it was the best thing for both of us. I believe that the people that are meant to be in your life will be. Sometimes those people have to take a hiatus... and then they come back around. But the ones that truly leave... well then they were only meant to be there for a season.
Last year I felt like I lived in my circumstances a lot. I let those circumstances change me. I allowed them to dampen my mood, to alter how I viewed myself, and essentially to almost destroy who I was and my faith in God. I allowed my intensity and love of God to disappear in those circumstances... something I don't want to happen again. My circumstances are just that... something temporary. Why should I let a temporary thing change who I am?
Those temporary things were often brought upon me by feelings of not having what I wanted. Yet, I know that I don't really want anything before it's the right time....
I mean sure there are things that I want, but I want them when I'm ready for them. I hope and pray that this year brings those things... but I also don't want something that is not going to last... I don't want to rush what shouldn't be rushed.
So I live in this process... the crushing process. I pray and hope that the crushing ends quickly and the soaring begins. But I am thankful for the crushing... because I know that means the flight is going to be more beautiful and I will be able to soar so much higher because of it!
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