Friendship... it used to be something that I was always trying to define... what makes a friendship real? How do I live in this place where I feel like I am always the one reaching out. How do I get to a place where I am secure in my friendships? Will I ever be secure in my friendships?
I feel like 2020 has already taught me a lot about this! I have some friends that are really helping me to understand what true friendship means, and how to be a good friend. You see I think that we set up these expectations for our friends, and then when they don't meet our expectations then we get so bent out of shape about it. But the thing is that we actually don't really have the right to put expectations on anyone. That is not our job at all. I know some people aren't going to agree with me, and that's okay.
I've thought a lot about this... and most of the time when someone disappoints me it is because I am trying to put my expectations on them. I know how I treat others, and I automatically think that other people should treat me that way too! But that is not the case at all. We have to believe people when they say they care about us. Not everyone can help us out the way that we would like for them to. We want them to drop everything for us... but unfortunately that can't always happen.
So what do we do, when we feel like no one is there for us? When we feel like people should be giving us more of themselves then they are? Do we get mad, and post things on social media saying how no one is there for us? Do we lay crying in our bed crying about how people don't care? Maybe.... I've done that before. In the past I feel like my reaction has been just that.
But here lately I have had some people show me that friendship doesn't have to be this overwhelming thing that we make it into. We can care about each other just as much even if we can't spend the time together that we might want, or can't do all the things that we would like to do for our friends. I am a giver... I love doing things for other people. It is one of my most favorite things... but I can't always do it. I also don't always have the capacity for being around certain people because they are so needy or so demanding. So... I have to take people in small doses.
But I have had a couple people recently show me what friendship means. The kind of friendship that accepts me and loves me for exactly who I am. Without this need to prove to each other that we value the other person. The kind of friendship that just flows. Even when you haven't seen that person for awhile.... you can pick up the phone and talk to them, and you just know that friendship no matter what future brings... it is helping you to be the best version of yourself.
Sometimes I think we forget that life doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Sometimes I think we forget that it is okay to just laugh and have a good time. We need that in our lives. We need to be able to have a good time.
I guess what I am saying is this... we all need people in our life that we can just be ourselves around. We need people that will see through the bullshit, and call us out when we are being insecure or putting expectations on others that don't need to be there. We need people in our life that we can laugh with over really stupid, inappropriate things.... they help us see the world a little less serious. They help us live in this place where we don't have to live up to these crazy expectations that we have put on each other.
I'm thankful to have found those kind of friends. Because in this life... the best kind of friendships help you overcome the worst parts of yourself. It is not because they don't see those parts, but because they help you to work through those parts, and they love you for those weaknesses. They love you for all of you!
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