Friday, November 24, 2017

When Friends Leave

Why do I continue to do these things to myself?  I ALWAYS read things the wrong way!  It is like I am cursed or something.  The only time I don't read things the wrong way is when I shouldn't even be reading them at all.  I have pretty much come to this conclusion that I am TOO much for everyone.  Like I seriously think there is something really wrong with me.  Am I ever going to be loved?  Am I really this awful person that isn't capable of meeting someone who wants me and only me?  Do I really need to spend my life alone?  I mean is that really what I am called to?  Aloneness? 

Maybe I come on too strong?  Maybe I am too much.  Anyone that I have ever spent a lot of time with, it seems like has left me, rejected me, or walked away.  It seems like maybe I am too much.  Maybe there is a reason.  Right? Maybe I have done too much, and I don't deserve to be loved.  It's too late for me, right? 

This all feels too much tonight.  I am tired,  and hurt, and confused.  I hate being confused, and I hate feeling like I did something wrong, when I don't even know what it was. 


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