Why do I continue to do these things to myself? I ALWAYS read things the wrong way! It is like I am cursed or something. The only time I don't read things the wrong way is when I shouldn't even be reading them at all. I have pretty much come to this conclusion that I am TOO much for everyone. Like I seriously think there is something really wrong with me. Am I ever going to be loved? Am I really this awful person that isn't capable of meeting someone who wants me and only me? Do I really need to spend my life alone? I mean is that really what I am called to? Aloneness?
Maybe I come on too strong? Maybe I am too much. Anyone that I have ever spent a lot of time with, it seems like has left me, rejected me, or walked away. It seems like maybe I am too much. Maybe there is a reason. Right? Maybe I have done too much, and I don't deserve to be loved. It's too late for me, right?
This all feels too much tonight. I am tired, and hurt, and confused. I hate being confused, and I hate feeling like I did something wrong, when I don't even know what it was.
Ugh.
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