Boundaries....

Sometimes I think that if I had learned better boundaries, I wouldn't be in the mess I am in, and have been in as I wade through life.  We have to have boundaries with people.  We have to be willing to say this is okay, and that isn't okay in life.  I was talking with a friend the other night, and discussing how as we are growing up we learn that the Christian thing to do, is to always forgive.  That we have to forgive 70 X 7.  Right?  Isn't that what you grew up learning?  I did too.  I grew up thinking that the minute I told someone no, or didn't allow someone to continue to treat me in an unkind way I wasn't doing my Christian "duty."  I grew up thinking that I had to put everyone above myself no matter what.  I had to sacrifice my own happiness for other people.  This has led to people pleasing, and never really being able to say no. This has led to someone that goes out of her way to make sure that other people are comfortable, to give even when I honestly do not have the time or money, and to let my heart get broken over and over again.  

But the thing is that sometimes we have to put up boundaries.  I am not talking about walls.  Walls aren't what God calls us to.  He wants us to connect in ways that tear down our walls, but we still have to be able to protect ourselves, and not allow people to continue to hurt us over and over again.  One of my greatest weaknesses is letting people in and then allowing them to hurt my core.  I take their communication with me, or interest in me to heart, and allow it to determine my worth.  Rejection is a thing that I honestly have the hardest time with. Comparing myself to others, and allowing myself to feel rejected at the slightest change in someone else's behavior or friendship.  

I read into behavior and I give until my giving seems to push people away.  I know that I am sometimes too needy, that I want too much, and that I can be super sarcastic which is sometimes too much.  I am sometimes too much.  

How do I love the way I have been called to, but also have boundaries?   Boundaries that will allow me to not see something as more than friendship, when that's all it is.   Boundaries that will help me to not overshare information that could one day be used against me. Boundaries that will help me to be the person I should be to lift others up, instead of pushing them away.  Boundaries that will help me to see someone the way Jesus does, instead of comparing my every weakness to theirs.  Boundaries that will lead to me understanding others, and focusing on them, but also knowing that I have to take care of myself.  

In sacrificing for others, are we called to give up who we are and how we feel?  Are we called to let down every wall, and not have boundaries?  Do we just keep letting people in, even though they continue to hurt us, and not put us a priority sometimes?  I think that the answer is no.  In order too live a life that is full of love, we have to be willing to sometimes let people know what the boundaries are.  I am not going to allow myself to have a broken heart because you want to lead me on, or send me mixed messages.  I am not going to allow myself to keep getting damaged because you want to pop in and out of my life whenever you feel like it.  

Boundaries are hard for me, but when I think about how to live my life in a healthy, positive way, I know that I need them.  I need them so that I don't look at things in the way in which they shouldn't be looked at.  I need them so that my heart doesn't continue to be broken.  Most importantly I need them so that I can spread love the way I should.  It's hard, and  I won't ever get it right, but I am going to keep trying.