I can't even believe that it is already December! How in the world has so much time gone past, and so quickly? It feels like it was just December 2018 last year! I'm not saying that I don't want 2019 to end, because trust me when I say... this year can be over. But it wasn't a bad year. I felt pretty alone a lot of the time, but I grew in ways I didn't even know that I would.
Sometimes we don't even realize what God is preparing us for. Sometimes we get so lost in the way that we look to everyone else we forget to find ourselves. We forget that to the right people we will not be too much. Sure they might get annoyed with us at times, but they will never want to throw us away.
In the past couple of months, but even more in the past week I have been reminded that we can give people second chances. Or third chances, or more. We can do that.... you know why? Because I am continuously given chances over and over again. I do things on a daily basis that should mean that I am no longer in the grasp of God. I have rejected Him, I have chosen to go my own way. I have spent more time scrolling through FB then listening to Him. Yet He chooses me anyways.
I have been pretty hurt by quite a few people over the past couple of years. I am sure some of them have even made it into some of my blog posts! But what I didn't think about was the fact that maybe those people would re-enter my life at a different time, when I was more ready for their friendship. Maybe, sometimes we need a break from someone so that we can be changed in a way where we are ready for them to re-enter our lives. Because as they re-enter we both are in a different place.
I'm so very glad for answered prayers. Prayers about friendship and people. I absolutely hate losing people from my life. It breaks my heart, and makes me wonder what is wrong with me. The thing is that it might not be about me. Not really. It might just be about needing to be a better version of me.
Friendship is based on love. It should be based on the kind of love that sees you through the mistakes, the weaknesses, and the flaws. It should be the kind of love that pushes you to be the best version of yourself. The kind that isn't self-seeking. That's the kind of friendships I want.
I lost my best friend a few years ago. Well at least I thought she was my best friend. As it turns out, maybe we never were as good of friends as I thought. Because I didn't feel secure in her friendship... not really. I never felt like she had my back no matter what. I always felt like I had to prove myself in our friendship. That I was never enough, there was always someone better to spend time with. I think in many ways those feelings were accurate. She might never have actually said that, but her actions spoke volumes. Since losing her as a best friend, and even a friend I have been searching for someone that I can meet on that best friend level.
Sometimes answers to prayers show up in the most unexpected places. I don't even think I realized that it was happening, until the other day... and then I realized that this person that has come back into my life after a little bit of a hiatus.... this person has become my best friend. He understands me, calls me out when I am being ridiculous and is there for me. Our friendship isn't perfect, but I am so very thankful for it. It's a lesson for me though. Sometimes it's okay to give second chances. Sometimes it's okay for friendships to breathe out and then in again. We all have things that we need to go through. Sometimes we can go through them together, but sometimes we have to go through them with some space. I also am not sure that I have ever had a better best friend. It might be unexpected, and really honestly sometimes it feels surreal... but I don't ever doubt my worth in our friendship... and I am truly thankful for that!
There have been about 5 people in the last week, that are now back in my life that for one reason or another have been absent for a little while. I had cast them aside, thinking that I was too much for them. But in this new stage, where I realize that the right people will always stay or find their way back, I can't help but think that this might be the reason I have been here for so long. This might be the reason that I have stayed.
We have to see everyone for who they are. Their flaws, their inability to react the way we want them to, the way that they don't meet our expectations. We have to see them, and then decide if we are going to love them through all of that, or throw them away. I have a couple people in my life that I have had to throw away. I didn't like doing it, and if I'm honest I still FB stalk them every once in awhile, but they were toxic for my life. They weren't meant for me. I don't know that they won't come back in my life one day... and maybe we will both be at a better place. But for now they are not there. I still love them, I still know that they are in fact created for a purpose, but unfortunately that purpose does not have to involve me... and that's okay.
There is no way for me to love, and intentionally know everyone in the world. It would be exhausting, honestly. But the people that are in my life. The people that come back into my life after being gone. Those people I need to intentionally keep. I don't know who is here for a season or a lifetime, but you know what? I am going to enjoy the heck out of the time I get with them. I am going to be there for them, love them.... see all their flaws, and love them some more. We aren't called to love people because they are easy to love. We are called to love them because they were created in His image.... by loving them and all that they are.... we are sharing His love. His love that is greater than anything we could ever imagine. So, tonight I reflect on what I can do to continue to love. I reflect on having prayers answered in regards to friendship. And I am truly thankful!
Maybe if we gave more second chances.... this world might be a more loving place.