I haven't called Columbia home for awhile now. The dwellings of my parents have really been what have kept me coming back. Since I left Columbia for college, the longest I have lived in this city was 2 years. Moving and change has been my thing. I had this weirdness towards Columbia that I think came about because of circumstances that were beyond my control. My life changed my senior year of high school. This change whether it can really be called good or bad, I don't really care to define it. Whatever it was though, it changed me. It made me a person that didn't want to be confined to this city, to these streets, to this culture. It made me a person that wanted adventure, to seek out those that were different from me, and to embrace the changes that needed to take place.
I left, and didn't really look back. I had moments of wanting to settle down in the United States, but never Columbia. My heart was never there, as much as I willed it to be...I felt this urge within me to keep moving, having adventures, and embracing all that I could be. I think some part of me thought that if I settled down in Columbia, that would be it. Good-bye adventures, good-bye fun life. It's a bit dramatic when you think about it, but that was my perspective.
Until this year. I know that it has been coming for awhile. I could feel myself easing in to a life in this crazy town. I could feel myself letting down the walls that I had so carefully constructed around myself. I could feel myself beginning to let down my defenses, beginning to be a part of this community. Beginning to fall in love with the idea of settling down in Columbia.
There's still a part of me that is fighting it. There is still a part of me that is saying....you are halfway through your second year, isn't it time to start looking for a new place to move to. But the part of me that wants to start looking for an apartment. The part of me that wants to feel comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable with those around me. That part of me is getting stronger.
I have never had an apartment in Columbia. I have always just lived at my parents till the next move occurred. To me this next step is a big one. It says I am willing to risk the hurt and pain to take a chance on this place. I am willing to finally make Columbia my home again.
I'm all in.