A couple months ago a friend told me about the book by Cait Flanders, The Year of Less.
I read it and was amazed. I was amazed by this woman's ability to take a year and not spend. Because for me spending is really a way of coping with things that I can't deal with. I am an impulse buyer. I buy things when I want to feel better. I often buy things that I already have 5 of, and don't really need. Moving twice in the past year has made me realize that I have way too much stuff. I fill my walls with things instead of memories sometimes. I put worth in the things that I have. I allow those things to be what comforts me, what gives me worth. I spend way too much money on things that are essentially meaningless.
So... I have decided that starting September 1st, I am going to take a year off of impulse buying. There are going to be ground rules for myself, and I am going to think through those as I read through the book again this week.
It is going to be a tough year. It is going to take a lot of discipline on my part, a lot of self-restraint. I know that I might fail in some moments, but no matter what I know that this year is going to change me.
Some of the things I am planning on in the next year.
Making a list of things that I am allowed to buy such as toothpaste, TP, other such products.
Make a list of things that I am not going to be purchasing at all. Such as craft supplies, books, etc.
Make a list of things that I will purchase if I throw out the old one that I have. For example t-shirts, shoes, make-up.
I am not sure what this will evolve into, and if anyone reading this blog has done this... let me know how it went! I would love to hear about it!
Check back for updates throughout the year!
Thursday, August 23, 2018
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Dating is stupid and other fun facts....
I hate dating right now. Actually I don't know that I ever enjoyed it, but it seems especially stupid right now. Here's the thing....I refuse to go on a date with someone just because they asked me to go. First of all, I am done with guys that claim to be the good guys. You know the type. They are nice, kind, offer to pay for dinner, and then they try to stick their tongues down your throat. What? Seriously.... I am not in the need of that kind of guy.
Here's the thing.... last year I was ready to just take anyone. I had pretty much determined that I wasn't worth someone being faithful, and choosing me. I didn't think I was good enough to be wanted by a decent man. A man that actually loved God and wanted to follow Him with their whole heart. So I gave in, quite a bit actually. I allowed myself to be used, and I didn't view myself the way I should have. The truth is that I didn't think good "Christian" guys would ever treat me that way. But they did. One right after the other. I'm sick of it. I am sick and tired of men on dating sights claiming to be men of integrity when they are only after one thing.
I'm done.
I refused to allow them to use me. I refuse to be someone that just gives in. So... yes I am going to hold any man that asks me on a date to a high standard. If you don't like that, then you know what.... you don't have to date me. Because here's the thing....I want a family one day, but not at the expense of my beliefs. I wont cease to believe the things I do, just to acquire a date.
I haven't always felt like this. Even last year at this time, I felt like I just had to take what I could get, but you know what? I'm done with that! There is a man that loves Jesus, and will pursue me out there somewhere. I have to believe that. A man who won't be scared by my wall, my independence, or my sarcasm. A man that will make me laugh. A man that will be able to see through my sarcasm and understand that behind the wall I have put up is someone that just wants to be loved. The right man will be able to break through all of those insecurities, because he will know exactly how to love with a love that doesn't come from him alone.
I look forward to that day, and pray that I don't have to spend more more time in this stupid world of dating! Ugh.
Here's the thing.... last year I was ready to just take anyone. I had pretty much determined that I wasn't worth someone being faithful, and choosing me. I didn't think I was good enough to be wanted by a decent man. A man that actually loved God and wanted to follow Him with their whole heart. So I gave in, quite a bit actually. I allowed myself to be used, and I didn't view myself the way I should have. The truth is that I didn't think good "Christian" guys would ever treat me that way. But they did. One right after the other. I'm sick of it. I am sick and tired of men on dating sights claiming to be men of integrity when they are only after one thing.
I'm done.
I refused to allow them to use me. I refuse to be someone that just gives in. So... yes I am going to hold any man that asks me on a date to a high standard. If you don't like that, then you know what.... you don't have to date me. Because here's the thing....I want a family one day, but not at the expense of my beliefs. I wont cease to believe the things I do, just to acquire a date.
I haven't always felt like this. Even last year at this time, I felt like I just had to take what I could get, but you know what? I'm done with that! There is a man that loves Jesus, and will pursue me out there somewhere. I have to believe that. A man who won't be scared by my wall, my independence, or my sarcasm. A man that will make me laugh. A man that will be able to see through my sarcasm and understand that behind the wall I have put up is someone that just wants to be loved. The right man will be able to break through all of those insecurities, because he will know exactly how to love with a love that doesn't come from him alone.
I look forward to that day, and pray that I don't have to spend more more time in this stupid world of dating! Ugh.
40 Before 40.... Update before my 37th birthday!
40 before 40 update....
I know you all have been dying to see this list again! Ha! But I have some things to add to it! :) I know, I know..... you can't wait! My latest updates are in Yellow!
#1 Attend a Renaissance Festival Completed last Fall! :) Hope to get to another one soon!
#2 Celebrate New Year's in New York City and watch the ball drop! Could 2019 be the year? Hmmm...... Anyone want to go????
#3 Pay School Loans down Blah... I hate this one!
#4 Go Skydiving 2019.....
#5 Get a tattoo I have TWO tattoos now! Yippeee!!!! Love my elephant and owl! I really want another one!!!!!! I already have the next ones picked out! Ha! :) I really want another tattoo!
#6 Drive the Pacific Coast Highway all the way down California Maybe next summer (2019)
#7 See a show at the Fox. This needs to happen!
#8 Get to know 5 good wine and cheese pairings, and host a wine tasting This is happening after I get my new apartment! Yippeee!
#9 Hike some of the PCT This is going to be the trip for my 40th birthday! Get ready!
#10 Get in the best shape of my life Blah... I'm sucking that this!
#11 Go skinnydipping I have high hopes for this one happening by next summer! ha!
#12 Go to an Art Museum once a year (Yikes, I need to get on this one for this year!) Ummm.... I really need to start doing this...
#13 Visit Napa Valley
#14 Go on a cruise
#15 Learn how to cook Risotto I need to get on this!
#16 Go to a race track that has cars, not horses! I'm working on this one!
#17 Meet a hero (Mandy Hale, Glennon Doyle, Cheryl Strayed)
#18 Be open to new dating opportunities (I did well with this!!!) I am going to change this one.... Be open to new dating opportunities, but don't just take any of them, because some of them are CRAZY! I completed this... checking it off the list! I HATE dating!!!!!!
#19 Take the ultimate U.S. Road Trip Not solo.... I need a friend or two....
#20 Read every book by C.S. Lewis Still at work!
#21 Learn to Knit (Still working on this, but I am a great loom knitter) Work in progress
#22 Take Spanish and be able to hold a conversation (Ugh, not so great with this) Hmmm.....
#23 Read 100 books (Need to make my list) I have read a lot oFallf books, but I need to be writing them somewhere.
#24 Get a hair cut at a fancy salon
#25 Cook/Bake all my gma's recipes Fall Goal!
#26 Do one kind deed everyday of my life.
#27 Read the Bible Cover to Cover each year Happening! Love my Bible App!
#28 Drink tea instead of coffee in the afternoon Changing this #28 Drink MORE tea!!!!! Kombucha for the win!
#29 Run the Bolder Boulder 2019?????
#30 Watch every film on AFI top 100 Yikes, I need a film buddy!
#31 Go to the doctor/dentist/eye doctor as recommended (Getting better with this) Rats, I suck at this!
#32 Complete a 1/2 marathon 2019 for sure!
#33 Write a short story I have an outline of one!
#34 Take a 24 hour solitude/no phone retreat 4 times a year (I didn't do this at all) I'm stinking at this!
#35 Pray everyday (More work needed with this)
#36 Donate 2% of income each year to charity
#37 Try yoga
#38 Send 10 letters a year to friends far away (I will do this)
#39 Make something crafty and sell it (Yay! I did this! )
#40 Step out of my comfort zone at least once a day.
When People Aren't Who You Want Them To Be....
People really don't meet my expectations quite a bit, and yet I still haven't learned to not have expectations. It is one of those things that I think I will just always expect people to be better than they are. But the extent at which people are letting me down has been higher in the past couple months than I care to admit.
Here's the thing. I do not expect you to be everyone's best friend. In my opinion you are not even going to like everyone, but you if you claim to be who He is... then you must love them. Not just love with words. Like you say you love everyone, but then the next thing you are posting on FB is some meme about how all liberals are this or how all conservatives do this. No, I mean really love ALL people. No matter where they come from, what they have done, and what they might do in the future.
LOVE....
There are 2 specific people that I can think of right now that I am really having a hard time understanding. One of them is someone that is stepping away from her entire family because some members of her family aren't doing what she thinks is the "right" thing to do. Now... let me just say this.... I love this person, but I will probably not engage in conversation with her again unless I see with my own eyes that her heart is in a different place. Because here's the thing. We aren't called to judge those around us, and not associate with them because we think they are making the "wrong choice." We are called to be there for EVERYONE! No matter what kind of choices they make, no matter what they are doing with their lives. I seem to recall a certain teacher loving those that were the most hypocritical out of all of them. Those people that think they are better than the rest of us.... I have news for you.... you aren't. No one is.... and if you even took 5 minutes to examine yourself instead of putting yourself on a pedestal you would realize it too!
The other person that I am having a hard time with is someone that has completely stopped talking to her family, for reasons that even she probably doesn't know anymore. People have reached out to her, and she continues to ignore them. You know why? Because she holds grudges about things that happened in her childhood. What? Childhood people! Come on! Let it go! Also, guess what??? The people that want to be in her life had nothing to do with her childhood. It saddens me that this person is missing out on relationships with her family because she is too stubborn to let things go.
So... this is what I say. Nothing is worth kicking your family out of your life. Family is there through it all. They know your good parts, and your bad parts. They know how to push your buttons. But they also are going to be the only ones there when no one else is! Be thankful for your family.
Know that no one is going to be exactly who you need them to be. We all have things in our lives that happen that we wish wouldn't have happened, but we learn from it, grow from it, and move forward.
I hope that I can see people the way God does, without my human expectations!
Here's the thing. I do not expect you to be everyone's best friend. In my opinion you are not even going to like everyone, but you if you claim to be who He is... then you must love them. Not just love with words. Like you say you love everyone, but then the next thing you are posting on FB is some meme about how all liberals are this or how all conservatives do this. No, I mean really love ALL people. No matter where they come from, what they have done, and what they might do in the future.
LOVE....
There are 2 specific people that I can think of right now that I am really having a hard time understanding. One of them is someone that is stepping away from her entire family because some members of her family aren't doing what she thinks is the "right" thing to do. Now... let me just say this.... I love this person, but I will probably not engage in conversation with her again unless I see with my own eyes that her heart is in a different place. Because here's the thing. We aren't called to judge those around us, and not associate with them because we think they are making the "wrong choice." We are called to be there for EVERYONE! No matter what kind of choices they make, no matter what they are doing with their lives. I seem to recall a certain teacher loving those that were the most hypocritical out of all of them. Those people that think they are better than the rest of us.... I have news for you.... you aren't. No one is.... and if you even took 5 minutes to examine yourself instead of putting yourself on a pedestal you would realize it too!
The other person that I am having a hard time with is someone that has completely stopped talking to her family, for reasons that even she probably doesn't know anymore. People have reached out to her, and she continues to ignore them. You know why? Because she holds grudges about things that happened in her childhood. What? Childhood people! Come on! Let it go! Also, guess what??? The people that want to be in her life had nothing to do with her childhood. It saddens me that this person is missing out on relationships with her family because she is too stubborn to let things go.
So... this is what I say. Nothing is worth kicking your family out of your life. Family is there through it all. They know your good parts, and your bad parts. They know how to push your buttons. But they also are going to be the only ones there when no one else is! Be thankful for your family.
Know that no one is going to be exactly who you need them to be. We all have things in our lives that happen that we wish wouldn't have happened, but we learn from it, grow from it, and move forward.
I hope that I can see people the way God does, without my human expectations!
Where I am at... My Summer in a nutshell... kind of...
So, it has been over a month since I have written a blog post! AGGHHH! I don't know the last time I went this long without writing something. But it has been a crazy month. I moved to JC. I started a new job, took 2 trips out of the state, and my uncle passed away. Not to mention that with the start of anything new whether it is a job or a new apartment there are so many things you have to adjust to.
So here I am trying to adjust.
Here's the first thing I know. I love where I am at. I have been able to go to the pool SO much this summer, and it has been my little stress-free zone. It has brought me so much comfort, but also I realized how much a pool brings people together. It is a socializing place. I have gotten to know some of my neighbors because of the pool, and I am so thankful for that. I have been able to meet some pretty epic people, and I am super thankful for this summer.
I also have the best roommate. It is someone that I can be open and honest with. She even listened to me the other night when I was at the end of what I could handle. I wasn't doing well, and she was there. It was a nice change for sure. I feel safe in my apartment. I feel like I can be who I am, and that's important.
We need to feel safe, we need to feel like we have a home to go to.
Starting a new job is always tough. You don't know the culture, you can't trust anyone, and you wonder if you made the right decision.
Especially this past week I have been feeling this. I am constantly second guessing myself. Wondering what I am doing, I know I am doing a good job, but I just constantly am feeling like I am having to prove myself, and I hate that.
I am also trying to find a new church.....
it hasn't been fun. Mostly because I love The Crossing, even if I have been hurt by people that go there it is the one place that I felt like I was "home."
I went to Memphis! I got to go to the Civil Rights Museum. I got to see the wreath hanging outside on the balcony where a life was taken in hatred. And I wept. I wept so much. My heart breaks even now writing this, thinking of the things people have had to go through because of the color of their skin. The injustice that they have had to endure. It breaks me every single time.
Last weekend I went to Michigan to be with my aunt and cousins. 2 weeks ago today, my Uncle passed away. It is the hardest death I have ever had to deal with. I think most of it is because I don't understand it, but also because I just saw him, and I grew up seeing him regularly. All of my memories of my Dad's side involve him or my cousins. It is one of those moments in my life that I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when I heard of his passing. I know he's in a better place, but it doesn't hurt any less. He was the best hunter (sorry Dad) that I knew. He gave generously, never really knowing a stranger (same as my Dad). My Uncle will be missed by so many, but especially by his family... my cousins and aunt. My heart breaks for them, and although I don't wish that to define my summer, in some ways it has.
So... that's kind of where I am at...
There will be a few more posts about some of this....
So here I am trying to adjust.
Here's the first thing I know. I love where I am at. I have been able to go to the pool SO much this summer, and it has been my little stress-free zone. It has brought me so much comfort, but also I realized how much a pool brings people together. It is a socializing place. I have gotten to know some of my neighbors because of the pool, and I am so thankful for that. I have been able to meet some pretty epic people, and I am super thankful for this summer.
I also have the best roommate. It is someone that I can be open and honest with. She even listened to me the other night when I was at the end of what I could handle. I wasn't doing well, and she was there. It was a nice change for sure. I feel safe in my apartment. I feel like I can be who I am, and that's important.
We need to feel safe, we need to feel like we have a home to go to.
Starting a new job is always tough. You don't know the culture, you can't trust anyone, and you wonder if you made the right decision.
Especially this past week I have been feeling this. I am constantly second guessing myself. Wondering what I am doing, I know I am doing a good job, but I just constantly am feeling like I am having to prove myself, and I hate that.
I am also trying to find a new church.....
it hasn't been fun. Mostly because I love The Crossing, even if I have been hurt by people that go there it is the one place that I felt like I was "home."
I went to Memphis! I got to go to the Civil Rights Museum. I got to see the wreath hanging outside on the balcony where a life was taken in hatred. And I wept. I wept so much. My heart breaks even now writing this, thinking of the things people have had to go through because of the color of their skin. The injustice that they have had to endure. It breaks me every single time.
Last weekend I went to Michigan to be with my aunt and cousins. 2 weeks ago today, my Uncle passed away. It is the hardest death I have ever had to deal with. I think most of it is because I don't understand it, but also because I just saw him, and I grew up seeing him regularly. All of my memories of my Dad's side involve him or my cousins. It is one of those moments in my life that I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when I heard of his passing. I know he's in a better place, but it doesn't hurt any less. He was the best hunter (sorry Dad) that I knew. He gave generously, never really knowing a stranger (same as my Dad). My Uncle will be missed by so many, but especially by his family... my cousins and aunt. My heart breaks for them, and although I don't wish that to define my summer, in some ways it has.
So... that's kind of where I am at...
There will be a few more posts about some of this....
Saturday, July 14, 2018
A New Move that makes a Different Outlook...
Sometimes God has this way of completely dropping you in a place that you never even knew you needed. Actually that has happened a lot of times in my life. I've found myself always surrounded by people that I didn't even know I was missing from my life, till I met them. This move is no different. Although it is only 30 minutes from where I grew up, I am finding that it is far enough away that I have to get used to the culture here, but I am still in this place of familiarity.
Let me tell you how God is working. First of all I knew that I was going to need a different place to live. My living situation this past year was challenging due to different personalities that never should have been living in the same apartment, and me really just not feeling comfortable having strangers in and out of my living space all of the time. So, I started thinking and looking for a roommate. That was when my good friend told me about someone that was moving and needed a roommate. I was nervous and was not sure if it was even worth looking into. Then I found out that she found a place in Jeff City.
So..... I said yes, and decided I would just commute to and from CoMo.
Then I found a job to apply for within CC.
And I got it!
So, now I think about how God continues to work and move. I think about how He puts people in my path. I think about the reasons that He might want me in Jeff City.
As I continue on this journey of the single life, I realize that my life moves don't have to revolve on finding "someone." Because in all reality we are made for community, it just looks differently for different people. For me I am done letting my life moves be made based on where I might find someone.
Instead I believe with my whole heart that there are people that I need to meet in JC that I wouldn't have been able to meet if I had stayed in CoMo. Our life is meant to be lived with love.
So... as I journey along..... I realize that this truly is my best life, because it is the life that gives me a chance to love His people.
Let me tell you how God is working. First of all I knew that I was going to need a different place to live. My living situation this past year was challenging due to different personalities that never should have been living in the same apartment, and me really just not feeling comfortable having strangers in and out of my living space all of the time. So, I started thinking and looking for a roommate. That was when my good friend told me about someone that was moving and needed a roommate. I was nervous and was not sure if it was even worth looking into. Then I found out that she found a place in Jeff City.
So..... I said yes, and decided I would just commute to and from CoMo.
Then I found a job to apply for within CC.
And I got it!
So, now I think about how God continues to work and move. I think about how He puts people in my path. I think about the reasons that He might want me in Jeff City.
As I continue on this journey of the single life, I realize that my life moves don't have to revolve on finding "someone." Because in all reality we are made for community, it just looks differently for different people. For me I am done letting my life moves be made based on where I might find someone.
Instead I believe with my whole heart that there are people that I need to meet in JC that I wouldn't have been able to meet if I had stayed in CoMo. Our life is meant to be lived with love.
So... as I journey along..... I realize that this truly is my best life, because it is the life that gives me a chance to love His people.
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Not being offended....
This week I did a study through my Bible App that was about being unoffendable. Wouldn't you know that it seemed like there was something that happened everyday this week that I had the opportunity to get offended or not. I wish I could say that I succeeded most of the week! But I didn't!
I will say that today something happened that I really am having to work through. Do you ever have something happen, or in this case it didn't happen and it makes you question your worth and value to others? It makes you wonder if you even matter at all.
That's where I am at today. I'm in this place of wondering if I even really make a difference to those around me. Even as I type this I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I know that people care about me. But isn't it so easy for us to just dismiss people out of our lives? I feel like I miss people a lot more than they miss me. Maybe that is just my personality. Maybe I just have a sensitive heart, and I am always going to be the one that hurts more when people step out of my life. Or maybe I just express my affection more. I am not sure... but I sure do know that I never want other people to question their worth the way I am questioning mine. I never want to be the person that makes others feel like they don't matter.
So, I am going to take this as a lesson. I am not going to be offended, but I am going to be a little hurt. I can get over the hurt though. I am going to use the hurt to engage in helping others. I am going to continue to go out of my way to make sure that other people know that they are loved, valued, and that they are important in my life. Not just when I see them everyday, but they are important because they impact me. They are important because they are a part of my journey.
Now I know that not everyone is meant to be in your life for all seasons. I get that. I know that sometimes you have to let people go. Some people are only meant to walk with you for a little while. But I think that even if people are only meant to walk with us for a little while, we still have the responsibility to tell them that they are valued by us. We need to be building each other up. Making sure people know what they mean to us. Inviting them in, even if maybe they aren't our best friend. Taking the time to listen to their hearts. Taking the time to ask ourselves how we can be there for others. It doesn't take a lot to lend an ear to someone, or invite them along on an outing.
I am going to try my best in the coming weeks to be less offended by others, and show more love, invite people places more, and include everyone even those that I don't necessarily connect with immediately.
We are all just doing our best, so let's make sure that our best is loving those around us, and letting them know what they mean to us. Because everyday matters in making memories, and knowing you are loved.
I will say that today something happened that I really am having to work through. Do you ever have something happen, or in this case it didn't happen and it makes you question your worth and value to others? It makes you wonder if you even matter at all.
That's where I am at today. I'm in this place of wondering if I even really make a difference to those around me. Even as I type this I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I know that people care about me. But isn't it so easy for us to just dismiss people out of our lives? I feel like I miss people a lot more than they miss me. Maybe that is just my personality. Maybe I just have a sensitive heart, and I am always going to be the one that hurts more when people step out of my life. Or maybe I just express my affection more. I am not sure... but I sure do know that I never want other people to question their worth the way I am questioning mine. I never want to be the person that makes others feel like they don't matter.
So, I am going to take this as a lesson. I am not going to be offended, but I am going to be a little hurt. I can get over the hurt though. I am going to use the hurt to engage in helping others. I am going to continue to go out of my way to make sure that other people know that they are loved, valued, and that they are important in my life. Not just when I see them everyday, but they are important because they impact me. They are important because they are a part of my journey.
Now I know that not everyone is meant to be in your life for all seasons. I get that. I know that sometimes you have to let people go. Some people are only meant to walk with you for a little while. But I think that even if people are only meant to walk with us for a little while, we still have the responsibility to tell them that they are valued by us. We need to be building each other up. Making sure people know what they mean to us. Inviting them in, even if maybe they aren't our best friend. Taking the time to listen to their hearts. Taking the time to ask ourselves how we can be there for others. It doesn't take a lot to lend an ear to someone, or invite them along on an outing.
I am going to try my best in the coming weeks to be less offended by others, and show more love, invite people places more, and include everyone even those that I don't necessarily connect with immediately.
We are all just doing our best, so let's make sure that our best is loving those around us, and letting them know what they mean to us. Because everyday matters in making memories, and knowing you are loved.
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