So, it has been over a month since I have written a blog post! AGGHHH! I don't know the last time I went this long without writing something. But it has been a crazy month. I moved to JC. I started a new job, took 2 trips out of the state, and my uncle passed away. Not to mention that with the start of anything new whether it is a job or a new apartment there are so many things you have to adjust to.
So here I am trying to adjust.
Here's the first thing I know. I love where I am at. I have been able to go to the pool SO much this summer, and it has been my little stress-free zone. It has brought me so much comfort, but also I realized how much a pool brings people together. It is a socializing place. I have gotten to know some of my neighbors because of the pool, and I am so thankful for that. I have been able to meet some pretty epic people, and I am super thankful for this summer.
I also have the best roommate. It is someone that I can be open and honest with. She even listened to me the other night when I was at the end of what I could handle. I wasn't doing well, and she was there. It was a nice change for sure. I feel safe in my apartment. I feel like I can be who I am, and that's important.
We need to feel safe, we need to feel like we have a home to go to.
Starting a new job is always tough. You don't know the culture, you can't trust anyone, and you wonder if you made the right decision.
Especially this past week I have been feeling this. I am constantly second guessing myself. Wondering what I am doing, I know I am doing a good job, but I just constantly am feeling like I am having to prove myself, and I hate that.
I am also trying to find a new church.....
it hasn't been fun. Mostly because I love The Crossing, even if I have been hurt by people that go there it is the one place that I felt like I was "home."
I went to Memphis! I got to go to the Civil Rights Museum. I got to see the wreath hanging outside on the balcony where a life was taken in hatred. And I wept. I wept so much. My heart breaks even now writing this, thinking of the things people have had to go through because of the color of their skin. The injustice that they have had to endure. It breaks me every single time.
Last weekend I went to Michigan to be with my aunt and cousins. 2 weeks ago today, my Uncle passed away. It is the hardest death I have ever had to deal with. I think most of it is because I don't understand it, but also because I just saw him, and I grew up seeing him regularly. All of my memories of my Dad's side involve him or my cousins. It is one of those moments in my life that I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when I heard of his passing. I know he's in a better place, but it doesn't hurt any less. He was the best hunter (sorry Dad) that I knew. He gave generously, never really knowing a stranger (same as my Dad). My Uncle will be missed by so many, but especially by his family... my cousins and aunt. My heart breaks for them, and although I don't wish that to define my summer, in some ways it has.
So... that's kind of where I am at...
There will be a few more posts about some of this....
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