Valentine's Day and other nonsense

I honestly do love February...  it is one of my favorite months.  Maybe because you can wear all the shades of pink and red together and no one bats an eye.  Maybe I feel extra love this month?  I'm not sure but I do love this month.  Although it hasn't always been that way.  Quite a few years ago now, I got my heart broken maybe the most it has ever been broken during this month.  I won't go into the details because honestly the details aren't what matter, not really.  What matters is that the pain that I felt, well it cost me a friendship.  A very important friendship.  One to this day that I miss.  It has been over a decade now since that friendship left my life, and something triggered it this past week.  I'm not sure exactly what happened that triggered the loss... but it was a very good and real reminder that the pain and hurt from the past has only made me better.

Valentine's Day used to make me cringe... and sometimes it still does.  Mostly because everything has to be SO pricey.  Like why do we have to commercialize love?  It  another way that our culture makes single people feel like they aren't enough....  

I hope that one day I have a freaking awesome Valentine's Day.   I hope that someone sweeps me off my feet, and does something amazing... but I am not going to feel sorry for myself because I don't have a date for Friday.  Whether I always feel like it or not.. .I am enough... all on my own.  I am not less of a person, it doesn't mean that I am the ugliest person in the world.  And I don't have some fatal flaw that makes me repel every member of the opposite sex that I meet, even if it seems like it sometimes.

I want to celebrate love this year.  The kind of love that sees other's weaknesses and loves them anyways.  The kind of love that is there for people no matter what.  The kind of love that wouldn't throw away a friendship, just because the other person wasn't meeting these unspoken standards that we often hold people too.  Love isn't about what we can get from others.  Love is about what we can give.  I want to be the person that gives, an keeps on giving.  I want to be the person that sees past the hot mess that we all are at times, an digs deep into knowing that story.  I want to celebrate the fact that we are all different, and we each have a purpose.

So... even though I wish I was chilling on the couch with someone, or going to a movie, or some wild crazy adventure like joining some people on a trip to Ohio.... well I am going to embrace the fact that I am in a place where I do in fact feel wanted and loved.  And that is one of the best places to be.