So.. here is the official list of books that I read in 2019... I didn't make 52... but I did read 40, which I think is still pretty great! :)
Not ranked at all.. just the order I read them!
I love the variety of books that I was able to read. I tried to do this post last night, but unfortunately the wine intake was greater than I thought... so I am adding a bit more about these books! Ha!
I am also a part of book of the month club, so some of these are those books! I love book of the month club!
#1 Becoming by Michelle Obama
I love her story, so much. She is one of those rare women that I think it is completely fine to open up our hearts to. She just makes me want to be a better person!
#2 White Awake by Daniel Hill Talk about eye opening! Awesome book, this book truly opened my eyes to how I view the world through white eyes.
#3 How Dare the Sun Rise by Sandra Uwiringiyinoria Wow! Amazing story! Seriously an amazing book. A story that needs to be read by everyone.
#4 One Day in December by Josie Silver (book club) This was one of my favorite cute little love stories!
#5 The Finnish Way by Katja Pantear I want to move to Finland! Seriously... The Finnish way is just so amazing. I need to get outside more! One of my 2020 goals!
#6 The Nine of Us by Jean Kennedy Smith Wow! Awesome look into their life! It always intrigues me to learn more about Presidential families.
#7 Daring Greatly by Brene Brown Awesome book! I love Brene Brown... she just gets to my soul. She helps me to find the strength inside to just live. To be who I am supposed to be.
#8 Sisters First by Jenna and Barbara They are the greatest! Another great look into a Presidential Family! So loved this book!
#9 Born Bright by C Nicole Mason One of the best stories. Please read this!
#10 Beloved by Toni Morrison This was my hardest read of the year. It was so good, but it definitely took me on a journey.
#11 A Long Walk to Water by Sue Park I always love stories that give me a perspective of a faraway place. It helps me to realize just how easy my lie is.
#12 The War I Finally Won by Bradley This was good, and it was a Kid's book, but I did love the story for sure.
#13 The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo She changed my life, and the stuff that I have in it. I am still working on tidying things up, but I have a good start in this new year!
#14 Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarity I love this author! Every book I have read of hers is good, and this one was no different.
#15 Unsaid by Neil Abramson This was an interesting read. It is not my usual genre, but it was good. I wouldn't read it again though.
#16 Live from Cairo by Ian Bassinthwaigthe I liked this book because it took me back to Egypt. I loved reading about places that I was familiar with, and it reminded me of my year I spent there.
#17 The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines *** one of my favorites Can I please have a marriage like Chip and Joanna? They are just so great, and I love their story! #goals
#18 Summer of '69 by Eline Hilderbrand I loved this book and this author is one of my new favorites. I think a lot of the appeal for this is taking place on the east coast. Love those stories!
#19 Before She Knew Him by Peter Swanson This was a good book, one of those great mysteries!
#20 The Age of Light by Whitney Scharer (book club) A historical fiction book that I loved!
#21 Three Women by Lisa Taddeo Fabulous book! I would suggest everyone read it. I loved their stories, even though they were hard.
#22 Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis One of the funniest authors I have ever read. I love how real she is, and just how she touches the hearts of her readers.
#23 Golden Child by Claire Adam Great book- book club book.
#24 Well Met by Jen Deluca One of the funniest and best love stories that I read. It was hilarious!
#25 Beyond the Point by Claire Gibson LOVED this book so much. So often we don't hear about the women at West Point, but this is the story. Definitely worth the read. Plus it helped me know more about West Point and life there.
#26 Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner She's one of the best! Loved this book.
#27 The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander A book that once again made me think and helped me to understand more about the world I am living in, and what role I have to help change it.
#28 The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking I'm in love with Hygge! Goals: bring more of it into my life.
#29 Those Who Knew by Idna Novey Good, not my favorite.
#30 The Little Book of Lykke by Meik Wiking Yes, another great way of life to read about!
#31 Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore Another hilarious book! Love story! Loved it! (book club)
#32 My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsberg She is one of the best! Please read this book about her life..... I wish I could sit down and have coffee with her!
#33 Towelhead by Alicia Erian This was a weird book, but a story that needed to be told.
#34 The Fountains of Silence by Ruta Septeys This book was good, but hard to read.
#35 The Forgotten Girls by Owen Laukkanen Yes, a great book.
#36 Grandma Gatewood's Walk by Ben Montgomery Oh... this book made me want to pack up my stuff and head out to the trail. If only I didn't have bills to pay. One of my favorites of the year!
#37 Wild by Cheryl Strayed Always a favorite! I love her!
#38 An Anonymous Girl by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen Good book, interesting book.
#39 The Glittering Hour by Ionia Grey I loved this one! It was such a good/cute love story. (book club)
#40 Tracks by Robyn Davidson This book was good, but not what I expected. It made me want a camel!
Thankful for how each of these stories impacted me this year!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Sunday, December 29, 2019
2020 Transformation
I'm not sure what the next few days will bring, but I want to go ahead and get this written out while I am in the mood for writing. Also... the Packers are not doing great so I need something to help me not throw things at the TV.
Here we are on the cusp of a new year. I am overwhelmed with how this year is turning out compared to how it started. I am thankful and amazed by how much better I feel about things than I even did a few months ago. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves time to work through things. We just have to realize that prayers works. It may not always end the way we expect it to, but God truly does hear our prayers, and knows our hearts.
So... the year 2020 is going to be a year for Transformation. A year that I stop making excuses for the goals I have, and start putting things into action. I am really good at making plans and goals. I don't always follow through with them. So... here I sit.. knowing that about myself. I know that I would rather put things off, until I can't possibly put them off anymore. I know that. I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself. This year is going to be that kind of year. Not a completely self focused year, but I am truly going to do what I need to do for myself. I'm not going to conform to what others want me to be. It's amazing how when you surround yourself with people that genuinely like you and want to spend time with you, your perspective about yourself can change. I realize that I am not perfect, but I also realize that I'm a pretty damn good person to have in your life.
Part of this transformation means spending time getting rid of stuff. Not just physical material things, but stuff from the past that wants to continue to hold me down. I am done with that.... So I am going to work really hard this year to be in a good place. Hopefully that also means a relationship will happen, but we shall see about that...
Here's to more transformation in 2020:
*52 hikes in 52 weeks! This may not mean a hike a week, but I want to get 52 hikes in! I am hoping this will be all around the state, at all of the different state parks.
*52 books in 52 weeks! I had this goal this year, but didn't quite make it. My hope is to make it happen this next year!
*Walk at least 30 minutes a day.... this is going to be a lot, but I want to do it!
*Spend time in the morning first thing with God everyday. This means waking up 1/2 hour before my alarm! I am so bad at this... but I want to do it!
*Cut down on the amount of sugar I eat! (trying Whole 30)
*Finish Writing my book
*Start a Singles over 30 ministry/group
*When I'm with people, not being on my phone... unless it is a situation where I am not needing to give one-on-one attention
Whew! This is quite the list... but I'm ready! 2020... I'm waiting for you! #bestyearyet
Here we are on the cusp of a new year. I am overwhelmed with how this year is turning out compared to how it started. I am thankful and amazed by how much better I feel about things than I even did a few months ago. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves time to work through things. We just have to realize that prayers works. It may not always end the way we expect it to, but God truly does hear our prayers, and knows our hearts.
So... the year 2020 is going to be a year for Transformation. A year that I stop making excuses for the goals I have, and start putting things into action. I am really good at making plans and goals. I don't always follow through with them. So... here I sit.. knowing that about myself. I know that I would rather put things off, until I can't possibly put them off anymore. I know that. I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself. This year is going to be that kind of year. Not a completely self focused year, but I am truly going to do what I need to do for myself. I'm not going to conform to what others want me to be. It's amazing how when you surround yourself with people that genuinely like you and want to spend time with you, your perspective about yourself can change. I realize that I am not perfect, but I also realize that I'm a pretty damn good person to have in your life.
Part of this transformation means spending time getting rid of stuff. Not just physical material things, but stuff from the past that wants to continue to hold me down. I am done with that.... So I am going to work really hard this year to be in a good place. Hopefully that also means a relationship will happen, but we shall see about that...
Here's to more transformation in 2020:
*52 hikes in 52 weeks! This may not mean a hike a week, but I want to get 52 hikes in! I am hoping this will be all around the state, at all of the different state parks.
*52 books in 52 weeks! I had this goal this year, but didn't quite make it. My hope is to make it happen this next year!
*Walk at least 30 minutes a day.... this is going to be a lot, but I want to do it!
*Spend time in the morning first thing with God everyday. This means waking up 1/2 hour before my alarm! I am so bad at this... but I want to do it!
*Cut down on the amount of sugar I eat! (trying Whole 30)
*Finish Writing my book
*Start a Singles over 30 ministry/group
*When I'm with people, not being on my phone... unless it is a situation where I am not needing to give one-on-one attention
Whew! This is quite the list... but I'm ready! 2020... I'm waiting for you! #bestyearyet
Lessons from this Decade! 2010-2020
I started out this decade in Thailand! It's so crazy for me to think about that. So much of my adulthood has been spent overseas. I am now on the verge of having lived more of my post-college life in Missouri than overseas! And... that is a weird feeling. When I think about the Tawnya of 10 years ago versus the Tawnya of today...I can see just how far I have come in this decade. It's amazing to me all that I have experienced and learned. The people that I have met along the way, and what they have taught me. The love I have gained and lost. The way God has worked and moved to show me more and more of who He is.
So... here's a recap of my decade!
In 10 years I was able to go to these countries:
*Thailand
*Vietnam
*Singapore
*Malaysia
*The Philippines
*Kuwait
I learned that it's okay too quit sometimes.
I learned that not every friendship is for a lifetime.
I learned that sometimes a college education really doesn't matter.
I learned that there are friendships that will last a lifetime.
I've been able to see/go to these places, do these things:
*Rode Elephants
*Visited a Crocodile Farm
*Went to a Tiger Temple
*Tried Mangosteen, and it's by far my favorite fruit
*Took lots of road trips: Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Kansas, California, Colorado, Kentucky, Tennessee
*Went to a floating market
*Visited Thai Palaces
*Took a mission trip to Northern Thailand with a Thai church
*Went to Koh Samet and saw the prettiest blue water I have ever seen
*Oragnized a middle school 3-day service project
*Went to Krabi/Phuket
*Lots of weddings for friends, and sisters, and cousins
*I was a nanny for the summer
*Serious relationships that obviously didn't last
*Lots of camping trips
*My first backpacking trip
*I was a children's minister
*made lifelong friends
*lost friends that I thought would be lifelong friends
*gained confidence in myself
*learned to have a voice
*Went to the Kentucky Derby- twice
*Been able to go to my first NFL game
*Tailgating for MU games
*Found a good church
*Volunteering with True/False
*Volunteering with Citizen Jane
*Volunteering with Roots N Blues
*Volunteering with Room at the Inn
So many different things happened in my life during this decade. I hope that this next one brings a couple things that didn't happen, as well as tons more adventures!
Here's to the next decade... may it be the best yet!
Lessons from 2019
Thinking about the year 2019....
What a year it was. I feel like it started out in this pretty good place, and then it just completely unraveled. But the thing is that it is ending pretty well. I have learned so much this year. About myself, about other people, and about my purpose in this world. I don't have everything figured out, but I sure do have a better grip on what I want in this life. I don't know what is in store for 2020, but I know that I have more faith in God right now, then I maybe ever have before. But I also know that my faith looks very different than it has in the past. So, here I sit... watching the Packers lose, and thinking about this year. Thinking about the memories that I hold, the great conversations that I have had, and the people that have pushed me and encouraged me along the way.
This year I had moments where I felt the most alone I ever have. It was awful, and I wasn't sure that I would make it out of those moments, but I did. I dusted myself off, got up and realized that sometimes you just have to get up and start going. That is sometimes the only way to move past the darkness. We aren't always going to have people around us. In this year I have learned that there will be a lot of people that leave. There will be a lot of people that just don't need to be there for all the days of my journey. They are only there for a little while.
I have also learned that I am a helper. What makes me happy is helping other people, and being there for them. It is sometimes my greatest weakness, as well as my greatest strength. To love others the way they need to be loved. To see them in their moments of heartache, and be able to step in and be there for them. I don't do it perfectly, but I sure do try. I used to think that there was something wrong with me, but this year has taught me that there isn't. I am exactly who I need to be. Sometimes it is too much for people. They don't agree with my philosophies on life, and they don't want anything to do with me. It might hurt for a little while, but honestly I have to come to realize that I am just not right for those people. We don't have to be friends with everyone, in fact we can't be. So... I have my people in my life, and I am going to choose to invest in them, and hopefully they invest in me. I lost a friend this year, that I would have never imagined losing. She was one of those people that comes across like she actually cares about others, but I have to wonder if it was all just a façade?
So I ponder and think about everything that came about in 2019.... and here is what I learned:
*Friendships are what we make of them. Sometimes we have to let friends go and it's not a reflection of who we are.
*God's timing is perfect, even if the wait is difficult.
*Always be open to people that come back into your life, it just might bring some of the best friendships.
*Everyone feels lonely sometimes, the best we can do is reach out to each other, and not be self-focused.
*My Enneagram is a 2! Loving, helpful, generous, and considerate! There is nothing wrong with being a 2!
*I am not single, because I am not enough.
*Being there for other people is my greatest gift.
*The best is yet to come!
All in all 2019 was a good year! Can't wait to see what 2020 holds!
What a year it was. I feel like it started out in this pretty good place, and then it just completely unraveled. But the thing is that it is ending pretty well. I have learned so much this year. About myself, about other people, and about my purpose in this world. I don't have everything figured out, but I sure do have a better grip on what I want in this life. I don't know what is in store for 2020, but I know that I have more faith in God right now, then I maybe ever have before. But I also know that my faith looks very different than it has in the past. So, here I sit... watching the Packers lose, and thinking about this year. Thinking about the memories that I hold, the great conversations that I have had, and the people that have pushed me and encouraged me along the way.
This year I had moments where I felt the most alone I ever have. It was awful, and I wasn't sure that I would make it out of those moments, but I did. I dusted myself off, got up and realized that sometimes you just have to get up and start going. That is sometimes the only way to move past the darkness. We aren't always going to have people around us. In this year I have learned that there will be a lot of people that leave. There will be a lot of people that just don't need to be there for all the days of my journey. They are only there for a little while.
I have also learned that I am a helper. What makes me happy is helping other people, and being there for them. It is sometimes my greatest weakness, as well as my greatest strength. To love others the way they need to be loved. To see them in their moments of heartache, and be able to step in and be there for them. I don't do it perfectly, but I sure do try. I used to think that there was something wrong with me, but this year has taught me that there isn't. I am exactly who I need to be. Sometimes it is too much for people. They don't agree with my philosophies on life, and they don't want anything to do with me. It might hurt for a little while, but honestly I have to come to realize that I am just not right for those people. We don't have to be friends with everyone, in fact we can't be. So... I have my people in my life, and I am going to choose to invest in them, and hopefully they invest in me. I lost a friend this year, that I would have never imagined losing. She was one of those people that comes across like she actually cares about others, but I have to wonder if it was all just a façade?
So I ponder and think about everything that came about in 2019.... and here is what I learned:
*Friendships are what we make of them. Sometimes we have to let friends go and it's not a reflection of who we are.
*God's timing is perfect, even if the wait is difficult.
*Always be open to people that come back into your life, it just might bring some of the best friendships.
*Everyone feels lonely sometimes, the best we can do is reach out to each other, and not be self-focused.
*My Enneagram is a 2! Loving, helpful, generous, and considerate! There is nothing wrong with being a 2!
*I am not single, because I am not enough.
*Being there for other people is my greatest gift.
*The best is yet to come!
All in all 2019 was a good year! Can't wait to see what 2020 holds!
Thursday, December 19, 2019
Is 2019 over yet?
I've had this thought multiple times in the past few days. It isn't because 2019 was a bad year. It wasn't a bad year at all. It just held a lot of ups and downs. A lot moments of trying to understand my place in this world. Don't get me wrong, I did a lot of fun things, I had a lot of dreams and plans for this year. This was going to be the year, you know? Yet here I am almost nearing the end of it, and I am not sure if I truly accomplished even half of what I set out to accomplish. But I know this. I've learned a lot. I've learned about who I am, who I want to be and who God is. This year was a very long journey. There were quite a few lonely moments. But then there were moments when I realized just how important I am to people, and I am thankful for that.
I tried to fit in to a lot of different places this year. I said good-bye to people and places that I no longer fit into. But I also welcomed some new places some new people that I didn't know I would find a place to belong with. The thing is that what this year has taught me is a lot about who I am, and how I interact with those around me.
We all come with baggage, right? We have had people walk away from us, we have lost people that we thought would be in our lives forever. We have been hurt, and rejected. We have been loved by the wrong person multiple times, or had to reject someone because they did not work out and bring out the best in us. But it depends on what we do with those moments.
This year I let those things almost break me.... but you know what? I've had some pretty epic people come into my life, that make me want to heal from those wounds.
So... 2019... maybe it wasn't a year for a lot of memorable things, but I sure learned a lot and I had a lot of fun moments with friends and family.... Here are some of my highlights, or memorable things....
* I read a lot of books! There will be a post about those later, when I get my final number of books read for 2019!!!
*My word for the year was FOCUS, and I feel like I did a pretty good job of focusing on my goals for the year. I didn't accomplish all of them, but I made progress!
*I got to tutor a lot of Korean students this year, and it was a blast.
*I did a lot of cooking this year, and I love it!
*I started sewing a quilt, something that I need to get back to doing. I love it.
*I learned about hygge, and started trying to make it a part of my life
*I got to be a Queen for True/False! It was amazing!
*I had garden, and it actually grew things that I got to use in my cooking.
*I have plants that are thriving on my patio.
*My city flooded... a lot, as well as a lot of the Katy Trail
*I grew microgreens, and they were delicious
*I went to the Kentucky Derby, and made two of my hats!
*I went camping in 3 different state parks
*I joined a small group in JC
* I stopped leading the three year old class.
* There was a tornado in my city
* I got a new niece
*I spent most of my summer hanging out at the pool, reading
*I had a fun trip to Branson/Kentucky
* I got a different position at my job
*I've had some great epic weekends full of football, beer, and staying out late
*Tailgating at all the home games I could
* Tried a new fun drink... Mt. Dew and apple whiskey
*One of the best homecoming weekends I've been to
*Backpacked overnight in a huge storm, and almost had to climb up a cliff
*Went to Michigan to the northern peninsula and got to taste all the wine
*Work trips to Joplin, Rolla, St. Louis, and Springfield
This year has been a good one, but I am happy to close the door. I truly believe that 2020 holds some things I have been praying and hoping for...…
I tried to fit in to a lot of different places this year. I said good-bye to people and places that I no longer fit into. But I also welcomed some new places some new people that I didn't know I would find a place to belong with. The thing is that what this year has taught me is a lot about who I am, and how I interact with those around me.
We all come with baggage, right? We have had people walk away from us, we have lost people that we thought would be in our lives forever. We have been hurt, and rejected. We have been loved by the wrong person multiple times, or had to reject someone because they did not work out and bring out the best in us. But it depends on what we do with those moments.
This year I let those things almost break me.... but you know what? I've had some pretty epic people come into my life, that make me want to heal from those wounds.
So... 2019... maybe it wasn't a year for a lot of memorable things, but I sure learned a lot and I had a lot of fun moments with friends and family.... Here are some of my highlights, or memorable things....
* I read a lot of books! There will be a post about those later, when I get my final number of books read for 2019!!!
*My word for the year was FOCUS, and I feel like I did a pretty good job of focusing on my goals for the year. I didn't accomplish all of them, but I made progress!
*I got to tutor a lot of Korean students this year, and it was a blast.
*I did a lot of cooking this year, and I love it!
*I started sewing a quilt, something that I need to get back to doing. I love it.
*I learned about hygge, and started trying to make it a part of my life
*I got to be a Queen for True/False! It was amazing!
*I had garden, and it actually grew things that I got to use in my cooking.
*I have plants that are thriving on my patio.
*My city flooded... a lot, as well as a lot of the Katy Trail
*I grew microgreens, and they were delicious
*I went to the Kentucky Derby, and made two of my hats!
*I went camping in 3 different state parks
*I joined a small group in JC
* I stopped leading the three year old class.
* There was a tornado in my city
* I got a new niece
*I spent most of my summer hanging out at the pool, reading
*I had a fun trip to Branson/Kentucky
* I got a different position at my job
*I've had some great epic weekends full of football, beer, and staying out late
*Tailgating at all the home games I could
* Tried a new fun drink... Mt. Dew and apple whiskey
*One of the best homecoming weekends I've been to
*Backpacked overnight in a huge storm, and almost had to climb up a cliff
*Went to Michigan to the northern peninsula and got to taste all the wine
*Work trips to Joplin, Rolla, St. Louis, and Springfield
This year has been a good one, but I am happy to close the door. I truly believe that 2020 holds some things I have been praying and hoping for...…
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Second Chances, and Not just Throwing People Away
I can't even believe that it is already December! How in the world has so much time gone past, and so quickly? It feels like it was just December 2018 last year! I'm not saying that I don't want 2019 to end, because trust me when I say... this year can be over. But it wasn't a bad year. I felt pretty alone a lot of the time, but I grew in ways I didn't even know that I would.
Sometimes we don't even realize what God is preparing us for. Sometimes we get so lost in the way that we look to everyone else we forget to find ourselves. We forget that to the right people we will not be too much. Sure they might get annoyed with us at times, but they will never want to throw us away.
In the past couple of months, but even more in the past week I have been reminded that we can give people second chances. Or third chances, or more. We can do that.... you know why? Because I am continuously given chances over and over again. I do things on a daily basis that should mean that I am no longer in the grasp of God. I have rejected Him, I have chosen to go my own way. I have spent more time scrolling through FB then listening to Him. Yet He chooses me anyways.
I have been pretty hurt by quite a few people over the past couple of years. I am sure some of them have even made it into some of my blog posts! But what I didn't think about was the fact that maybe those people would re-enter my life at a different time, when I was more ready for their friendship. Maybe, sometimes we need a break from someone so that we can be changed in a way where we are ready for them to re-enter our lives. Because as they re-enter we both are in a different place.
I'm so very glad for answered prayers. Prayers about friendship and people. I absolutely hate losing people from my life. It breaks my heart, and makes me wonder what is wrong with me. The thing is that it might not be about me. Not really. It might just be about needing to be a better version of me.
Friendship is based on love. It should be based on the kind of love that sees you through the mistakes, the weaknesses, and the flaws. It should be the kind of love that pushes you to be the best version of yourself. The kind that isn't self-seeking. That's the kind of friendships I want.
I lost my best friend a few years ago. Well at least I thought she was my best friend. As it turns out, maybe we never were as good of friends as I thought. Because I didn't feel secure in her friendship... not really. I never felt like she had my back no matter what. I always felt like I had to prove myself in our friendship. That I was never enough, there was always someone better to spend time with. I think in many ways those feelings were accurate. She might never have actually said that, but her actions spoke volumes. Since losing her as a best friend, and even a friend I have been searching for someone that I can meet on that best friend level.
Sometimes answers to prayers show up in the most unexpected places. I don't even think I realized that it was happening, until the other day... and then I realized that this person that has come back into my life after a little bit of a hiatus.... this person has become my best friend. He understands me, calls me out when I am being ridiculous and is there for me. Our friendship isn't perfect, but I am so very thankful for it. It's a lesson for me though. Sometimes it's okay to give second chances. Sometimes it's okay for friendships to breathe out and then in again. We all have things that we need to go through. Sometimes we can go through them together, but sometimes we have to go through them with some space. I also am not sure that I have ever had a better best friend. It might be unexpected, and really honestly sometimes it feels surreal... but I don't ever doubt my worth in our friendship... and I am truly thankful for that!
There have been about 5 people in the last week, that are now back in my life that for one reason or another have been absent for a little while. I had cast them aside, thinking that I was too much for them. But in this new stage, where I realize that the right people will always stay or find their way back, I can't help but think that this might be the reason I have been here for so long. This might be the reason that I have stayed.
We have to see everyone for who they are. Their flaws, their inability to react the way we want them to, the way that they don't meet our expectations. We have to see them, and then decide if we are going to love them through all of that, or throw them away. I have a couple people in my life that I have had to throw away. I didn't like doing it, and if I'm honest I still FB stalk them every once in awhile, but they were toxic for my life. They weren't meant for me. I don't know that they won't come back in my life one day... and maybe we will both be at a better place. But for now they are not there. I still love them, I still know that they are in fact created for a purpose, but unfortunately that purpose does not have to involve me... and that's okay.
There is no way for me to love, and intentionally know everyone in the world. It would be exhausting, honestly. But the people that are in my life. The people that come back into my life after being gone. Those people I need to intentionally keep. I don't know who is here for a season or a lifetime, but you know what? I am going to enjoy the heck out of the time I get with them. I am going to be there for them, love them.... see all their flaws, and love them some more. We aren't called to love people because they are easy to love. We are called to love them because they were created in His image.... by loving them and all that they are.... we are sharing His love. His love that is greater than anything we could ever imagine. So, tonight I reflect on what I can do to continue to love. I reflect on having prayers answered in regards to friendship. And I am truly thankful!
Maybe if we gave more second chances.... this world might be a more loving place.
Sometimes we don't even realize what God is preparing us for. Sometimes we get so lost in the way that we look to everyone else we forget to find ourselves. We forget that to the right people we will not be too much. Sure they might get annoyed with us at times, but they will never want to throw us away.
In the past couple of months, but even more in the past week I have been reminded that we can give people second chances. Or third chances, or more. We can do that.... you know why? Because I am continuously given chances over and over again. I do things on a daily basis that should mean that I am no longer in the grasp of God. I have rejected Him, I have chosen to go my own way. I have spent more time scrolling through FB then listening to Him. Yet He chooses me anyways.
I have been pretty hurt by quite a few people over the past couple of years. I am sure some of them have even made it into some of my blog posts! But what I didn't think about was the fact that maybe those people would re-enter my life at a different time, when I was more ready for their friendship. Maybe, sometimes we need a break from someone so that we can be changed in a way where we are ready for them to re-enter our lives. Because as they re-enter we both are in a different place.
I'm so very glad for answered prayers. Prayers about friendship and people. I absolutely hate losing people from my life. It breaks my heart, and makes me wonder what is wrong with me. The thing is that it might not be about me. Not really. It might just be about needing to be a better version of me.
Friendship is based on love. It should be based on the kind of love that sees you through the mistakes, the weaknesses, and the flaws. It should be the kind of love that pushes you to be the best version of yourself. The kind that isn't self-seeking. That's the kind of friendships I want.
I lost my best friend a few years ago. Well at least I thought she was my best friend. As it turns out, maybe we never were as good of friends as I thought. Because I didn't feel secure in her friendship... not really. I never felt like she had my back no matter what. I always felt like I had to prove myself in our friendship. That I was never enough, there was always someone better to spend time with. I think in many ways those feelings were accurate. She might never have actually said that, but her actions spoke volumes. Since losing her as a best friend, and even a friend I have been searching for someone that I can meet on that best friend level.
Sometimes answers to prayers show up in the most unexpected places. I don't even think I realized that it was happening, until the other day... and then I realized that this person that has come back into my life after a little bit of a hiatus.... this person has become my best friend. He understands me, calls me out when I am being ridiculous and is there for me. Our friendship isn't perfect, but I am so very thankful for it. It's a lesson for me though. Sometimes it's okay to give second chances. Sometimes it's okay for friendships to breathe out and then in again. We all have things that we need to go through. Sometimes we can go through them together, but sometimes we have to go through them with some space. I also am not sure that I have ever had a better best friend. It might be unexpected, and really honestly sometimes it feels surreal... but I don't ever doubt my worth in our friendship... and I am truly thankful for that!
There have been about 5 people in the last week, that are now back in my life that for one reason or another have been absent for a little while. I had cast them aside, thinking that I was too much for them. But in this new stage, where I realize that the right people will always stay or find their way back, I can't help but think that this might be the reason I have been here for so long. This might be the reason that I have stayed.
We have to see everyone for who they are. Their flaws, their inability to react the way we want them to, the way that they don't meet our expectations. We have to see them, and then decide if we are going to love them through all of that, or throw them away. I have a couple people in my life that I have had to throw away. I didn't like doing it, and if I'm honest I still FB stalk them every once in awhile, but they were toxic for my life. They weren't meant for me. I don't know that they won't come back in my life one day... and maybe we will both be at a better place. But for now they are not there. I still love them, I still know that they are in fact created for a purpose, but unfortunately that purpose does not have to involve me... and that's okay.
There is no way for me to love, and intentionally know everyone in the world. It would be exhausting, honestly. But the people that are in my life. The people that come back into my life after being gone. Those people I need to intentionally keep. I don't know who is here for a season or a lifetime, but you know what? I am going to enjoy the heck out of the time I get with them. I am going to be there for them, love them.... see all their flaws, and love them some more. We aren't called to love people because they are easy to love. We are called to love them because they were created in His image.... by loving them and all that they are.... we are sharing His love. His love that is greater than anything we could ever imagine. So, tonight I reflect on what I can do to continue to love. I reflect on having prayers answered in regards to friendship. And I am truly thankful!
Maybe if we gave more second chances.... this world might be a more loving place.
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