Let me write for a minute about the world of dating and relationships. So, about a month ago I had someone message me on IG. It was a nice message, he had just seen my posts, and thought I was a fun person. So, we chatted a little bit, mostly just like how are you... blah blah stuff. Then all of a sudden he is asking me to "be his woman." What the heck? How in the world did dating and relationships get to be so messed up? How do you think that you know me, because you follow me on IG?
I guarantee you don't know me. I guarantee that you know the me that I put out there. The me that shows just enough. Yes it is in truth who I am, but there is so much more to me than pictures on IG. So, when you claim to "know me." That you don't want anyone else to "have me." Frankly you sound like a crazy person.
I am so tired of hearing about the "friend zone." Maybe it is true for some people, but you know what? All the successful marriages I know have started out as a really close friendship. All the people that I look up to have been able to be friends first through the ups and downs, and developed something from there. Sure there has to be a certain level of attraction, and flirting, but you know what? I guarantee you that if you aren't trying to be my friend, and not trying to walk beside me through my day to day, you are not going to make a good husband for me. I don't want someone who just comes in and sweeps me off my feet. Sure, romance is nice, but I want someone that I know I can count on. Someone that is going to be there when I need to just cry it out, someone that is going to protect me, stick up for me, be proud of me. Someone that is going to push me to break down the walls that I have built up. Someone that I can trust, someone that lets me see Jesus in the way he serves others. Someone that doesn't just want to "claim me."
I think that I am okay with being single if all that guys want to do is pursue, and then when they get what they want they are done. If you aren't willing to put the time and effort into being my friend, getting to know me, caring about what I care about, and letting me be there for you. Well, then I don't really want to try to make a life with you.
I feel like there is a different way to do dating than what we have turned it into. Swiping pictures, going to dinner, and then deciding if it's worth our time and effort. I just don't buy into it. I don't think that is how we get to know the messiness of someone's life. We have to be willing to really dig deep. To be vulnerable, and to ask the hard questions. The questions that help us to understand where our differences are. The questions that helps us to rethink our views, our stance on certain issues. I don't want to go through life with someone that is exactly like me, or that agrees with everything I do and say. What fun would that be? I want to go through life with someone that is going to stretch my beliefs, push me when I want to give up, and love me despite the mess that I am. I want someone that is going to put me first, after their faith. Someone that I can help, that I can turn to. Not just have mediocre conversations with. Let's get messy, dig deep, and not be afraid to be vulnerable. Vulnerability takes time, at least for me. So, let's stop jumping into things, and thinking that every person is our next husband or wife. Get to know someone, the real person, be there for their worst days, and then decide if it's someone you want to be there for through all their worst days.
Let's stop the swiping and leaping.... be authentically vulnerable and see what happens after that.
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