Thursday, January 26, 2017

Fullness without Rejection

How do you deal with rejection?  How do you deal with feeling left out of things?  For me, I stink at it.  I have lived my life feeling rejected every time someone does something without me, thinking that it is somehow connected to my worth.  Sometimes I analyze every single thing that happens in a span of months to determine if the people that I have been spending my time with really actually value me, or not. 

It is kind of a stinky place to live.  But I think that instances in my past have created this need in me.  This need to feel rejected.  This need to put myself down, because of words that others have spewed at me, or instances when I felt overlooked. 

As I was pondering over these things the past few weeks, reading a book and participating in a Bible study,  it seems that my heart has changed without me even realizing it.   Something happened last night that made me realize that I have grown if only just a little bit in this rejection process. 

Some friends that I have are taking a trip, and didn't invite me.  In the moment I wanted to feel rejected, and I even tried to conjure up those feelings, until I realized that I actually didn't feel rejected at all.  In fact it was quite the opposite.  It was this moment of realizing that I know exactly where I stand with this group of people without having to be included in every single moment of their lives.  Honestly I couldn't have gone on this trip anyways because of money and my job.... so it should be a mute point. 

However in the past I would have allowed it to put a wall up, and I would have allowed another brick of rejection to be put on top of that wall.  I would have analyzed it to the point of depression, and deep rejection.  I would have allowed it to change myself and my relationship. 

It wasn't until today when I was reading another Chapter in the book Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst that I realized why I didn't feel that rejection that I would have once felt. 

It is because I have been really intentional about practicing having God fill me. 

This quote from the book pretty much sums it up:  "The more fully we invite God in, the less we will feel uninvited by other."  -Lysa Terkeurst

How I live my life full of God?  First, I truly have to take time to read, pray, meditate, and just be.  It is so easy for me to get distracted, by social media, tv, films, or just lost in my own daydreams of the life I wish I had.  My fullness in God sometimes gets lost along the way, as I try to fill my heart with everything but Him.

In our lives we can feel rejected by those closest to us, I know I have.  In fact I haven't just felt rejected, I have been rejected.  People have stopped talking to me, walked away from me, substituted others in their lives to spend time with instead of me.  Every time I have gotten a broken heart.

But what if...what if my heart was completely full because of God?  What if my worth and value was full with His love?  What if I was truly inviting Him in to the deepest, scariest parts of my rejection?  Wouldn't I find that His love is enough?  Wouldn't I find that the brokenness of this world doesn't have to break me?

Right now I feel full, I feel good.  Right now I feel like I have people in my life that truly value and care about me.  But it isn't because I am doing everything right, or always feel a part of a community.  It is because I am finding my fullness in Him.  I am allowing Him to completely fill that loneliest part of me.

Why did it take me this long to figure it out? 

So, what do I do, when I feel rejected?  I pray, and acknowledge that I am worthy, valued, and loved.  I acknowledge that this world is broken.  I acknowledge that I am called to know Him more, and people will always fail.  But that failure just allows me more opportunity to grow in fullness.  

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