Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Almost 40, a puppy, and a pandemic...

 I turned 39 over a week ago.  It was a great weekend full of hiking, camping, friends/family, my puppy, and LOTS of BUG BITES!  

I hate bug bites.  I hate them with a passion, and my skin looks awful right now.  But you know what bug bites remind me of?  They remind me that there is healing.  That healing doesn't always take just a few quick moments, but can sometimes take longer then expected.  This birthday was the 3rd birthday that I have had since the birthday that pretty much made me wish to never have a birthday again.  

But as I reflect and think upon how quickly life can change.  I am so very thankful for what I have been through.  I've learned that the people worth keeping... well those people see your faults and love you anyways.  They are there for you even if you don't have an ounce of self-worth.  They see the you that is deep inside the walls that you have build and they love you to the core of who you are.  

I have learned that I am sometimes a very poor judge of character.  I believe what people say most of the time.  So when someone tells me that they love me, or that they like me for who I am.  Well.. I tend to believe them.  But I am learning that people don't always tell the truth.  You would think I would have learned that a long time  ago.  But honestly... I really truly want to believe what people say.  Unfortunately this world is full of people that just want to use you when they are lonely, or can get something out of you.  

So in this next year.. I want to do what I can to be the best version of me.  I wish I was celebrating this next year with someone by my side.  But that is not where my story is.  I don't know what the future holds, but I sure am thankful for exactly where I am right now.  

I'm okay going camping and hiking by myself.  I have a new puppy, and he has proven to be one of the best companions I have ever had.  I'm thankful that he's in my life, and is going to help me  welcome my 40's.  

If I'm honest there's someone in my life that I wish it would have turned into something else.  But it hasn't... and you know what?  That is okay.  Because I'm not desperate.  I want someone that wants to be with me because they love all of me... not just because the other person didn't work out for them.  

I turned 39 in the midst of a pandemic.  But you know what?  There is so much on the horizon that I can't help but feel thankful for what is going to happen  in the future.  So..  I'm trying to blog once a week...  here's my first one... we will see how this goes!  

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