I hear this phrase a lot... especially when someone doesn't meet the expectations I think they should meet. I feel like right now I have limited expectations for people. Because really we are all just trying to make it through this crazy world. A world where people are out of jobs, and are scared because of a virus. A world where there are about a million different theories on what is going on, and information changes daily. A world where you can't really trust the news media, or politicians. A world that is broken, honestly that is what it boils down to. I had a conversation with someone yesterday, and she brought to my attention that this world is broken. I mean that is the simple way to put it. We expect it to be easy, and everything to make us happy. But in reality our human nature is broken. On a daily basis we are bombarded with things that bring us down, expectations aren't met, and things don't work out the way we think they should.
I let myself have a day yesterday. A day to grieve a friendship that is changing. A day to grieve the lives that are being lost daily. A day to grieve my singleness, and what seems to be God not answering or even hearing my prayers about that. A day to grieve the children that I wish I had. A day to grieve the people that used to be such a huge part of my life that I don't even talk to anymore. A day to just be in my emotions and grieve. We need that every now and then. We need to be able to just be sad for a little while.
It's okay to be sad, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to let out those tears.... but then you pick yourself back up. You think about the good things that you are learning, the laughs, the prospect of what is to come, and you remember that even in the moments when it doesn't feel like there is a reason for your existence there is. There are going to be sad days, and hard days. Life isn't rainbows, glitter and unicorns, but I fully believe that acknowledging how I feel and then moving past those feelings is the only way to go.
I can only control myself. Other people get to make their own decisions whether I agree with them or not. Sometimes I get lost in thinking those decisions are or should be about me... but really they can't be. We are such selfish beings. I saw a friend post just the other day about how helping other people who wouldn't help you is something they do that they wish they wouldn't. This struck me... because I know that I do this. All the time. I am there for other people, and then when I need them they have disappeared into some place of being "too busy" or something else similar. So, I have to think about how I am going to live my life. Am I going to live it keeping tallies of what I have done for others? Am I going to live it only doing things for people that I deem "helpful" to my life? I think that depends on who you are. I know that I do a lot more in friendships most of the time then others do for me. I am there for people when they are going through hard things... I am the friend that usually reaches out first. I am the one that would drive 4 hours just to drop something off to you, and then drive back. Sometimes it is exhausting. Sometimes it does get to me. But at the end of the day, those things are the things that fill me up. Being able to help others is what I was created to do. I am sure that I should have more boundaries. Honestly though just being able to help others is really truly joy giving to me.
So, I guess today's post is just a bunch of things that I have been thinking and feeling. Nothing profound other than, we can't take other people's actions or decisions personal. I've learned a lot this past year. A lot about myself, what I want for my life, and the type of people I want in it. I have also learned a lot about what it means to be a friend. True friendship to me, sticks through no matter what. Of course friendships go through seasons. There will be some seasons when you can be super close, and spend a lot of time together, and other seasons when you are just going to be able to have brief moments here and there. But real friends won't walk away. They love you through the crazy mess that you are. They don't leave you when they find someone better. But it may look different for awhile, and in that you are seeing God's love in a new way. So I am thankful for the people in my life, and even in the moments when I want to run because I feel like I am about to get hurt, I cling to Jesus and know that what is meant to be in my life will stay.
So, here's to more days of living authentically, and trying my hardest not to make things personal.... although I'm human... so I know that I absolutely will fail at that somedays, but that's okay. I just get back up and try again.
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