It's hard for me to believe that it is that time of year again. This year I want to be very intentional with my Lent journey. Every year I typically give up social media. Although I still love social media, it isn't such a stronghold for me. Instead I find myself just wasting time on mindless things. So this year I am going to give up sugar, tv/movies and with that comes giving up alcohol. I know! It's about to get crazy! But I have been finding myself just exhausted lately. So I am going to give up sugar and replace it with only veggies, meat, and fruits. I am still attempting Keto, but for the next 40 weekdays starting Wednesday, March 6th I am going to try to only live by things grown in the ground, or from animals. I am going to spend the time I would normally spend mindlessly in front of a tv reading.
Here's to this journey! May it change me!
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Saturday, February 16, 2019
Book #9.... Sisters First by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush
Somehow I have actually read 9 books instead of just 8 as I looked back through my list. So I am going to just get on track with this blog post! What a great book it was! I was crying and laughing at the Bush family antics. It gave me such a wonderful look into their family life. I think sometimes we get so stuck on political parties that we forget to see the people. We forget to open our heart to understand where they are coming from. I'm thankful for this family, and their story.
Some of my favorite quotes:
"I do appreciate the beauty in others, and every close friend of mine, from all over the world, began as a stranger, just as I began as a stranger to them- even if at the beginning they recognized my name." page 14
What a great thing to be able to say that you appreciate the beauty in others. From the moment I started reading this book, the Bush twins amazed me with their love for other people. I deeply connect with them on this. We are also about the same age, and so this book has so many similarities to my own childhood, it amazes me.
"As a professional wanderer, I've never wanted to accumulate many things." page 21
Yes! Yes to this so much!
"Rather he wanted to teach us that it was the family moments, the light moments, and the joyous moments, on which we should make our lasting moments." page 29
Sometimes we get so serious that I think we forget about just enjoying the small moments.
"In many ways, I was fortunate that it was the year of 2000. These were the last days of dry-erase message boards on dorm room doors, where people left notes when they were dropping by rather than sending texts from down the hall. There was no Facebook, no Twitter, whatever my friends might have thought or said when I wasn't around, I never saw them post anything." page 87
Those were the days! I am SO very glad that I went to college when I did. I am so very glad that my high school days did not have Facebook or Instagram. That my every fault wasn't captured on social media. I am so glad that I grew up in the days when life seemed a little more authentic and a lot less face-paced.
"It is a reminder that in any debate there are humans on all sides." page 136
Yes, this! We are all human. Even in disagreements, we are all humans. We all have to try to understand each other.
"In my work, I have been able to surround myself with caring humans, those who actively choose love for one another over division and fear. Today, they are the ones rewriting the rules and the myths of love." page 181
Let's all be humans that choose love over division and fear. There is so much fear driving this world. We think that we are better than others, we fear what others might bring into our lives, and we allow that to drive us into very dark places.
"I hoped I could help viewers to see that beyond any titles, there are real families and real people who live in this home called the White House." page 190
If I could choose one thing that this book among others has helped me to see, this quote is it. Real families, even the current one. Let's look beyond what we think of the people we encounter. Let's be authentic and love people no matter what!
Some of my favorite quotes:
"I do appreciate the beauty in others, and every close friend of mine, from all over the world, began as a stranger, just as I began as a stranger to them- even if at the beginning they recognized my name." page 14
What a great thing to be able to say that you appreciate the beauty in others. From the moment I started reading this book, the Bush twins amazed me with their love for other people. I deeply connect with them on this. We are also about the same age, and so this book has so many similarities to my own childhood, it amazes me.
"As a professional wanderer, I've never wanted to accumulate many things." page 21
Yes! Yes to this so much!
"Rather he wanted to teach us that it was the family moments, the light moments, and the joyous moments, on which we should make our lasting moments." page 29
Sometimes we get so serious that I think we forget about just enjoying the small moments.
"In many ways, I was fortunate that it was the year of 2000. These were the last days of dry-erase message boards on dorm room doors, where people left notes when they were dropping by rather than sending texts from down the hall. There was no Facebook, no Twitter, whatever my friends might have thought or said when I wasn't around, I never saw them post anything." page 87
Those were the days! I am SO very glad that I went to college when I did. I am so very glad that my high school days did not have Facebook or Instagram. That my every fault wasn't captured on social media. I am so glad that I grew up in the days when life seemed a little more authentic and a lot less face-paced.
"It is a reminder that in any debate there are humans on all sides." page 136
Yes, this! We are all human. Even in disagreements, we are all humans. We all have to try to understand each other.
"In my work, I have been able to surround myself with caring humans, those who actively choose love for one another over division and fear. Today, they are the ones rewriting the rules and the myths of love." page 181
Let's all be humans that choose love over division and fear. There is so much fear driving this world. We think that we are better than others, we fear what others might bring into our lives, and we allow that to drive us into very dark places.
"I hoped I could help viewers to see that beyond any titles, there are real families and real people who live in this home called the White House." page 190
If I could choose one thing that this book among others has helped me to see, this quote is it. Real families, even the current one. Let's look beyond what we think of the people we encounter. Let's be authentic and love people no matter what!
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Book #7.... Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
It's amazing to me how the books that I read come to me at just the right moments. I started this book not knowing what this week would bring, and it has brought some tough things. The conversations that have played in my head have brought back a lot of memories, shame, guilt, regret. All of the things that I have tried so very hard to move past and not allow in my space.
I have 14 pages of quotes from this book. I won't put them all in this blog, but if you ever read this book and want to have a conversation about it with me, I would absolutely love that!
This week I came face to face with vulnerability and what I tell myself so that I don't have to feel vulnerable. Because we all know that being vulnerable means that we could get hurt.
One of the first quotes that I wrote down was this, "Each strategy was built on the same premise: keep everyone at a safe distance and always have an exit strategy." page 7
I do this so well. I have gotten better over the years, but when I feel like I am about to get rejected, I back away. If I feel like I am being left out of something, or I am too much for someone I disengage. Then becomes the self talk that inside my head tells me I am not worthy of that person, I am not enough for them. But you know what? It's not true.
"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. page 34
Not too long ago I allowed someone back in my life that had hurt me a lot. This person had spread lies about me, and put me down over and over again. They called me awful things that I know aren't true, but still cut me. This person and I had no contact for a year. Then last fall they messaged me and apologized. I forgave them. I was there for them when they were going through a really hard time. But I had to stop being there for them so much because they were coming to rely on me as their source of happiness, and as their only friend. I don't want to ever not be there for someone, but I also know that when you put someone in the place of bringing you happiness and contentment that puts the other person in a awkward and stressful position. So, I didn't give them all the attention that they wanted and they deleted me. I was vulnerable, I forgave them, and they got rid of me. So even though I know that in reality it is this person that is struggling and needs to work through stuff. That little voice inside of me kept repeating, "It's because you weren't enough." "You weren't a good friend" "You didn't do what you could have done." And on and on that voice went.
As I was dealing with this I was also reading this book. I wanted to disengage from everyone. I wanted to just get rid of all the other people in my life that could reject me and cause me pain, even though none of them have ever hurt me. But because of this situation two other things happened. Instead of seeing them for what they were, I saw them as more shame and rejection. I took these situations and I let them be more proof that I am not enough.
Then I read some more...
"Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fear- the fears of being abandoned, unworthy and unloveable." page 52
"I stayed so busy that the truth of my hurting and fear could never catch up. I looked brave on the outside and felt scared on the inside." page 55
Yes, I wanted to just wallow in my feelings. I didn't know that I was allowing shame to be a part of me for so long. But there are some more ways that I need to engage... more things that I have to learn.
"We have to be able to talk about how we feel, what we need and desire, and we have to be able to listen with an open heart and an open mind. There is no intimacy without vulnerability. Yet another powerful example of vulnerability as courage." page 104
"To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections." page 131
I want to claim the truth of who I am. My worth has to be felt by me first. I can't find it in any friendships, I can't find it in experiences. I have to find it in myself. I have to know that those that are meant to be in my life will accept me for who I am. They will love me for all of the things. The things that are good, and the things that are frustrating. They will love me no matter what I look like, or what I accomplish. Because they will love and accept me for all of who I am.
"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." page 146
"I have a picture of a person on a tightrope hanging over my desk to remind me that working to stay open and at the same time to keep boundaries in place is worth the energy and risk." page 169
I don't know that I won't have more days like the past two. Where I allow myself to go to a place of shame, but I know that I am working on it. Everyday I am closer to living life Wholeheartedly.
"Daring greatly means finding our own path and respecting what that search looks like for other folks." page 231
Here's to Daring Greatly....
Friday, February 1, 2019
Book #6 of 2019 ..... "The Nine of Us" Growing Up Kennedy
To peak inside this family of nine is one of the greatest treasures I have ever been given. The way that the Kennedy family was raised is mind blowing to me. The compassion and care that they put into life, and other people is something that we need again. One of the most endearing parts of this book was the fact that there is SO much information about each individual and how they were able to make the family whole. It reminds me of my own family, and all the different aspects that make us a family. As I struggle with not having my own family, I read stories like this and feel very much in awe. But there is also this jealousy that grabs a hold of me because I want that. Maybe not 9 children, but this story it truly does open that part of me even more.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"Mother and Dad both descended from Irish immigrants, a fact that profoundly affected their outlook on life and the choices they made for their family." -page 10
There is such a stigma on immigrants right now in our country, yet if we really took time to look at where our ancestors came from, would we be so quick to judge, so quick to "build a wall?" If you have never been in a position where you have been judged based on the country you were from, or not being able to speak the language, you are not going to understand what I am talking about. One day we are going to realize just how important immigration is to our country, but then it is going to be too late.
"All of us understood from the earliest age that we were required to use our talents and gifts for the good of others and of our country." page 12
What if this was what we taught? What if every family in the world taught that using our gifts and talents to benefit others, instead of the other way around. How different this world would be!
"As I look back, it is clear how intentional my parents were in every decision they made. They did not rely on chance, but instead set very clear rules through their example." page 12
If I ever get to be a parent one day... this is the kind of parent I want to be. The kind of parent that is an example of how to love others, how to have self control, how to say what I mean. Not the kind of parent that is like, oh you can't have any sugar but I am going to eat this candy bar right in front of you. Or the kind of parent that has one set of rules for my kid, but as an adult I don't abide by those same rules. I never want to be that kind of parent.
"He could not abide us feeling sorry for ourselves. Life was far too good for us to whine about small things. It was selfish, and on top of that it was boring." page 13
I want to take this advice in my own life. The past couple of days have not really helped me with this. I want to start asking myself if what I am complaining about is really worth it in the long run. Most of the time it isn't at all.
"In our family in sickness and in health, we were all involved with one another, all in the same life, a continuum, a seamless fabric, a flow of time." Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
Yes! So much this! I think that if only we could grasp how the family should be. That we are there for each other, to help each other. That we rely on each other, and push through the tough moments. That adult relationships evolve as kids get older, and they turn into something more.
There were so many more quotes that I loved from this book, but mostly I just loved the story. I loved what this family stood for. I loved that this story did not focus on the tragedy, but on each individual person and the role they played in making this world better.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"Mother and Dad both descended from Irish immigrants, a fact that profoundly affected their outlook on life and the choices they made for their family." -page 10
There is such a stigma on immigrants right now in our country, yet if we really took time to look at where our ancestors came from, would we be so quick to judge, so quick to "build a wall?" If you have never been in a position where you have been judged based on the country you were from, or not being able to speak the language, you are not going to understand what I am talking about. One day we are going to realize just how important immigration is to our country, but then it is going to be too late.
"All of us understood from the earliest age that we were required to use our talents and gifts for the good of others and of our country." page 12
What if this was what we taught? What if every family in the world taught that using our gifts and talents to benefit others, instead of the other way around. How different this world would be!
"As I look back, it is clear how intentional my parents were in every decision they made. They did not rely on chance, but instead set very clear rules through their example." page 12
If I ever get to be a parent one day... this is the kind of parent I want to be. The kind of parent that is an example of how to love others, how to have self control, how to say what I mean. Not the kind of parent that is like, oh you can't have any sugar but I am going to eat this candy bar right in front of you. Or the kind of parent that has one set of rules for my kid, but as an adult I don't abide by those same rules. I never want to be that kind of parent.
"He could not abide us feeling sorry for ourselves. Life was far too good for us to whine about small things. It was selfish, and on top of that it was boring." page 13
I want to take this advice in my own life. The past couple of days have not really helped me with this. I want to start asking myself if what I am complaining about is really worth it in the long run. Most of the time it isn't at all.
"In our family in sickness and in health, we were all involved with one another, all in the same life, a continuum, a seamless fabric, a flow of time." Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
Yes! So much this! I think that if only we could grasp how the family should be. That we are there for each other, to help each other. That we rely on each other, and push through the tough moments. That adult relationships evolve as kids get older, and they turn into something more.
There were so many more quotes that I loved from this book, but mostly I just loved the story. I loved what this family stood for. I loved that this story did not focus on the tragedy, but on each individual person and the role they played in making this world better.
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