It has been over 10 days since I have been able to take time to sit down and blog. There has been a lot that I have had to work through in those days, and a lot that I have just been distracted by. I find that there are definitely seasons of life that are busier than others. There are also seasons of life that I make myself busy because it is easier than thinking through things that are hard. It is easier than dealing with the feelings that I have tried to push away for so long.
I find that the past is always something that we have to heal from. There are always situations that bring up pain from the past. There are always triggers that we know in our own hearts and souls that will cause us to begin spiraling downward so far that we miss all the healing that we did to get us into the new place. There were some things that triggered my own past hurts and pain, and I almost just gave up. I almost left everything that I had been so excited about being a part of because I got hurt. Because expectations didn't meet reality. Then, I was reminded of my role in this world. I was reminded that we truly live out life to the fullest when we are open to hurt and pain, because it is through that hurt and pain that we truly become more of ourselves. It is also through that hurt and pain that we learn how to truly love. Expectations will never be reality, because perfection is obsolete except through Christ. There is nothing that will turn out exactly how I want, because I am not in control of it. My healing process these days looks a lot different than my healing process used to. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that God's grace and mercy has brought me to a place where I do not have to fear rejection as much. I am able to be vulnerable enough to let people in knowing that there will sometimes be hurt and pain along the way. In the end though I come out with a greater knowledge and love of Christ, because of that vulnerability.