There comes a point in your life, actually probably many points in your life when you have a crisis of faith. You have to come to terms with what you believe, why you believe it, and how you will continue to live out what you believe. I actually have to believe that it is a journey. That there are so many different moments in our life when we have to re-examine what we have come to believe as truth, and mold that into our new truths. I don't think that it means we are leaving behind anything necessarily, but just that our faith has to evolve over time. We have deeper knowledge and wisdom as we continue along the messy path called life. We get knocked down by things that really shouldn't hold power over us and we have to get back up and either let whatever it was that knocked us down hold weight or we let it go and move forward.
Springtime means new beginnings. Springtime means Easter. Springtime means re-examining what has been going on in my life. Springtime means a fresh start. Easter means that death no longer wins. I don't have to try and outsmart it. I don't have to try and outrun it. I don't have to be sad, scared or afraid. Easter means that light and life are victorious.
As I examine Easter from many different angles I have to realize that not everyone believes that it holds the value I do. I don't think that means that we can't all agree that Easter is still a time of hope, joy, and love. A time to believe in something, or at least re-examine the beliefs that are held and have been held up to this point. Easter means looking at truth and either admitting it or rejecting it.
The past year I feel like I was on a journey that came awfully close to rejection. As I was having a conversation the other night with one of my pastors his question to me was basically how do you hold onto what you believe and not walk away?
In the past couple of days I have had to ask myself that question a few times. Honestly I don't know that I can do it. I don't know that I have the strength in me to not walk away. If I am doing life on my own, and trying to be in control...well then I know that I DON'T have the strength. I know that I am prone to doubt and fear. I know that I am the most likely person to throw my hands up and say that I quit. I know that because I have tried it. I have tried to say that I don't want to believe this anymore. I have tried to give up, to walk away and to just be a living, breathing human being with no faith.
You know what? It doesn't work that way. That is not who I was created to be. I wasn't mean to live life without faith. I wasn't meant to just be created and that's it. There is a purpose behind me. There is more purpose to me, then I will ever be able to understand.
Easter shows me that I am loved. Easter shows me that I am valued. Easter shows me that I can't do anything on my own. Easter shows me that love is willing to do whatever it takes. Easter shows me that I am worth dying for.
Easter has many meanings. Sometimes those meanings get lost in the mundane activities that arrive to disrupt the focus we should have on this special day.
For me, Easter means taking moments out of my day to understand that I am loved, valued, cared for, and enough. I am enough. I don't have to have perfect faith. I don't have to be in control. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to be okay with suffering, pain, and death. Easter means that I can live my life, that it can be messy, and that's okay.
Easter means that someone took my place, so that I can live. Easter means an indescribable love.
Easter has might have many meanings, but it allows my life to only have ONE. To love and be loved, to authentically live and allow others to see me, in order to see Him.