Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Quiet through the Storm

This whole past weekend was supposed to be rainy.  The forecast made it seem like we were all going to be stuck indoors for the long haul.  Even this week was supposed to rain everyday.  It got me thinking about life, and the future.  Sometimes when we look at the future it seems like it is just going to be full of rain... it seems like we are stuck in this place of never getting what we want and prayers going unanswered.  I feel like that a lot of times, especially when I am thinking about where I thought I would be in life right now.  But this year, especially the last few months have taught me a lot about my faith, and the things that happen in my life.  I have relied a lot on making things go the way I want them to go.  If someone doesn't choose me, I take it personally and focus on what I could have done wrong.  I'm reading the Boundaries book right now, and I am finding it to be very enlightening.  I'm realizing more and more that I'm a pretty cool person to be around.  I'm a good friend.  I give sometimes to the point of breaking.  So, if people want to leave my life, or not put forth the effort to get to spend time with me... well that's on them.  I'm not going to push my way into anyone's life.  I'm also not going to let people use me for my kindness, and willingness to be there for them.

So I have decided that sometimes when it seems like the storm will just keep going... you just have to sit it out.  You have to wait, and sometimes wait some more.  In the wait you realize that you don't control the storm.  But you control how you react to the storm.  You can either waste a lot of time and energy trying to get the storm to go somewhere else, or you can enjoy it... learn in it... and move forward when the sun comes out.

We all have emotions, and experiences that mold us and define us.  We all have moments in time that we wish we would have said something, and not let that moment slip away.  We all have people that we wish could see us differently, and wish they wanted us to be a bigger part of our life than we are.  But the thing that keeps replaying over and over in my mind is something that was put very clearly today:

"Only what God initiates will be sustained and fulfilled."  -Bible Recap

It seems to me that I spend a lot of time and energy trying to get things initiated on my own.  But you know what?  The right people, the right experiences, they will happen for me, not because I forced them to.  There is something that I have been praying about for awhile, and although it doesn't look like it is going to happen the way I wanted it to... I am thankful for the experience, and how it has taught me to focus up.  Sometimes when we hear "wait" it isn't for a yes... sometimes when we hear "wait" it is for a no.  Even in the no we can learn so much... but if we are busy trying to control the storm, it is too loud to hear and focus on what we are supposed to be learning.

So I sit and wait through this storm.  I think I've heard no... and I'm okay with that.  It will still take time to process, and I will still probably have some doubts.  But when I sit, ponder, wait, and trust the storm seems beautifully destructive of all that wasn't meant for me.

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