I find myself wanting the answer to always be YES! Yes to anything and everything. That type of lifestyle doesn't work well because there is no way to always say yes. It is actually pretty impossible to do. I especially love to say yes to things when they are safe. When it is the safe job, the safe group of people, (you know the ones that are going to tell me what I want to hear), the safe feeling. I love to say yes when I am in control, and when it means everything going the way I want it to go.
No is a hard word for me. I put a lot of weight in how other people feel. It is actually one of the things I say in a job interview for something that I need to work on. I feel things deeply. I analyze people's reactions, and I don't let go when I should. No is hard for me because it seems personal, even when it isn't. I hate disappointing people, I hate letting people down. I want to please, for the world to be a peaceful place, and for everything to have the Yes answer.
Sometimes the answer has to be no. It isn't the right fit, or right time. Sometimes the answer is no because it is something that I shouldn't engage in. Sometimes the answer is no because I need to take a risk.
Something happened this week, and I had to give a no answer. It was such a wrestling match in my heart and soul. I cried, I prayed, and I came to terms with the fact that my heart just wasn't in it at this moment. The reason I stressed out so much was because it felt like if I said no I was going to be disappointing people. It felt like if I said no then I was making a definite decision that was going to impact some major things in the near future.
Yet, I said no. I said no because I am in a great place in life. I am single, available, and ready for big things. My life isn't limited anymore by the hopes of this or that. I know my worth, I know what I want from life, and that means saying no sometimes. That means saying no despite the risks. It means saying no in the midst of uncertainty. It means staying true to myself. I am so thankful that sometimes God makes it a No.