Monday, August 17, 2015

Walking Through Spider Webs

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile, but just have not sat down to do it.  I feel like there is so much on my mind, especially tonight that I just need to write. 

This summer I spent my summer in Rocky Mount.  I was the program director at a special needs camp, and it changed my life in so many ways.  I went thinking that it was going to be a nice way to step outside of my comfort zone, and earn some extra money in my time off of teaching.  What I didn't know was that I was going to be stretched beyond anything that I have ever known before. 

This summer was so draining.  It was so tough.  I went in wanting to give 110% because I wanted to be the best program director the camp has ever had.  What I found out is that you can give 110% and still not live up to people's expectations. 

A few days after camp was finished for me I went on a camping trip.  I needed time to think about and process all that I had went through during my 9 weeks at a special needs camp.  I probably chose to go on this quest on one of the hottest days of the summer. 

Just the heat, a fire, my little backpacking tent, and my journal.  I spent so much time just thinking and pondering, but it wasn't until I went on a couple of hikes that I really understood the impact that my summer had on my perspective of life. 

As I walked down this trail I found myself constantly bombarded with spider webs.  I literally walked through a spider web every 2 seconds it felt reality it was probably every 5 minutes or so.  As the spider webs hit me in the face and I tried to get them off I had this very real sense that this was a parallel to my own life.  The trail was my summer adventure.  The spider webs were the obstacles that I continued to face during the summer.  Stepping into the webs, was like every time I was given another task, or an unkind word.  They hung on me, annoying me.  I tried so hard to be free of them, but the webs or words just kept hanging on.  As I walked that trail, listening to nature...seeing the flowers I realized that I had given up my power.  I had given up some of myself.  I had lost track of the beauty that is camp, and only focused on the problems and words that were only meant to cause harm not good. 

Towards the end of the trail I realized that my summer didn't need to be defined by those negative thoughts/people.  My summer was what I wanted it to be.  I got to step outside of my comfort zone, and realize people with differences they are so amazing.  They love without expecting anything back in return.  They are joyful even when their life isn't perfect.  They give till there's nothing left to give. 

I choose to let the good memories stay.  I choose to remember the campers/staff that changed my life.  The ones that were there for me through everything.  I choose to allow my life to be changed.

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