Being a part of the A to Z challenge helped me realize that I need this outlet. I need to be able to create writing that speaks to who I am and what I am going through right now at this point in my life.
In just a couple of weeks I will have finished my first year back in the states, and my first year ever to teach in the State of Missouri....in my hometown. I have had other jobs here in this grand ole state, but not teaching.
This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Last week about this time I was feeling pretty deflated. A feeling that I have had much of the year. There has just been so much hurt and pain from this year. It is nothing that I can't handle, but it has truly rocked my world and made me reconsider a lot of choices.
I am committed though, to at least one more year. I am committed to creating a science program that I can be proud of. I am committed to whatever number of students I have next year and whatever that looks like for the future.
In order to make this decision I had to wrestle with a lot of feelings. I had to break through the pain, anger, and darkness that was somehow covering me. I had to look up and see that just above me was this amazingly beautiful blue sky. I had to look up.
I am choosing to come back to a job that was full of pain this year. I am choosing to take the high road even though I have been flipped off, cussed at, gossiped about, and judged. I am choosing these things because I know that I need to be here. I know that I need to give this place and these people one more chance. I know that I need to let LOVE be redeemed.
I don't continue this journey without knowing that the road ahead is going to be tough. There are going to be days that I want to give up. There are going to be days that I will allow the doubt to creep in, but there are also going to be days when the clouds are peeking through the sky. There are going to be days when I look down and see the flowers, and know that the path that is before me will lead to greater things.
I know that I am in this city, for this time. I know that I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few weeks, months, or years, but I know that my journey is this. My journey might be messy, might be weird, might be random....but it will be so good.