Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Writing....once a week for myself

Being a part of the A to Z challenge helped me realize that I need this outlet.  I need to be able to create writing that speaks to who I am and what I am going through right now at this point in my life.

In just a couple of weeks I will have finished my first year back in the states, and my first year ever to teach in the State of Missouri....in my hometown.  I have had other jobs here in this grand ole state, but not teaching.

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  Last week about this time I was feeling pretty deflated.  A feeling that I have had much of the year.  There has just been so much hurt and pain from this year.  It is nothing that I can't handle, but it has truly rocked my world and made me reconsider a lot of choices.

I am committed though, to at least one more year.  I am committed to creating a science program that I can be proud of.  I am committed to whatever number of students I have next year and whatever that looks like for the future.

In order to make this decision I had to wrestle with a lot of feelings.  I had to break through the pain, anger, and darkness that was somehow covering me.  I had to look up and see that just above me was this amazingly beautiful blue sky.  I had to look up.

I am choosing to come back to a job that was full of pain this year.  I am choosing to take the high road even though I have been flipped off, cussed at, gossiped about, and judged.  I am choosing these things because I know that I need to be here.  I know that I need to give this place and these people one more chance.  I know that I need to let LOVE be redeemed.

I don't continue this journey without knowing that the road ahead is going to be tough.  There are going to be days that I want to give up.  There are going to be days that I will allow the doubt to creep in, but there are also going to be days when the clouds are peeking through the sky.  There are going to be days when I look down and see the flowers, and know that the path that is before me will lead to greater things.

I know that I am in this city, for this time.  I know that I have no idea what is going to happen in the next few weeks, months, or years, but I know that my journey is this.  My journey might be messy, might be weird, might be random....but it will be so good.  


Ann Bennett said...

When I first taught school, all I could think about at the end of each year was how I might want to find another job. It is a a difficult job but it does get easier. I had the worst children in the beginning and I actually became a good teacher to those children the later part of my career..
However, if it does continue to be too rough, do consider looking for a teaching job where it is not so hard. I have been in your shoes and it is not good to be constantly be torn down.
I'll be keeping up with you this year.

MS said...

Choose to dwell on the positive. God is using you. You are an awesome teacher!


"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12