Do you ever wonder if you are living the life you are supposed to? Do you ever wonder if you are just going through the motions, day in and day out without real acknowledgement of what is actually driving you? Do you ever wish that you could just be all that you were meant to be???
I had a conversation the other day with someone, and I was given information that made me so sad. The information was that the church where I grew up.... some people there would rather split apart and make the "young" people go somewhere else, than to try to come together as a community of believers and compromise. It makes my heart hurt, because do you know what happens to a church if you force all of the "young" people to leave? IT DIES! There will be no church. You may not agree with everything those so called "young" people are doing or saying, but you know what? God probably does!
The thing is we get so caught up in being right that we forget to be human. We forget to love each other, listen to each other, and be thankful for those in our lives. How in the world do you ever expect anyone to want to get to know Jesus if you are pushing everyone away with your judgement and ridicule?
They won't. I guarantee you they won't. It is time to stop looking at drinking, sex, homosexuality, and drugs as the worse stuff you can do. Honestly I think it is far worse to think you are so righteous that you don't need to love others. So righteous that you look down on those around you because they aren't living lives that you think they should live. So righteous that you can't even step outside of your box, and give a meal or a kind word to someone that is living a life completely different from your own? How is that even close to being like Jesus?
We aren't called to be more righteous than our neighbor. We aren't called to sit in our little houses watching TV, reading our books, and waiting for someone to come knocking at our door so we can tell them exactly what to believe and why. We aren't called to place ourselves in only Christian communities where everyone thinks, dresses, and acts exactly how we do. That's not what we are called to.
We are called to worship, to love, to be people that put others before ourselves. We are called to make a difference. How can we make a difference if we aren't willing to hold conversations, to change the way we think, to meet a friend that is so different from us? It doesn't mean that I have to agree with everyone I call friend. But isn't it going to be easier to have tough conversations with those that I make connections with, than those that I turn away and condemn?
My job is to risk everything to be kind, compassionate, and loving. It makes me so angry when people that I know and love are anything but that. When they are so focused on the rules, or being right that they forget that there is such a thing as grace.
We can't divide ourselves by age, by sex, by political party. If we do that, then there are going to be a lot of empty families, and churches.
We have to stop putting people in boxes based on what we THINK they believe or because they align themselves with one party or another. Did you know that it is possible to think that Gandhi had some amazing words to give us without following every single thing that he said? Did you know that I can agree and disagree with my Uncle who is super conservative without us getting into fights? Did you know that someone can have a completely different political party alignment than I do, and I don't have to think they are a complete idiot? It's all so true! We have become so box based that we forget there is more than one way to get up the same mountain.
There has to be grace, love and compassion. There has to be open-mindedness. There has to be a time when you tear down the walls that you have built up, and let God move you and change you. There has to be a time when you truly start seeing people, ALL people as created beings. As people that love, and need to belong.
Don't push people away just because you don't agree with them, or you don't want to do things the way they are doing them. If you push them away, you just might be pushing away your chance to love them like Jesus.
This was the message I took away this past weekend. A message that was so real to me, as I am on the cusp of some pretty awesome changes. But it was also a message that led me to once again wonder if I am doing what I should be. I wonder if I am being called for something more....
What am I being called to let go of and risk? My thoughts for today...
Monday, March 6, 2017
True/False 2017
I can't believe another year of True/False is over! It makes me sad
how quickly time seems to be going. True/False is the best weekend in
Columbia. Just walking around downtown during this time, meeting
people, seeing smiling faces. It is truly an awesome experience. I
love it. I love the community that is True/False. I love volunteering,
and having conversations with people that I otherwise would never have
met. That I never would have been able to get to know, and
understand. Community is about loving others, looking outside
ourselves, and questioning the things that we believe are true. Not
questioning them in a doubt kind of way, but in a why do I believe this
kind of way, and how can my belief impact the way I deal with others.
I ALWAYS love the T/F films. ALWAYS. There are always ways that the films themselves, and the conversations I have impact me.
This year I spent more time focusing on volunteering, than I did on seeing every film I possibly could. It was a time when I realized that being a part of something like this film fest is exactly what I love about my life, Columbia, and impacting my community for good.
Here's some of my film highlights:
Miss Kiet's Children- This film followed a teacher in the Netherlands. She taught refugee children from Syria. I loved this story so much. It is my top film for the weekend. It tugged at my heartstrings to go back overseas again, and do something crazy! If only I didn't need to get paid...I would go in a second. If you have the chance to see this film, watch it! It's a very beautiful story.
Quest- The True Life Fund film! I LOVED this film. I loved the story of this family. They truly are a family to look to for community and love. I am amazed by the amount of time this film took, and the perseverance that the film maker had. What a great way to tell their story! If you are wanting to see life from another person's perspective, or maybe even get encouragement yourself...this is the film to see.
Dina- One of the first films that I have laughed and cried. This film was about an autistic couple who meet, fall in love, and get married. It is a brilliant story. I think that sometimes we forget to look at the uniqueness of relationships and love. I loved Dina! I loved everything about this couple. They are so real with each other. What a beautiful story of life.
I Am Not Your Negro- I can't put into words how much I loved this film. Not in a make me feel good way. I loved this film in a make me think, and examine life kind of way. This film broke me, it made me mad, and it led me to a deeper understanding of how much we need to change in this world. I think every single person in our country, and even those not in our country need to go see this film. It is a film that is going to make people mad. It is a film that is going to spark great conversations if we let it. This film has the potential to change the world.
STEP- This film gets my #5 in the top five for this year. It is a brilliant film. It shows adversity, hard times, but it also shows what you can do through those hard times. I loved watching the young ladies in this film reach their goals, even through disappointment. I loved seeing them persevere even when they couldn't see the light. What an impact these ladies are going to make in our world!
Other films I got to see this weekend....
Railway Sleepers- I liked seeing all the different people. I connected with it because of Thailand, but it was too long for me.
SS Xenon- Good film! That's all I can say about that!
SS Argon- Thought-provoking film!
Stranger in Paradise- I liked how this film showed the European side to the influx of refugees. It still tugged at my heart, and parts of it made me angry. It also opened my eyes to some things I hadn't thought of before in terms of refugees.
Whose Streets- This was a well done film, and definitely gave me more to think about in terms of Ferguson, and all that took place in Mike Brown's death.
Recreations- This film was interesting. I am glad that it was only 45 minutes, but the teacher in me basically cringed through the whole thing. I couldn't stay for the Q & A, but I wish I would have been able to!
Films I would like to see.....let's hope they come to Ragtag....
The Force
Manifesto
The Graduation
The Road Movie
Donkeyote
Abacus: Small Enough to Jail
Casting JonBenet
Brimstone & Glory
The Cage Fighter
True/False is more than just a film festival. It is a community event. It takes 900+ volunteers to pull off this festival. To me that is something worth being a part of. I am so thankful to see the same people every year. I am so thankful that this is a place that I have been able to make a part of my community, and story. We meet people everyday, it is up to us if we let them impact us in mighty ways!
I ALWAYS love the T/F films. ALWAYS. There are always ways that the films themselves, and the conversations I have impact me.
This year I spent more time focusing on volunteering, than I did on seeing every film I possibly could. It was a time when I realized that being a part of something like this film fest is exactly what I love about my life, Columbia, and impacting my community for good.
Here's some of my film highlights:
Miss Kiet's Children- This film followed a teacher in the Netherlands. She taught refugee children from Syria. I loved this story so much. It is my top film for the weekend. It tugged at my heartstrings to go back overseas again, and do something crazy! If only I didn't need to get paid...I would go in a second. If you have the chance to see this film, watch it! It's a very beautiful story.
Quest- The True Life Fund film! I LOVED this film. I loved the story of this family. They truly are a family to look to for community and love. I am amazed by the amount of time this film took, and the perseverance that the film maker had. What a great way to tell their story! If you are wanting to see life from another person's perspective, or maybe even get encouragement yourself...this is the film to see.
Dina- One of the first films that I have laughed and cried. This film was about an autistic couple who meet, fall in love, and get married. It is a brilliant story. I think that sometimes we forget to look at the uniqueness of relationships and love. I loved Dina! I loved everything about this couple. They are so real with each other. What a beautiful story of life.
I Am Not Your Negro- I can't put into words how much I loved this film. Not in a make me feel good way. I loved this film in a make me think, and examine life kind of way. This film broke me, it made me mad, and it led me to a deeper understanding of how much we need to change in this world. I think every single person in our country, and even those not in our country need to go see this film. It is a film that is going to make people mad. It is a film that is going to spark great conversations if we let it. This film has the potential to change the world.
STEP- This film gets my #5 in the top five for this year. It is a brilliant film. It shows adversity, hard times, but it also shows what you can do through those hard times. I loved watching the young ladies in this film reach their goals, even through disappointment. I loved seeing them persevere even when they couldn't see the light. What an impact these ladies are going to make in our world!
Other films I got to see this weekend....
Railway Sleepers- I liked seeing all the different people. I connected with it because of Thailand, but it was too long for me.
SS Xenon- Good film! That's all I can say about that!
SS Argon- Thought-provoking film!
Stranger in Paradise- I liked how this film showed the European side to the influx of refugees. It still tugged at my heart, and parts of it made me angry. It also opened my eyes to some things I hadn't thought of before in terms of refugees.
Whose Streets- This was a well done film, and definitely gave me more to think about in terms of Ferguson, and all that took place in Mike Brown's death.
Recreations- This film was interesting. I am glad that it was only 45 minutes, but the teacher in me basically cringed through the whole thing. I couldn't stay for the Q & A, but I wish I would have been able to!
Films I would like to see.....let's hope they come to Ragtag....
The Force
Manifesto
The Graduation
The Road Movie
Donkeyote
Abacus: Small Enough to Jail
Casting JonBenet
Brimstone & Glory
The Cage Fighter
True/False is more than just a film festival. It is a community event. It takes 900+ volunteers to pull off this festival. To me that is something worth being a part of. I am so thankful to see the same people every year. I am so thankful that this is a place that I have been able to make a part of my community, and story. We meet people everyday, it is up to us if we let them impact us in mighty ways!
Thursday, February 23, 2017
When the Answer is No
I find myself wanting the answer to always be YES! Yes to anything and everything. That type of lifestyle doesn't work well because there is no way to always say yes. It is actually pretty impossible to do. I especially love to say yes to things when they are safe. When it is the safe job, the safe group of people, (you know the ones that are going to tell me what I want to hear), the safe feeling. I love to say yes when I am in control, and when it means everything going the way I want it to go.
No is a hard word for me. I put a lot of weight in how other people feel. It is actually one of the things I say in a job interview for something that I need to work on. I feel things deeply. I analyze people's reactions, and I don't let go when I should. No is hard for me because it seems personal, even when it isn't. I hate disappointing people, I hate letting people down. I want to please, for the world to be a peaceful place, and for everything to have the Yes answer.
Sometimes the answer has to be no. It isn't the right fit, or right time. Sometimes the answer is no because it is something that I shouldn't engage in. Sometimes the answer is no because I need to take a risk.
Something happened this week, and I had to give a no answer. It was such a wrestling match in my heart and soul. I cried, I prayed, and I came to terms with the fact that my heart just wasn't in it at this moment. The reason I stressed out so much was because it felt like if I said no I was going to be disappointing people. It felt like if I said no then I was making a definite decision that was going to impact some major things in the near future.
Yet, I said no. I said no because I am in a great place in life. I am single, available, and ready for big things. My life isn't limited anymore by the hopes of this or that. I know my worth, I know what I want from life, and that means saying no sometimes. That means saying no despite the risks. It means saying no in the midst of uncertainty. It means staying true to myself. I am so thankful that sometimes God makes it a No.
No is a hard word for me. I put a lot of weight in how other people feel. It is actually one of the things I say in a job interview for something that I need to work on. I feel things deeply. I analyze people's reactions, and I don't let go when I should. No is hard for me because it seems personal, even when it isn't. I hate disappointing people, I hate letting people down. I want to please, for the world to be a peaceful place, and for everything to have the Yes answer.
Sometimes the answer has to be no. It isn't the right fit, or right time. Sometimes the answer is no because it is something that I shouldn't engage in. Sometimes the answer is no because I need to take a risk.
Something happened this week, and I had to give a no answer. It was such a wrestling match in my heart and soul. I cried, I prayed, and I came to terms with the fact that my heart just wasn't in it at this moment. The reason I stressed out so much was because it felt like if I said no I was going to be disappointing people. It felt like if I said no then I was making a definite decision that was going to impact some major things in the near future.
Yet, I said no. I said no because I am in a great place in life. I am single, available, and ready for big things. My life isn't limited anymore by the hopes of this or that. I know my worth, I know what I want from life, and that means saying no sometimes. That means saying no despite the risks. It means saying no in the midst of uncertainty. It means staying true to myself. I am so thankful that sometimes God makes it a No.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Lent 2017
I can't believe that Lent is here, so soon! I feel like it was just Christmas, and now here we are at the peak of the Easter season! Next week marks the beginning of Lent. I find myself loving this season, mostly because it is a time for me to stop and reflect. A time for me to stop, breathe, pray, think, and change some habits in my life. A time for me to recommit myself to the closeness I long to feel with God. A time to give up something that takes a lot more of my time, then it should.
So, as I ponder and think about what takes the most of my time..... I decided to not watch Netflix, and Hulu during Lent! Even the thought of it makes me cringe a little. So, it looks like I will get a lot more reading in, and watching of documentaries.... films that will help me think and ponder more of life.
Here's to this coming up season of meditation, prayer, and greater focus on things above.
So, as I ponder and think about what takes the most of my time..... I decided to not watch Netflix, and Hulu during Lent! Even the thought of it makes me cringe a little. So, it looks like I will get a lot more reading in, and watching of documentaries.... films that will help me think and ponder more of life.
Here's to this coming up season of meditation, prayer, and greater focus on things above.
When Pain Makes us Stronger
This world is so broken. Every corner I turn to, everywhere I look I find myself bombarded with brokenness. In my own life too. I find myself constantly in a state of grieving for a world where people build each other up, instead of tearing down. I find myself wishing that I could see everyone the way Jesus does. I find myself longing for a place where we all agree, where guns aren't necessary, where fighting ceases to exist, and where I never have to worry about others judging me or accepting me.
That's not this world though, I have to wait. How do I live while I wait? Facing pain on a daily basis. Uncertain of the future sometimes, of where I am going.... or what diseases the future may hold. Tragedy strikes us at a moment's notice. How do I stop from just letting it overwhelm me?
In these last few weeks, I have heard a lot about sin, and justice. I have experienced a pain in my heart for things that I had stopped longing for. I have come to understand how pain has made me stronger. I have come to understand the purpose behind some people not being in my life anymore, or not being directly in my day to day.
Sometimes I put such a hold on people. I place them on a pedestal. I long for their approval more than God's. I see them in this light of grace and mercy that isn't for me to view them in. I try to keep them in my life at all costs. I allow others to be my god. I forget that I don't measure up on a daily basis, and that's okay. I forget to allow myself the grace that I give to others.
The truth is that there are people that aren't meant to be in our lives. There are experiences, and activities that we aren't meant to engage in. It is those people and activities that push us farther from God, instead of closer to Him that we need to let go of. Do you ever find yourself trapped in a routine, allowing those people/activities to voice your worth, to be in charge of the choices you make?
When we have to let go, it hurts. It hurts so much. Because we have invested time, energy, and love into those people/activities. We have sacrificed to make their lives better. We have connected with them, and gotten to know them. Yet, despite all of that....there has been pain. Pain that comes with rejection, pain that comes with disagreements, pain that comes because our choices didn't mesh well with others. So much pain.
In the pain though, isn't that when we understand more about the love? Isn't that when we have nothing to do, but kneel before our Creator and understand how this pain causes us to be absent from Him? How pain grows us, and changes us. How pain allows us to understand what we have been saved from.
For me pain no longer seems a threat. It no longer seems like something I want to escape from, because I can see through the pain. I can cope with the pain, because my focus is on something far greater than pain. My focus is above. My focus is on what I am here to do in this life. It's not about being the prettiest, the smartest, the most liked. It has everything to do with knowing God the most, and allowing that knowledge to overflow out of me into others.
I don't think that I have gotten this the past few years. I have been sidetracked into just being who everyone wanted me to be. I have given in to the pain way too much, and allowed it to change me in ways that I am not proud of. So, today I think and ponder how I am going to be different, embracing the pain. Understanding that it is not an eternal pain, and healing in truth and love.
Today I put aside the expectations that the past few years have created in me. I think and ponder new expectations, and live a life that is committed to being more in love with God everyday. When that's my focus...everything else seems to fall in place, and pain doesn't seem so destructive.
That's not this world though, I have to wait. How do I live while I wait? Facing pain on a daily basis. Uncertain of the future sometimes, of where I am going.... or what diseases the future may hold. Tragedy strikes us at a moment's notice. How do I stop from just letting it overwhelm me?
In these last few weeks, I have heard a lot about sin, and justice. I have experienced a pain in my heart for things that I had stopped longing for. I have come to understand how pain has made me stronger. I have come to understand the purpose behind some people not being in my life anymore, or not being directly in my day to day.
Sometimes I put such a hold on people. I place them on a pedestal. I long for their approval more than God's. I see them in this light of grace and mercy that isn't for me to view them in. I try to keep them in my life at all costs. I allow others to be my god. I forget that I don't measure up on a daily basis, and that's okay. I forget to allow myself the grace that I give to others.
The truth is that there are people that aren't meant to be in our lives. There are experiences, and activities that we aren't meant to engage in. It is those people and activities that push us farther from God, instead of closer to Him that we need to let go of. Do you ever find yourself trapped in a routine, allowing those people/activities to voice your worth, to be in charge of the choices you make?
When we have to let go, it hurts. It hurts so much. Because we have invested time, energy, and love into those people/activities. We have sacrificed to make their lives better. We have connected with them, and gotten to know them. Yet, despite all of that....there has been pain. Pain that comes with rejection, pain that comes with disagreements, pain that comes because our choices didn't mesh well with others. So much pain.
In the pain though, isn't that when we understand more about the love? Isn't that when we have nothing to do, but kneel before our Creator and understand how this pain causes us to be absent from Him? How pain grows us, and changes us. How pain allows us to understand what we have been saved from.
For me pain no longer seems a threat. It no longer seems like something I want to escape from, because I can see through the pain. I can cope with the pain, because my focus is on something far greater than pain. My focus is above. My focus is on what I am here to do in this life. It's not about being the prettiest, the smartest, the most liked. It has everything to do with knowing God the most, and allowing that knowledge to overflow out of me into others.
I don't think that I have gotten this the past few years. I have been sidetracked into just being who everyone wanted me to be. I have given in to the pain way too much, and allowed it to change me in ways that I am not proud of. So, today I think and ponder how I am going to be different, embracing the pain. Understanding that it is not an eternal pain, and healing in truth and love.
Today I put aside the expectations that the past few years have created in me. I think and ponder new expectations, and live a life that is committed to being more in love with God everyday. When that's my focus...everything else seems to fall in place, and pain doesn't seem so destructive.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
When It's Time to Move....
The past few months have been a whirlwind of emotions. Trying to wrap my mind around all that was happening. The ups and downs, the insecure moments of regret, and the hopeful moments of surrender. In the quiet moments I have felt a move in my heart, a tug to go forward and take risks. That's what this year was supposed to be about...taking risks. When I declared this to be the year of risks I had no idea what that would exactly mean. I had no idea that a little over a month into this year I would be in the midst of some major life decisions, that involve a lot of risk.
How do you make life decisions? For me I ponder it, pray about it, listen to the advice of others... but ultimately I go with my gut instinct...what makes me truly happy! And what does make me happy?
It makes me happy to know that I am valued, loved, respected, and needed. Have you ever left a place, or a group of people and wondered if you really mattered? I have, a lot lately it seems. Sometimes I find myself in the midst of people that only wish I was a different person. That only want me around when it is convenient for them, or when they feel in a certain mood. I don't like doing life half-heartedly. I don't like it at all, and I refuse to, actually. So, there comes a time when you have to examine if you are on the right path. You have to look at your happiness, at your role, and the people that surround you and ask yourself if you are living the life that you are supposed to?
There's not always going to be a clear answer. Sometimes it is foggy, and tough to see the mountain that is just over the next hill. But it is there. The mountain is there, the mountain that you must climb to get to the top, majestic, beautiful view that is waiting. The view that will allow you to understand the journey, all the sweat and tears. All the heartache and pain. The view that will allow you to see the very breath of God.
Sometimes it isn't even about the people, sometimes it is about your view of the people. Or your view of what you think you know of the people. We all play a different role in life, among friends. We all play a different role everywhere we go. We try our best to be authentic, we try our very best to be the best version of ourselves, but we don't always win. We don't always understand. But we always know when it is time to move.... We always know....
Moving on isn't a bad thing. In fact I think sometimes we stay too long because we hate to risk. We are afraid of letting God be in control of the future. We like our lives just the way they are safe, and sheltered. Afraid of the pain and unkind things that are out there. We get scared because moving on requires a loss of the things we have known. It requires faith that things are going to work out better than they have been, and it requires healing. Healing from pain, healing from brokenness, and healing from growth. Sometimes I think we would rather stay bruised and battered, than heal. Healing means that we admit the pain, and let it go. Isn't it sometimes hard to let pain go? As humans don't we like to wallow? I know I do. Sometimes I get so stuck wallowing that I forget in order to heal those bruises I have stop wallowing, and move forward.
I also think that sometimes I convince myself that I can't move on. I convince myself that I just have to keep pushing through, allowing others to break me, to put me down, to see me in the worst possible light. Is that what life is about? I don't really think so. I don't think we are called to live life in one place forever. Maybe some people are, maybe there are those that are supposed to settle down, build a life, and never leave that life. I don't think I got those genes. Instead I think that I have been given the gift of travel, and unique community. A gift that is unique to my life, and allows me the desire to move on. The desire to take what I have learned both good and bad, and walk in it. Lead with it, let it move me to compassion. Let it break my heart for those that claim to believe one way, but don't choose to walk in it. A gift that lets me see people as people, not terrorists, unwanted aliens, or crime-focused thugs. That is my gift, that is why I choose to process to move on.
I have so much to give, and I am not going to allow anyone to take that from me. I am not going to allow the bad to outweigh the good, or make myself feel unworthy of love. I refuse to just be another teacher, friend, daughter. I choose to change the world. I choose to use my gifts. I choose to live as a daughter of a King. I choose to love without borders. I choose to move on, and give all that I have to be the best that I can. That's my goal, and that is my reason behind moving....
How do you make life decisions? For me I ponder it, pray about it, listen to the advice of others... but ultimately I go with my gut instinct...what makes me truly happy! And what does make me happy?
It makes me happy to know that I am valued, loved, respected, and needed. Have you ever left a place, or a group of people and wondered if you really mattered? I have, a lot lately it seems. Sometimes I find myself in the midst of people that only wish I was a different person. That only want me around when it is convenient for them, or when they feel in a certain mood. I don't like doing life half-heartedly. I don't like it at all, and I refuse to, actually. So, there comes a time when you have to examine if you are on the right path. You have to look at your happiness, at your role, and the people that surround you and ask yourself if you are living the life that you are supposed to?
There's not always going to be a clear answer. Sometimes it is foggy, and tough to see the mountain that is just over the next hill. But it is there. The mountain is there, the mountain that you must climb to get to the top, majestic, beautiful view that is waiting. The view that will allow you to understand the journey, all the sweat and tears. All the heartache and pain. The view that will allow you to see the very breath of God.
Sometimes it isn't even about the people, sometimes it is about your view of the people. Or your view of what you think you know of the people. We all play a different role in life, among friends. We all play a different role everywhere we go. We try our best to be authentic, we try our very best to be the best version of ourselves, but we don't always win. We don't always understand. But we always know when it is time to move.... We always know....
Moving on isn't a bad thing. In fact I think sometimes we stay too long because we hate to risk. We are afraid of letting God be in control of the future. We like our lives just the way they are safe, and sheltered. Afraid of the pain and unkind things that are out there. We get scared because moving on requires a loss of the things we have known. It requires faith that things are going to work out better than they have been, and it requires healing. Healing from pain, healing from brokenness, and healing from growth. Sometimes I think we would rather stay bruised and battered, than heal. Healing means that we admit the pain, and let it go. Isn't it sometimes hard to let pain go? As humans don't we like to wallow? I know I do. Sometimes I get so stuck wallowing that I forget in order to heal those bruises I have stop wallowing, and move forward.
I also think that sometimes I convince myself that I can't move on. I convince myself that I just have to keep pushing through, allowing others to break me, to put me down, to see me in the worst possible light. Is that what life is about? I don't really think so. I don't think we are called to live life in one place forever. Maybe some people are, maybe there are those that are supposed to settle down, build a life, and never leave that life. I don't think I got those genes. Instead I think that I have been given the gift of travel, and unique community. A gift that is unique to my life, and allows me the desire to move on. The desire to take what I have learned both good and bad, and walk in it. Lead with it, let it move me to compassion. Let it break my heart for those that claim to believe one way, but don't choose to walk in it. A gift that lets me see people as people, not terrorists, unwanted aliens, or crime-focused thugs. That is my gift, that is why I choose to process to move on.
I have so much to give, and I am not going to allow anyone to take that from me. I am not going to allow the bad to outweigh the good, or make myself feel unworthy of love. I refuse to just be another teacher, friend, daughter. I choose to change the world. I choose to use my gifts. I choose to live as a daughter of a King. I choose to love without borders. I choose to move on, and give all that I have to be the best that I can. That's my goal, and that is my reason behind moving....
Monday, January 30, 2017
The Heart of God....
Whew! Does anyone else feel like their brain is going to explode with all the controversial craziness that is happening in the world these days, specifically America? Yesterday was supposed to be a no social media day for me, then I had some things come up that I felt like it was necessary for me to be on it, and stay informed. Then today, I had thought that I would disengage because technically I am supposed to be staying off of it once a month, and I have yet to do that for the month of January. There's only one day left! So....maybe tomorrow? Or maybe I just try to check it less, and not engage in the debates, or the craziness that is everyone's opinions.
I have a lot on my mind today. Most of which causes me to ponder what is truth and what is false. Do you ever find yourself thinking that nothing you read is truth? Because you feel like everything has gotten so mixed up, that there couldn't possibly be any way that the truth is actually real?
It makes my head hurt. Like for real hurt!
How do we decide what to believe? How do we decide what is truth? How do we stand up for what we believe is truth without judging those that don't see things the way we do?
In this world we face many things. The truth is that this world is broken. It is so broken. I find myself on a daily basis fighting against the brokenness. I want it to be fixed so badly. I want the hurt, pain, sadness, sickness, disaster to stop. I want there to be peace. I want my facebook feed to be filled once again with food pics, selfies, and people lying on beaches. I want to be able to open up a page without seeing all the name-calling, degrading comments, and rudeness.
That's not what the world is though, because it is broken.
So, do I ignore it? Do I just live my perfect American dream life, not caring because it doesn't really affect me? Or do I do something?
The other day I wanted to scream, and cry. I wanted to lash out at everyone that couldn't see things the way I did. I wanted to really just say some things that I knew would go no where, but they sure would make me feel a lot better!
Here's the deal, 10 years ago I probably would have considered myself Conservative. In fact I would have considered myself really conservative. I grew up Southern Baptist, I went to a Southern Baptist college, I worked with people that were like-minded. Then I moved overseas for the second time in my life, and was met with people that didn't necessarily hold to the same conservative values I had lived by. I encountered Jesus in a way that I had never really encountered Him before, and I was forced to decide what I believed to be true about people from other places.
I met refugees that were alone, held captive, and struggling to find meaning to life. I walked down the streets where brothels lined every inch of the sidewalk. I met women, and men that literally had lost hope in everything. And my view changed.
I became less concerned about checking every box, and more concerned about hearing people's stories. I became less concerned about condemning people to hell because of their lack of beliefs, and more concerned with them knowing that they were loved and valued. I became less concerned about everyone living by my standards, and more concerned with understanding the standards that they acknowledged. I became less concerned with being the "American" in the room, and more concerned with diving in head first to anything cultural I could.
My life to me isn't about being an American. It has gotten me into some pretty amazing places, where I have had the chance to meet and experience some pretty cool things. I am privileged to have been born in America. I know that. All it takes is visiting any third world country, and you realize just how blessed you are. I don't hold to the notion that America needs to be the best, because as far as I can see it was not set apart as God's special people. As far as I can see, Americans are not and will never be superior to any other nation.
I think that is where I am going to differ from a lot of people. Yesterday I was chatting with a friend, and she said, I am a Christian first, and an American second. So here's the thing...I don't even know if I could say American second. I would almost consider myself a Refugee second, because this world is not my home. I am here because God has placed me here. I am here because I have been given the opportunity to be here. I don't deserve it more than anyone else. I didn't do anything to get the privilege of being born in America. I just got it. How is it that I should think my life is more valuable than anyone else's?
Before I go too far...
The real reason behind this post. I have been really heartbroken lately by the posts I am seeing from people that I have respected and known for a long time. People that aren't putting others first, people that aren't acknowledging that Syrian Refugees deserve our love and care. Or that our Muslim neighbors that live down the street from us are scared. They are scared! They did nothing but be Muslim. Is that grounds for them having to fear? It doesn't even matter if you agree or not...the truth is they are scared, and friends that should be enough to warrant an honest, loving discussion with each of them.
So today, I prayed. I prayed for myself and others. I prayed that I would have the heart of God. I prayed that I would be able to see with His eyes, hear with His ears, and touch with His hands. I prayed that I would understand what matters to Him. I prayed that I would understand and learn how God's heart is responding to what is going on in my country and the world right now. I prayed that I would see EVERYONE the way He does.
When I go to God for those answers, and allow Him to really open my heart I believe that I will understand, and love more.
I am not going to ever claim to be completely Republican or Democrat because I don't think that either of those parties is completely in the will of God! (shocker, I know!)
I am though, going to be on His side. God's side. I am going to support life, support people. I am going to support freedom to choose religion, schools, lifestyles. I am going to let the world live by their standards, not my own. I have to account for my actions only. One day when I am asked I don't want to have to say no to the question.... "When I was hungry, did you feed me, when I was naked, did you clothe me?" I don't want to have to say no. I want to be able to say yes, every time.
So today, I choose the Heart of God.
I have a lot on my mind today. Most of which causes me to ponder what is truth and what is false. Do you ever find yourself thinking that nothing you read is truth? Because you feel like everything has gotten so mixed up, that there couldn't possibly be any way that the truth is actually real?
It makes my head hurt. Like for real hurt!
How do we decide what to believe? How do we decide what is truth? How do we stand up for what we believe is truth without judging those that don't see things the way we do?
In this world we face many things. The truth is that this world is broken. It is so broken. I find myself on a daily basis fighting against the brokenness. I want it to be fixed so badly. I want the hurt, pain, sadness, sickness, disaster to stop. I want there to be peace. I want my facebook feed to be filled once again with food pics, selfies, and people lying on beaches. I want to be able to open up a page without seeing all the name-calling, degrading comments, and rudeness.
That's not what the world is though, because it is broken.
So, do I ignore it? Do I just live my perfect American dream life, not caring because it doesn't really affect me? Or do I do something?
The other day I wanted to scream, and cry. I wanted to lash out at everyone that couldn't see things the way I did. I wanted to really just say some things that I knew would go no where, but they sure would make me feel a lot better!
Here's the deal, 10 years ago I probably would have considered myself Conservative. In fact I would have considered myself really conservative. I grew up Southern Baptist, I went to a Southern Baptist college, I worked with people that were like-minded. Then I moved overseas for the second time in my life, and was met with people that didn't necessarily hold to the same conservative values I had lived by. I encountered Jesus in a way that I had never really encountered Him before, and I was forced to decide what I believed to be true about people from other places.
I met refugees that were alone, held captive, and struggling to find meaning to life. I walked down the streets where brothels lined every inch of the sidewalk. I met women, and men that literally had lost hope in everything. And my view changed.
I became less concerned about checking every box, and more concerned about hearing people's stories. I became less concerned about condemning people to hell because of their lack of beliefs, and more concerned with them knowing that they were loved and valued. I became less concerned about everyone living by my standards, and more concerned with understanding the standards that they acknowledged. I became less concerned with being the "American" in the room, and more concerned with diving in head first to anything cultural I could.
My life to me isn't about being an American. It has gotten me into some pretty amazing places, where I have had the chance to meet and experience some pretty cool things. I am privileged to have been born in America. I know that. All it takes is visiting any third world country, and you realize just how blessed you are. I don't hold to the notion that America needs to be the best, because as far as I can see it was not set apart as God's special people. As far as I can see, Americans are not and will never be superior to any other nation.
I think that is where I am going to differ from a lot of people. Yesterday I was chatting with a friend, and she said, I am a Christian first, and an American second. So here's the thing...I don't even know if I could say American second. I would almost consider myself a Refugee second, because this world is not my home. I am here because God has placed me here. I am here because I have been given the opportunity to be here. I don't deserve it more than anyone else. I didn't do anything to get the privilege of being born in America. I just got it. How is it that I should think my life is more valuable than anyone else's?
Before I go too far...
The real reason behind this post. I have been really heartbroken lately by the posts I am seeing from people that I have respected and known for a long time. People that aren't putting others first, people that aren't acknowledging that Syrian Refugees deserve our love and care. Or that our Muslim neighbors that live down the street from us are scared. They are scared! They did nothing but be Muslim. Is that grounds for them having to fear? It doesn't even matter if you agree or not...the truth is they are scared, and friends that should be enough to warrant an honest, loving discussion with each of them.
So today, I prayed. I prayed for myself and others. I prayed that I would have the heart of God. I prayed that I would be able to see with His eyes, hear with His ears, and touch with His hands. I prayed that I would understand what matters to Him. I prayed that I would understand and learn how God's heart is responding to what is going on in my country and the world right now. I prayed that I would see EVERYONE the way He does.
When I go to God for those answers, and allow Him to really open my heart I believe that I will understand, and love more.
I am not going to ever claim to be completely Republican or Democrat because I don't think that either of those parties is completely in the will of God! (shocker, I know!)
I am though, going to be on His side. God's side. I am going to support life, support people. I am going to support freedom to choose religion, schools, lifestyles. I am going to let the world live by their standards, not my own. I have to account for my actions only. One day when I am asked I don't want to have to say no to the question.... "When I was hungry, did you feed me, when I was naked, did you clothe me?" I don't want to have to say no. I want to be able to say yes, every time.
So today, I choose the Heart of God.
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