I don't think if you would have asked me a couple months ago if I would be back on dating apps I would have said yes. I was pretty set against them, and I was also pretty resigned to the fact that I would never find anyone that wanted me long-term in their life. I don't even know that I knew that was the reason for going after men that I would never see myself with long-term... but the past few weeks have made me realize that I have sabotaged quite a few potentially good relationships because I thought I wasn't enough. Now don't get me wrong... I truly believe that I have been single this long for a reason. But I am not sure if it because of the person I am waiting on, or if it because of me. I know I am not perfect, but no one is. Also, I know that if two people love each other, no matter what obstacles there are... they can make it work. I just don't know that we should all be going around trying to make things work that we know for sure won't work... does that even make sense?
Also... let me just say this... dating is stupid. Dating apps are stupid, and they make me want to pull my freaking hair out! That's why I have been on a hiatus for awhile. Even now I wish that dating apps were more like find a friend first kind of app. But unfortunately we are not in that day and age, and also we are a instant society. We want to make friends instantly, we want to find our "soul mate" instantly, we want to know who we are meant to be with instantly. We don't want things to take time.
What I have learned in the past few months, is that everything good takes time. It has taken me awhile to be where I am ready to open up to someone. It has also taken me a long time to get to where I am okay with who I am, and honestly I still have my moments. But here's the thing.... I'm a kind, considerate, doing anything for you kind of woman. I might not be the most gorgeous woman in the room, but I'm not ugly. I'm working hard to get to where I want to be and honestly if that is what turns someone off, then I probably didn't want them long-term in my life anyways.
Our society idolizes marriage. We want to be able to just instantly meet that person, and let the magic take over. Unfortunately love doesn't work like it does in the hallmark movies. I hope and pray that person enters my life soon! But I also am okay if that person enters my life as a friend first. I would rather have a friendship at the base of any romantic relationship than something that can't withstand my worst days!
I want to be married. But at the end of the day, I want loyal friends more. I want people in my life that will be there for me, that I can be there for. I want people that will push me everyday to be better than I was the day before! I hope one of them will become my husband one day... but for now I am okay with the right people pushing me on to love more.