Determined 2021

 It's that time of the year!  I can't believe that it is 6 days in to the last month of 2020!  What a crazy year it has been.  My word for this year was Transformation.  I think that I did a good job of letting my life be transformed.  As much as any life could be in 2020.  But really I think this year made me stop and just be thankful for life.  For the laughs, for the moments in the past that I have been able to go out and actually do things.  Maybe it wasn't the transformation I was expecting, but I am a better person because of this year.  

In 25 days we will be celebrating the end of a year and the beginning of something new.  I had high hopes that this year would be the year that I would meet that man.  You know the one that would love me and sweep me away with all kinds of romantic gestures!  Just in case you wondered.... it didn't happen!  

But I think that in itself was part of my transformation.  I still want that.... but I'm also okay.  I'm okay making life the best it can be.  Whether that means eventually getting married or not. Being okay with singleness.... that in itself is a transformation.  

So, as I was pondering this next year.  I thought about what it is I truly want.  I turn 40 in August of 2021....  40!  It feels so much younger then it did when I was 20!  I want this year to be the year.  The year that I get out of debt.  The year that I weigh a healthier weight.  The year I write my book.  The year I find a job that I love, and can retire in.  

2021's word of the year is DETERMINED!  

I am determined to be the best I can.  Determined to lose weight, and start running.  Determined to hike as much as I can.  Be outside as much as I can.  Determined to finish the book that I have been on the cusp of writing for so long.  Determined to not let others decide my life for me.....  

So here's to a new year.... and a very determined me!  

My Identity...

 Last night I had a conversation with a friend.... a friend that I consider a good friend and it made me think about some things that I have had in the back of my mind for awhile.  Our country is so very divided.  People are name calling right and left.  If you don't adhere to a certain political party then you are basically the spawn of satan... and not worth their time or energy.  

I have spent a total of 6 years living overseas.  I have visited a total of 10 countries.  I have lived in the United States for 33 years, have had a passport for 20 years, and have been an American for 39.  But I think that what I identify with is the fact that I believe in something higher then myself.  So that identity outweighs everything else.  Shouldn't it?  Shouldn't my identity rest outside of this world?  

I believe that this world is only temporary.  I believe that I was privileged to be born in America, and have grown up here.  But do you know what I also am so very thankful for?  The chance that I have had to go outside of the United States.  You see for a long time in my travels I felt superior.  I felt like because I was an American I should just automatically be given privileges.  That being American meant I was better then those I encountered on my travels.  

It has taken a lot of years, and a lot of experiences to humble me and get me to a place where I don't see that as the truth.  I am proud to be an American.  I am thankful for those that have sacrificed their life.  But I don't think that Jesus' love means to put down every country that isn't American.  I don't think that Jesus' love means to only adhere to one specific political party.  Or one specific person over another.  

The truth is that we don't truly know who people are except to spend time with them.  Social media has brought about a façade, and you can basically be whoever you want to be online.  Some people are real, but I have found that most are fake.  I try my best to be the most authentic I can, but even I catch myself molding to those I'm around.  Trying to be who they want me to be, so that I can be accepted and liked by them.  

I'm sad that there are those that will write people off because they don't agree with them.  I am sad that we can't take the time to get to know someone outside of a screen. I am sad that in our identities, we place being American so high on the list, and being a kind, compassionate, human being so low.  I am sad that I can't just have a conversation with people about those differences without being ridiculed and mocked.  

But you know what I'm not sad about?  I am not sad that my identity is a foundation of love.  I may not always be loving and kind... but I sure do aim for it.  I may not always strive to understand where others are coming from, but I truly do aim to walk a mile in their shoes if I can.  

I'm not sad at all that I identify as a lover of Jesus first... and everything else next.  I know that it has kept me from some relationships that would otherwise be amazing.  But I'm not going to change my mind.  I am not going to lose my love, or my identity in it.