Back to Blogging

I feel like I have been neglecting my writing. I feel overwhelmed with life right now, and trying to settle into a routine is a bit harder than I imagined. I think it might be fine if it was just me I was worried about, but it isn't. I don't want to become a hermit, but I find myself just wanting to stay home most nights. I also find myself working on school stuff and never being caught up. 

Does life just keep getting busier with no way to stop you're feet from running to keep up? Maybe I have already lived out the slow-paced part of my life. Perhaps this new journey will be helping me to embark on the busiest years.

Here I am, back in Missouri. Teaching at a place I never thought I would teach, and an age group I honestly thought I wasn't meant for. But I'm loving it. I'm loving the fact that I can get in my car everyday and drive to work, the store or wherever I need to be. I'm loving the fact that I can say I'm praying for you and it is received with no condemnation. I'm loving the fact that I don't have to be worried about making a mistake.

A year ago I was on a plane to Kuwait. Today my life feels very much the opposite of that. I'm thankful for the journey of last year. It helped me to see where I should go from here. It helped me to be more patient, more kind, and more understanding. As a teacher, as a friend, and as a member of the community. I don't just want to settle back into the American way of life. I want to forever understand my community from the glasses I gained while I was overseas. 

To see people through their lenses, to understand that we aren't perfect, and to be able to bring about change.

Marshmallow and hot dogs on a stick!

That's right...today I experienced the Filipino way to eat hot dogs...with a marshmallow on top. Ummm....I didn't participate in case you were wondering. I don't think my body could handle the hot dogs here...so pretty sure the two mixed together would be horrible! Yikes! 

What struck me though is that might be the only part of this culture that I have learned about. That thought makes me so sad because I know that these people have roots and culture. I know that there is so much more to this country than what I have experienced. But it seems to be hidden beneath piles of deceit. Around every corner I hear desperation...I see people being used...people being misunderstood. How do we notice the world around us, when we feel like we are locked away from the truth of it?

I'm not leaving dissatisfied with my time here, but I am leaving wishing that I had known more. Wishing that I could have formed bonds that couldn't be so easily broken or torn apart. Wishing that the protective bubbles could be a little less and the vulnerability a little more.

 My students...they will be what I remember. Their quirky personalities. The way they changed and grew, but mostly the smiles and laughs I heard today!

Leaving

Leaving...

It has become a norm in my life. I have left so many places that I'm not actually sure what it might feel like to be somewhere for longer than 5 years. I want that though. A place to dig roots, to settle...to be a part of community. I almost had it once, but it wasn't time. 

So, here I am preparing to leave yet again. Excited to see what the next chapter brings...but also sad to say farewell. 

I have learned a lot this year. Starting in one country and moving to another. I have found my voice this year. A voice that I have been afraid of before now. My voice may not have been listened to, but I at least found it.

Life isn't easy when confined to the school grounds...but it has taught me to be thankful. 

I will leave here changed.....and perhaps a little more distrusting, but I will leave knowing where I belong...finally knowing where I need to be.

Coffee, Massage, and chicken wrap...

Today I decided to venture outside of the mall box that has been my social life for the past 8 months. I ventured into this place called Korea Town....which is basically our own little version of "Little Korea." It came about because last weekend we ventured out and I realized that there were great places around without having to go to the mall. Now I still have to take the school shuttle, but at least this way I don't have to fight for a seat at Starbucks. I don't have to make my way through crowds of people just to get groceries. I can simply just grab an hour massage, a cup of coffee...and be me without anyone else around. Even my current view is amazingly beautiful. 

So, I guess the moral of this story is, when you find yourself in a rut. When you feel like you just want to be depressed....do something to make yourself happy. For me massages, writing and coffee make me happy. Especially when I am so far away from home and people that I love. 

Scenery makes me happy. Just observing the world around me. I need to do more of that for the next month. I need to pray more and let my heart feel love. 

I haven't been able to do that because is have been wrapped up in my own depression....but today I start fresh. 

And enjoy the view!

And the coffee!

Career Changes?

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to teach. I'm good at it...I like doing it. But what if this restlessness I've been feeling is because I need to do something more? What if I need to look broader then the classroom. What if I need to expand into places beyond my reach? 

Today...

Tonight I decided to break away from my routine and come to a place where I could hang out drink some coffee and be away from the stress of living and working in the same place. In a week and a half I will go home. I'm so excited, this might actually be the most ready I have ever been to go back to the states. I mean I'm really ready. So ready in fact that I probably will have a really hard time coming back. I'm trying really hard to just enjoy the time I have. To see bast the obstacles that are slapping me in the face and to realize how lucky I am to be living here for this time. Instead I continue to get caught up in the negatives. I continue to just hope the days disappear, quickly. I don't really want life to pass me by. I don't really want to wake up and realize that I have no idea where the time went. But I also don't want to be unhappy. I want purpose again. I want love, and I want to understand the kids that I teach. 

I continue to get slammed with the fact that my students have no idea what the word independence means. They may never get it. Even the people I work with freak out when their nannies are gone for one day. Seriously? I don't know how to deal with that kind of life. I don't want to know either. 

How do I live in a world that treats people like crap because they make less money, or come from the wrong country? It makes me sick. 

Why I chose It Works! Global for my business...

Pretty much my whole life I have been in debt and overweight.  I am pretty sure that I can count only 2 seasons in my life when I felt good about what I looked like and the amount of money I was making.  I have never felt sorry for myself, well not for longer than a few minutes at a time anyways.  Mostly because I have seen how people in third world countries live, and I know that I do not have it rough at all.  I know that I should be thankful for all that I have been given. 

I can't help though but feel like I could do something more to change these two things.  They are my downfalls, the things that I just really do not like about myself.  I have sought out supplemental income while teaching, and even while not teaching.  I mean last year I was working a full-time job and a part-time job plus living with my Dad and Step-Mom to try and pay off some debt.  I still have just felt overwhelmed with how much money I owe for an education that I am thankful to have. 

I had looked into a couple of direct sale companies.  In fact I almost signed up right before I decided to go overseas again.  Looking back now I am so thankful that I didn't go that direction.  Not because that company isn't great, but because of the journey I have been embarking on for the last year. 

I want to be healthy...not just lose weight, but live a lifestyle that is healthy.  I have been juicing for a couple of months now.  I wish I could say that the weight has just melted off, but it hasn't.  I do feel better about myself though and I have a lot more energy.  It is funny how much energy I actually have when I juice, eat lots of greens, and work out.

For a couple of months I have been seeing this "crazy wrap thing" pop up on my FB feed, instagram, and here in the last two weeks twitter.  I actually didn't really pay any attention to it.  I checked out some of the before and after pics and then just kind of let it disappear from my mind.  I mean I am in the middle of trying to once again find another job.  So, don't really have time to be looking into businesses, and I will admit that I kind of thought that it was all a big scam.  I mean...come on a wrap? 

Then one of my friends from RH messaged me and asked me to check it out.  As soon as I did I knew that this is what I had been looking for.  First of all it is a team environment...people that actually care about you and want to see you succeed.  Second of all and maybe this should be the most important, this is a company that is helping people get out of debt.  My goal for myself is to be debt free.  I am really, really tired of living from paycheck to paycheck with no savings, and no way to even save with the income I am making now.  I want to pay off my college loans, my car, and my credit cards.  I want to be free of financial burden, but I am want to do something that helps sustain lives. 

I believe in the It Works! Global products.  I believe in the wrap, the greens, but most of all I believe in the company. 

A year ago I would have never dreamed I would be doing this.  I'm a teacher that's what I do, but what if my dream is bigger than just teaching (not that teaching is bad, because it isn't).  What if there are bigger plans in store for me, once I am debt free.  I have always felt like the fact that I was in so much debt has held me back from things that I really need and want to do.  So, this is why I am taking this step.  Living debt free is important, but living a healthy life is even more important. 

Here's to a new adventure...maybe some of you will join me for the ride!