Thursday, September 20, 2018

Two Sides to Every Story... Why I don't really care about your opinion....

A couple months ago I decided to stop posting political stuff because in my head I was like, "It's not really going to do any good."  Two months ago Tawnya was right.  We post and post, making comments, sometimes just reading the comments for fun... thinking that we are going to change someone's mind.  In reality most of the time when someone posts something, well at least in my case... I'm not actually interested in your opinion.  I know that is a crazy thing to say in this opinionated social media mixed-up world.  Most of the time when I post something, I genuinely believe in what I am posting, knowing full well that most of the people that I am "friends" with aren't going to agree with me. 

I'm completely fine when people don't agree with me.  In all reality when I stand before Jesus, the only person that I have to answer for is myself.  I am not going to answer for the President, or my next door neighbor, or even the person that posted the awful meme to my page that I don't even remotely agree with.  I don't account for any of those people.  I only account for myself.  Therefore you are allowed to think, and believe however you want. 

Here's the thing though, the minute you start name calling, degrading, or making fun of people for their opinion is the minute I lose all respect for you.  In my experience most of the people that are doing the name calling and degrading of others are the same people that claim to follow a God that loves everyone, and would NEVER stoop so low as to call someone a derogatory name based on their beliefs.  It is amazing to me how day after day I come across awful remarks that people have said to each other, and about one specific type of political party.  It amazes me how the same people preaching sacrificial love, are the  ones spewing hate for that same love. 

I'm not here to judge other people's lives, because honestly I have my own stuff that I need to deal with.  But I won't be party to people being rude, hateful, or derogatory.  Rape is never okay with me.  Hate is never okay with me. Making fun of someone that is disabled and using the R word is not okay with me.  These things aren't going to ever be okay with me.  But I know that not everyone sees these things as evil.  In fact a lot of people think that it is perfectly okay to rape someone when you are 17 because you are drunk, and never get held accountable for it.  Some people think that rape is just a part of life for women, and that every woman who cries "rape" is a liar.  Here's the thing, yes there are some women that have cried rape and it wasn't.  But you know what?  There are even more women that have been raped, and been too scared to tell anyone because they are afraid no one will believe them.  Better yet there are more women that have been raped, tried to tell someone and NO ONE believed them. 

But it is easier to just call the woman a liar, right?  It is easier to just believe the man, because after all men are the superior being, right?  It makes me sick to my stomach to think that there are girls out there being raped, molested, and abused that are too scared to go to their fathers, uncles, pastors because they are seeing what is going on in the news right now and questioning themselves.  Maybe they had been drinking, and he had been drinking, but she still said no, and he went ahead anyways and did what he wanted to do.  Then she turned on the news today, and saw where someone said that a 17 year old drunk male doesn't really know what he is doing, and therefore shouldn't be held accountable.  So, she stays quiet.  Because her Dad is on the church board, and has been a Republican his whole life, and she knows he won't understand.  She stays quiet because in her youth group last night the only thing people were talking about was what a liar this woman is and every woman for that matter, that rape if the girl is drunk means that she is partly to blame too because she got drunk in the first place.  So, she stays quiet, and doesn't  say a word.  Meanwhile the boy who raped her is sitting across from her in the same youth group.  He doesn't feel any remorse.  In fact he feels like he has just been given a green light.  It's okay what happened, because they were both drunk, and he didn't really know what he was doing.  He won't do it again.  Well at least not with her, next time it will be another girl, at another party, while his parents think he is at a friend's house studying for his upcoming exam. 

There are definitely two sides to every story.  The truth is that we hear the story that we want to hear.  We make excuses for those that we want to be in the right.  We put on blinders to those that we think are in the wrong.  In our society we automatically believe the white man first.  There is bias, whether you want to believe it or not.  We have grown up in such a way that our class and race does matter.  For me I want to take the time to understand the other side to the story.  Getting the facts, and looking them in the face.   When I have been able to see both sides without bias, and can make a decision based on that, then I have the right to voice my opinion against someone else's.  Meanwhile I really ought to keep my mouth shut. 

I also feel like there is this thing where people only comment when they have a problem with what you are posting.  Like oh.... I'm not going to like anything that you ever say, but how dare you post something that I don't agree with and then I am going to tell you that you are wrong.  Here's the thing....  get to know me.  Engage in conversation with me, and then we can talk about things.  But the minute you start just putting me down, and my opinions on something down without engaging in my life... well you aren't going to get very far.  You have a right to your opinion, but I also have the right to delete it, and not think about it again.  I listen more to people that actually take the time to get to know who I am as a person, not just pop in whenever they want to tell me that my opinion is wrong. 


This is why most of the time I am not going to care about your opinion, because most of the time when you are spouting off one insult after another you haven't take the time to actually do any research. Most of the time you are going off whatever little snipet you have just seen on social media that caught your eye.  The people I respect and want to engage in actual conversation with, are the ones that have actually taken the time to research and want to engage in a loving, kind way.. not just trying to make waves on FB. 

So, if you are still reading this, and you want to have an intelligent conversation about something that we disagree on, let me know... otherwise let's just keep doing what we do.... I won't interfere in your opinion and you don't interfere in mine. 

My Uncle and some other things....

I actually started this blog last month, and had to take a little break from it.  So here it is....

In August my Uncle passed away.  It was unexpected, and I still don't even know why it hit me as hard as it did, except for the fact that he was my last blood uncle left.  Also, my cousins (his kids) and I were only a year apart, one older than me and one younger than me.  Even though they moved to Michigan when we were all just kids, summer breaks, Christmas trips up to Michigan, and then later on Spring Break trips all made the distance not seem so far. 

Not every family is close, and probably there were years where I didn't really interact with him much at all or my cousins for that matter.   If FB and social media have been good for anything, it has helped in my opinion to bring people closer that live far apart.  FB allowed me a relationship with my Uncle that I wouldn't have had without it, I know that for sure.  Even though most of our interaction was based purely on politics, and him trying to rile me up by going against everything I agreed with, I am still super thankful for the interaction. 

This year my sisters and I along with my 2 cousins decided to have a cousin reunion.  The 5 of us make up the younger cousins on my Dad's side of the family.  We spent a lot of time together as kids.  As adults the time together has been defined by weddings, babies, and funerals.  Isn't that the case as we get older?  We don't take time out to just be with each other.  We only see each other on those special occasions. 

I'm so glad that we took the time to have our cousins reunion in Michigan this year.  I am even more glad that we took the time to go visit my Aunt and Uncle before our weekend adventure ended.  Those memories from that visit will be the ones that I hold deep in my heart.  Sitting at what used to be my Grandparent's table talking about various adventures.  Eating Little Caesar's pizza, and salad straight from the back deck and my Uncle's garden.  The moment when he wanted to start talking politics and my cousin told him we weren't doing that.  My only regret from that visit, is not getting a picture.  But here's the thing, I have the memory of his hug.  I have the memory of how he looked when he said good-bye.  Those things can't be caught in a picture.  The way his eyes lit up when he saw us, and we talked about old times. 

My Uncle was in a hunting accident about 23 years ago.  He fell out of a tree and became paralyzed from the waist down.  In the past 2 months I have learned a lot more about that accident than I ever knew before.  I was only in high school when he had the accident.  I didn't go up to Michigan to visit, my sisters and I stayed at home and another older cousin came to stay with us.  But I learned that my Uncle was only expected to live at the most another 10 years.  Most people that break their back don't live as long as he did.  Another thing I learned is that he never stopped helping people.  The reason he was loved by so many was because he was always wanting to help others.  He didn't know a stranger, and he was always willing to have anyone over at the drop of a hat.  He was an avid hunter and fisherman.  Probably one of the best.  Before my Grandparent's passed away he would come down to Missouri every hunting season.  I'm sure it wasn't an easy trip.  In fact it was probably pretty awful at times, but he made it anyways.  He made it because family and hunting were important to him.  He probably also did it, because my Grandma would wait on him hand and foot! 

My Uncle Randy could have given up on life.  He could have stopped hunting, and fishing.  He could have just sat around and let life pass him by.  In some ways I am sure he felt like he was doing that.  But to those of us looking in from the outside he wasn't at all the kind of man to just give up.  He kept going.  He did what he had to do to keep doing what he loved.  I am sure there were frustrating moments, you try not being able to walk for 20 plus years.  But you know what?  He never gave up.  I am sure as he was getting older it was harder and harder to be confined to a wheelchair.  I bet he would have given anything to get up and run around with his grandkids. 

We don't have any idea what tomorrow is going to bring.  We don't know where we are going to be or how long we have.  The best that we can do is make the most out of every second.  Our family and friends, don't always do things the way we wish they would.  In fact sometimes they do things quite opposite of what is expected.  But if I have learned anything at all from my Uncle, I have learned to never stop having adventures and doing the things that light up my life.  For me my greatest joys come from my faith, my friends, my family, and new adventures. 

In reflecting on the kind of man my Uncle was, I hope that I can take some of his adventure and compassion with me along the way.  I long to be a person that sees the good in everyone.  Someone that is able to help those around me, even when I have no energy left to be helpful.  I long to have faith that no matter what God is in control and has my BEST in mind. 

I hope this was a good tribute to him.  I know that I miss him like crazy, but I am so glad that I got to have him in my life for 37 years.  This world is a better place because of him.  Because of what he taught to others, what he gave the Missouri hunting community, and how he loved his family.  I'm thankful for an Uncle that showed me God's love and compassion for others.  May I always remember him, and what he brought to this world. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Loving the Life You Never Expected...

I'm at one of those crossroads that I often have where I am second guessing myself, my worth, and everything I've ever done with my life.  A Master's degree and I am working a job that doesn't even require a degree.  Sometimes it gets the best of me, the past two weeks have been one of those sometimes.  I have been feeling just so down on where I am at.  What I'm doing, and who I am impacting. 

Here's the thing.....  I know that my passion, what gets my heart going is not the work I am in right now.  My passion is teaching, kids, and being around them.  My passion is helping them to understand who they are, and what they are meant to be.  So, that makes me continue to question.  It makes me wonder how I got to this point.  How did I get so far in to a job that I am just willing to keep doing it because I need "a job." 

What does it mean to sacrifice?  What does it mean to let go of the toxic and just do what you need to do?  I have never not known what the next step was.  I have changed jobs a lot, yes.  But every time I have decided to switch jobs or careers I have had the next step lined up and knew exactly when and where my next check was coming from.  So, here I sit wondering if this time I need to just leap. 

It's not what I expected.  A few months ago I thought everything was lining up exactly the way I expected it to.  Apartment check, job check.  But the thing is that things don't always go as planned, right? 

I mean, heck I definitely thought by 37 I would be married and have kids.  So, do you press on in a place that is toxic and not allowing you to live life the way that you know you need to?  Or do you get out. 

I don't think that we were meant to be miserable.  I think that there is definitely things in our life that allow our heart to connect to those around us.  We have gifts and talents that we need to use.  Yes, we are called to be His hands and feet, but we aren't called to let others completely destroy us. 

So, here I am.  I'm leaving tomorrow to go celebrate the life of my Uncle.  It has been such a hard month.  He isn't commenting on any political posts that I share.  Everytime I share one, it breaks my heart a little more.  I miss his presence.  I miss his strength.  But mostly my heart breaks for my cousins and their kids because they lost such a huge piece of their everyday life. 

In this time of remembering I realize how lucky I am to even be able to go to a job.  I'm lucky that I can walk on two feet and go pretty much anywhere that I want to go.  Yet I continue to feel sorry for myself, put myself down, and seek fairness in a world that will never be fair. 

I'm going to love this life, no matter what happens next.  But I am also not going to just stay in a place that I don't feel wanted.  I am not into toxic relationships, or work environments.  So, I press on, knowing that this life, even if I don't expect it.... I will love it always!