I honestly do love February... it is one of my favorite months. Maybe because you can wear all the shades of pink and red together and no one bats an eye. Maybe I feel extra love this month? I'm not sure but I do love this month. Although it hasn't always been that way. Quite a few years ago now, I got my heart broken maybe the most it has ever been broken during this month. I won't go into the details because honestly the details aren't what matter, not really. What matters is that the pain that I felt, well it cost me a friendship. A very important friendship. One to this day that I miss. It has been over a decade now since that friendship left my life, and something triggered it this past week. I'm not sure exactly what happened that triggered the loss... but it was a very good and real reminder that the pain and hurt from the past has only made me better.
Valentine's Day used to make me cringe... and sometimes it still does. Mostly because everything has to be SO pricey. Like why do we have to commercialize love? It another way that our culture makes single people feel like they aren't enough....
I hope that one day I have a freaking awesome Valentine's Day. I hope that someone sweeps me off my feet, and does something amazing... but I am not going to feel sorry for myself because I don't have a date for Friday. Whether I always feel like it or not.. .I am enough... all on my own. I am not less of a person, it doesn't mean that I am the ugliest person in the world. And I don't have some fatal flaw that makes me repel every member of the opposite sex that I meet, even if it seems like it sometimes.
I want to celebrate love this year. The kind of love that sees other's weaknesses and loves them anyways. The kind of love that is there for people no matter what. The kind of love that wouldn't throw away a friendship, just because the other person wasn't meeting these unspoken standards that we often hold people too. Love isn't about what we can get from others. Love is about what we can give. I want to be the person that gives, an keeps on giving. I want to be the person that sees past the hot mess that we all are at times, an digs deep into knowing that story. I want to celebrate the fact that we are all different, and we each have a purpose.
So... even though I wish I was chilling on the couch with someone, or going to a movie, or some wild crazy adventure like joining some people on a trip to Ohio.... well I am going to embrace the fact that I am in a place where I do in fact feel wanted and loved. And that is one of the best places to be.
Tuesday, February 11, 2020
Thursday, February 6, 2020
Book #8 of 2020
The Language of Flowers
By Vanessa Diffenbaugh
I didn't know when I picked up this book at the library, how I wouldn't be able to put it down. How I would connect on this weird level with the girl in this book. Her story is one of never knowing her birth parents. She grew up in foster home after foster home... finally coming to the place at 10 years old that she thought she had found a permanent place. Then it was taken from her. Some of it of her own choices, and some of it because of the life that she had led. This story hits me on a personal level, because right now I have two foster nieces.
Fostering.. if it has never touched your life, well it leaves a mark on it quite different from any other marks. If you grew up in a loving home with two parents for the most part.... you don't know what it means to feel that kind of rejection. The rejection that is your birth parents not wanting you. As grown ups it is hard enough to let go of rejection... I can't wrap my mind around being rejected as a child.
So... to have two in our family that we get to love because other people can't, or won't whatever the case may be.. it feels like a really big privilege, and yet a burden all at the same time. Because it feels like until that adoption actually happens, if it ever happens they can be taken away at any moment. But does that mean that they don't need the same kind of love and care? No... in fact it means they need it even more.
So, no matter what your life might look like... if you have the chance in your life time of getting to impact a child in the foster care system... do it. Don't hold back love, and affection. Love them... completely all in, and without fear of rejection. Because most of the time they are kids that don't know what it means to be loved unconditionally. Most of the time they only know love with conditions. Most of the time, they push so hard that they have to go somewhere else. Most of the time love is broken.
In my own life I had great loving parents, I grew up in a good home. But it wasn't without its faults.. . of course. We all grow up in homes where mistakes were made, and we end up at times questioning our worth and value. Whether due to the home we were in, or the friends that surround us.
I'm learning what it means to have people in my life that choose to not walk away. I've always had this with my family. I know that they love me, but my friends well that's another story. I am learning what it means to have people in my life that are there for me, even when I get upset by the stupidest things, like a freaking snapchat streak. I am learning what it means to be able to be myself without questioning if someone is going to turn around and walk the other way because I don't think the way they do, or I have a little more of an opinion than I maybe once had.
I am learning what it means to love.
This book made me feel what it means to love, without conditions. To love despite how angry someone tries to make you or how much they push you away.
That's what we are called to do, right? It is a hard thing... love. It gets messy and confusing. We long to be loved for who we are, but we don't want to let people in close enough to love the real us. We want to be accepted, but we fear rejection so much that we put up walls once people are close enough to accept us all the way. We want to be all in, to this thing that we want so badly, but we are afraid that if we are honest... that it will mess it up.. .and it will disappear completely.
We can't put boundaries and walls around love. Not the love we want to receive and not the love we give to other people. Being all in, honesty, trust... it all helps lead us to a greater love. A love that goes beyond what we could ever hope for or imagine.
Here's to learning how to love... to accepting the love given by others, and realizing that not everyone is going to walk away.... sometimes people truly mean that their love is a no matter what kind of love.
By Vanessa Diffenbaugh
I didn't know when I picked up this book at the library, how I wouldn't be able to put it down. How I would connect on this weird level with the girl in this book. Her story is one of never knowing her birth parents. She grew up in foster home after foster home... finally coming to the place at 10 years old that she thought she had found a permanent place. Then it was taken from her. Some of it of her own choices, and some of it because of the life that she had led. This story hits me on a personal level, because right now I have two foster nieces.
Fostering.. if it has never touched your life, well it leaves a mark on it quite different from any other marks. If you grew up in a loving home with two parents for the most part.... you don't know what it means to feel that kind of rejection. The rejection that is your birth parents not wanting you. As grown ups it is hard enough to let go of rejection... I can't wrap my mind around being rejected as a child.
So... to have two in our family that we get to love because other people can't, or won't whatever the case may be.. it feels like a really big privilege, and yet a burden all at the same time. Because it feels like until that adoption actually happens, if it ever happens they can be taken away at any moment. But does that mean that they don't need the same kind of love and care? No... in fact it means they need it even more.
So, no matter what your life might look like... if you have the chance in your life time of getting to impact a child in the foster care system... do it. Don't hold back love, and affection. Love them... completely all in, and without fear of rejection. Because most of the time they are kids that don't know what it means to be loved unconditionally. Most of the time they only know love with conditions. Most of the time, they push so hard that they have to go somewhere else. Most of the time love is broken.
In my own life I had great loving parents, I grew up in a good home. But it wasn't without its faults.. . of course. We all grow up in homes where mistakes were made, and we end up at times questioning our worth and value. Whether due to the home we were in, or the friends that surround us.
I'm learning what it means to have people in my life that choose to not walk away. I've always had this with my family. I know that they love me, but my friends well that's another story. I am learning what it means to have people in my life that are there for me, even when I get upset by the stupidest things, like a freaking snapchat streak. I am learning what it means to be able to be myself without questioning if someone is going to turn around and walk the other way because I don't think the way they do, or I have a little more of an opinion than I maybe once had.
I am learning what it means to love.
This book made me feel what it means to love, without conditions. To love despite how angry someone tries to make you or how much they push you away.
That's what we are called to do, right? It is a hard thing... love. It gets messy and confusing. We long to be loved for who we are, but we don't want to let people in close enough to love the real us. We want to be accepted, but we fear rejection so much that we put up walls once people are close enough to accept us all the way. We want to be all in, to this thing that we want so badly, but we are afraid that if we are honest... that it will mess it up.. .and it will disappear completely.
We can't put boundaries and walls around love. Not the love we want to receive and not the love we give to other people. Being all in, honesty, trust... it all helps lead us to a greater love. A love that goes beyond what we could ever hope for or imagine.
Here's to learning how to love... to accepting the love given by others, and realizing that not everyone is going to walk away.... sometimes people truly mean that their love is a no matter what kind of love.
Tuesday, February 4, 2020
Book #7 of 2020 Of Mess and Moxie
Book #7
Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker
Oh how I love Jen Hatmaker… but this hasn't always been the case. My very first interaction with her... well listening to her was at the last Women of Faith Conference in KC. I think that was 4 or 5 years ago? Not sure... can't keep track. Anyways... she was one of the speakers, and things were going fine till she was talking about her kids... and I am not going to be able to quote her exactly but it was something like... "well they are going to give me grandbabies one day." And she said it in this way like... that was one of the highest treasures of having adult kids.... at least that is the way that I took it. It has taken me a long time to wrestle with that.. not only because I am not a mom, but neither of my sisters have been able to have biological children either. And so in my family... well my Mom her worth can't be found in her kids having kids.
That triggered something in me, and I guess still does because I just wrote a whole stinking paragraph about it. But it made me realize just how much value we put in people being parents and grandparents. I always knew this was the case, but the way she said it made it just that much more real. I am sure when my parents were raising us three girls, they thought that one day we would just all grow up, get married and have kids. I don't think it crossed their mind that we wouldn't. Most days I am okay with it, but I know that my parents would have been really good grandparents to any kids that I had. It still might happen.. I mean not the me actually having children part, but the me parenting children... it still could happen, but it is not going to be in the traditional way that our culture and society thinks it should....
But I have wrestled with that... and have decided that if I ever do see Jen face to face, we will have a conversation about it, but until then I will not hold it against her, because she didn't say it out of malice... she honestly just said it out of the desire to be a grandma one day.... and I think really just having the "parenting" part of her life over... at least in the story she was telling at the time.
So... it has taken me a little while to get on the Jen Hatmaker train... but I am on it, and I love her. I love her sarcastic way, it speaks to my soul. She helps me to know that there is not something completely fundamentally wrong with me because my main love language is sarcasm. She writes like we are in fact sitting on her front porch drinking a glass of prosecco (because that is my drink of choice). How I would love to have the kind of friends she speaks of.... the community of people that she has in her life. The kind of girl friends that all I have to do is text, and they will be over on my front porch with a bottle of prosecco and sit for hours just talking me out of whatever crazy emotional mess I have made of myself.
But I don't have that.... not right now. Maybe it will come one day soon... and maybe it won't ever be my story. For now I mourn for that life, but I am thankful for mine.
I don't have the kind of friends that can just drop everything and come over, because I am the friend that would be the one to do that. And I am okay with it, most days. Most days I am perfectly fine with giving my all to everyone.
Reading this book was just one of the best things for my soul right now. I needed to laugh and cry tonight. I needed to feel deeply. I needed to connect with the parts of Jen's book that remind me of my childhood in the 80's. When I was growing up, in my early childhood on both sides we lived close to our relatives. We were at my grandparent's quite often. My cousins still lived in the same town as we did, and we spent our childhood growing up around each other. My fondest memories are of times spent riding in golf carts, building snowmen, snow forts, watching for deer, hanging out in the garage while the deer were getting processed, going fishing, riding on the tractor, collecting eggs from the chickens, playing with chicks once they hatched, making banana bread, making up games upstairs, and playing cards around the table. My greatest memories are of my family. Even now though family time doesn't look like what we thought, I still value and love the time I get to spend with my family. My parents, sisters, step-siblings, step-siblings in law, brothers-in law, nieces are some of my most favorite people to spend time with.
Our family isn't perfect... but we genuinely have fun together.
A few of my favorite quotes:
"You can love truly, without conditions, without agenda, without a fork in the road, without disapproval, without fear, without obligation. You can love someone with a different ideology, different religious conviction, different sexual identity, ideas, background, ethnicity, opinions, different anything. You can love someone society condemns. You can love someone the church condemns. You have no other responsibility than to represent Jesus well, which should leave that person feeling absurdly loved, welcomed, cherished. There is no other end game. You are not anyone's savior, you are a sister." page 82
"You are not required to save the world, or anyone for that matter with your art. It isn't valuable only if it rescues or raises money or makes an enormous impact. It can simply be for the love of it. That is not frivolous or selfish in the slightest. If the only person it saves is you, that's enough." page 95
"Be the friend you'd love to have, call to the deep, and you will attract the treasured kind of friends like sunlight, like a lightning rod, like honey. page 212
"We promised our kids early an often: You can tell us anything. We won't freak out. You can't shock us. Nothing is a deal breaker, and everything is up for discussion." page 236 (so my favorite thing)
"They are going after all, mamas. Let's send them off adored, believed in, enjoyed, treasured, lest they forget that until our last breath, our doors are always open, our tables will always be full of food, their people are welcomed with open arms, and no matter what they say, they will always be ours." page 240
"May we be people who endure with one another well, slow to formulize and quick to empathize, because life is so very hard and until God reweaves all things, people are dying for a cold cup of water in their pain." page 249
This last quote... may I walk everyday in a way that shows empathy to those around me, more than formulizing judgements for their lives and decisions.
Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker
Oh how I love Jen Hatmaker… but this hasn't always been the case. My very first interaction with her... well listening to her was at the last Women of Faith Conference in KC. I think that was 4 or 5 years ago? Not sure... can't keep track. Anyways... she was one of the speakers, and things were going fine till she was talking about her kids... and I am not going to be able to quote her exactly but it was something like... "well they are going to give me grandbabies one day." And she said it in this way like... that was one of the highest treasures of having adult kids.... at least that is the way that I took it. It has taken me a long time to wrestle with that.. not only because I am not a mom, but neither of my sisters have been able to have biological children either. And so in my family... well my Mom her worth can't be found in her kids having kids.
That triggered something in me, and I guess still does because I just wrote a whole stinking paragraph about it. But it made me realize just how much value we put in people being parents and grandparents. I always knew this was the case, but the way she said it made it just that much more real. I am sure when my parents were raising us three girls, they thought that one day we would just all grow up, get married and have kids. I don't think it crossed their mind that we wouldn't. Most days I am okay with it, but I know that my parents would have been really good grandparents to any kids that I had. It still might happen.. I mean not the me actually having children part, but the me parenting children... it still could happen, but it is not going to be in the traditional way that our culture and society thinks it should....
But I have wrestled with that... and have decided that if I ever do see Jen face to face, we will have a conversation about it, but until then I will not hold it against her, because she didn't say it out of malice... she honestly just said it out of the desire to be a grandma one day.... and I think really just having the "parenting" part of her life over... at least in the story she was telling at the time.
So... it has taken me a little while to get on the Jen Hatmaker train... but I am on it, and I love her. I love her sarcastic way, it speaks to my soul. She helps me to know that there is not something completely fundamentally wrong with me because my main love language is sarcasm. She writes like we are in fact sitting on her front porch drinking a glass of prosecco (because that is my drink of choice). How I would love to have the kind of friends she speaks of.... the community of people that she has in her life. The kind of girl friends that all I have to do is text, and they will be over on my front porch with a bottle of prosecco and sit for hours just talking me out of whatever crazy emotional mess I have made of myself.
But I don't have that.... not right now. Maybe it will come one day soon... and maybe it won't ever be my story. For now I mourn for that life, but I am thankful for mine.
I don't have the kind of friends that can just drop everything and come over, because I am the friend that would be the one to do that. And I am okay with it, most days. Most days I am perfectly fine with giving my all to everyone.
Reading this book was just one of the best things for my soul right now. I needed to laugh and cry tonight. I needed to feel deeply. I needed to connect with the parts of Jen's book that remind me of my childhood in the 80's. When I was growing up, in my early childhood on both sides we lived close to our relatives. We were at my grandparent's quite often. My cousins still lived in the same town as we did, and we spent our childhood growing up around each other. My fondest memories are of times spent riding in golf carts, building snowmen, snow forts, watching for deer, hanging out in the garage while the deer were getting processed, going fishing, riding on the tractor, collecting eggs from the chickens, playing with chicks once they hatched, making banana bread, making up games upstairs, and playing cards around the table. My greatest memories are of my family. Even now though family time doesn't look like what we thought, I still value and love the time I get to spend with my family. My parents, sisters, step-siblings, step-siblings in law, brothers-in law, nieces are some of my most favorite people to spend time with.
Our family isn't perfect... but we genuinely have fun together.
A few of my favorite quotes:
"You can love truly, without conditions, without agenda, without a fork in the road, without disapproval, without fear, without obligation. You can love someone with a different ideology, different religious conviction, different sexual identity, ideas, background, ethnicity, opinions, different anything. You can love someone society condemns. You can love someone the church condemns. You have no other responsibility than to represent Jesus well, which should leave that person feeling absurdly loved, welcomed, cherished. There is no other end game. You are not anyone's savior, you are a sister." page 82
"You are not required to save the world, or anyone for that matter with your art. It isn't valuable only if it rescues or raises money or makes an enormous impact. It can simply be for the love of it. That is not frivolous or selfish in the slightest. If the only person it saves is you, that's enough." page 95
"Be the friend you'd love to have, call to the deep, and you will attract the treasured kind of friends like sunlight, like a lightning rod, like honey. page 212
"We promised our kids early an often: You can tell us anything. We won't freak out. You can't shock us. Nothing is a deal breaker, and everything is up for discussion." page 236 (so my favorite thing)
"They are going after all, mamas. Let's send them off adored, believed in, enjoyed, treasured, lest they forget that until our last breath, our doors are always open, our tables will always be full of food, their people are welcomed with open arms, and no matter what they say, they will always be ours." page 240
"May we be people who endure with one another well, slow to formulize and quick to empathize, because life is so very hard and until God reweaves all things, people are dying for a cold cup of water in their pain." page 249
This last quote... may I walk everyday in a way that shows empathy to those around me, more than formulizing judgements for their lives and decisions.
Emotions, Understanding and Dealing with the Past...
What do you do when someone does something in your past that hurts you? Do you hold on to it, and let it bring you down in every part of your life, or do you pick yourself up and keep going. I have had a couple conversations in the past few weeks with people that made me realize that we all truly do have different ways of seeing the world. Some of us are just get up and goers. Things bring us down, but instead of dwelling on it, and letting it fester, and cause bitterness and anger we pick ourselves up and move past it. Others of us dwell. We let it mess with every interaction that we have. We let it change the way we see others. We allow it to control us in a way that we can't see past it. We can't forgive and move forward.
I have had my own times of people being unkind to me, or doing things that hurt me in a way I didn't think I would ever get over it. I have had people say and do things that caused me to be afraid of future relationships and friendships. I still sometimes am afraid that people will all of a sudden just stop being my friend, or they will all of a sudden unload 20 years worth of things they have been holding in that I had no idea that was how they felt. I am afraid of those things, because they have happened.
The thing is, I have a choice every time something happens. Every time someone engages with me in a way that I find offensive, or hurtful. I have the choice to let it damage me, and dwell on it, or to see it for what it is, deal with it and move on. The crazy thing about this world is that we are not going to see things the same way as others. That is our uniqueness. That is why the world is so diverse, because we are diverse. I don't want people to see things the same way I do! That would be SO boring! I want to have conversations with others that help me to see things a different way. I don't thrive on arguing, but I do thrive on conversations that help me to see other's perspectives.
If we get hurt, and continue in a pattern of unforgiveness then we are going to live life bitter and angry. We are always going to see the things people are "doing" to us, not for us.
I hope that my life can be lived bouncing back from the things that people say or do with forgiveness, empathy, and love. No one owes me anything. Their friendship with me no matter how much or little, is a gift. I am not entitled to other people doing things for me or being there for me. Yes, do I hope that they will.. of course. But my job isn't to go around complaining when people don't meet my expectations. My job is to give, love, and be there to hopefully show them that no matter what they do... I will always be there for them.
The past will always be there... the hurts, the pains, the things that we wish weren't a part of who we are today. But as we work through those things... we have a job to do... to let go of those things, and move forward. Forgive people, let them in... love them beyond ourselves... I think that is the greatest thing we can give this world.
Book #6 of 2020 In the Sanctuary of Outcasts
In the Sanctuary of Outcasts by Neil White
This memoir was very eye opening for me. It is about a man who is sentenced to a year in a prison that doubles as a leper colony of sorts. I actually picked it up because it was on this list of best books to read. I really enjoyed the journey that this man took. He went from being all about making the most money, and being known. Like his purpose before being put in this place was about being the best... but the book is his transformation from that man to one that recognizes that the recognition of being the best is nothing compared to the relationships of knowing people. At least that is what I got out of it. We can all so easily get sucked into our lives, and doing things that are causing harm to those around us, but we just can't stop. Like we know what a mess it is making but we keep doing it, until something breaks us of that habit.
So for me this book helped me to really examine my life. To think about the things that I had gotten stuck in, the things that I just wasn't dealing with. Sometimes being an adult means facing those things that we don't want to face. The things that we know we have made poor decisions about, and changing it for the better.
Also.... this book helped me to face my own bias about Lepers, or those that are "different" from me. It is amazing to think about how certain members of our nation and dour world have been cast out in so much of our history. Hopefully we continue to learn from that history.
This memoir was very eye opening for me. It is about a man who is sentenced to a year in a prison that doubles as a leper colony of sorts. I actually picked it up because it was on this list of best books to read. I really enjoyed the journey that this man took. He went from being all about making the most money, and being known. Like his purpose before being put in this place was about being the best... but the book is his transformation from that man to one that recognizes that the recognition of being the best is nothing compared to the relationships of knowing people. At least that is what I got out of it. We can all so easily get sucked into our lives, and doing things that are causing harm to those around us, but we just can't stop. Like we know what a mess it is making but we keep doing it, until something breaks us of that habit.
So for me this book helped me to really examine my life. To think about the things that I had gotten stuck in, the things that I just wasn't dealing with. Sometimes being an adult means facing those things that we don't want to face. The things that we know we have made poor decisions about, and changing it for the better.
Also.... this book helped me to face my own bias about Lepers, or those that are "different" from me. It is amazing to think about how certain members of our nation and dour world have been cast out in so much of our history. Hopefully we continue to learn from that history.
Friday, January 24, 2020
Book #5 of 2020
Book #5 of 2020
The Sun Down Motel
Simone St. James
This was my book of the month club book for this month. It is rare that I actually finish the book in the month that I get it! But I am SO glad that I finished this one! It was way out of the norm of books that I normally choose. I am usually not one for ghost stories.
This story was told in a way that flipped back and forth from 20 years in the past to present time. I don't want to ruin any of it, but I do want to say that it is totally worth the read. But only if you can handle ghost stories that take place at run-down motels! It definitely kept me awake some nights!
I also couldn't put it down!
The Sun Down Motel
Simone St. James
This was my book of the month club book for this month. It is rare that I actually finish the book in the month that I get it! But I am SO glad that I finished this one! It was way out of the norm of books that I normally choose. I am usually not one for ghost stories.
This story was told in a way that flipped back and forth from 20 years in the past to present time. I don't want to ruin any of it, but I do want to say that it is totally worth the read. But only if you can handle ghost stories that take place at run-down motels! It definitely kept me awake some nights!
I also couldn't put it down!
Monday, January 20, 2020
When Friendship Overcomes...
Friendship... it used to be something that I was always trying to define... what makes a friendship real? How do I live in this place where I feel like I am always the one reaching out. How do I get to a place where I am secure in my friendships? Will I ever be secure in my friendships?
I feel like 2020 has already taught me a lot about this! I have some friends that are really helping me to understand what true friendship means, and how to be a good friend. You see I think that we set up these expectations for our friends, and then when they don't meet our expectations then we get so bent out of shape about it. But the thing is that we actually don't really have the right to put expectations on anyone. That is not our job at all. I know some people aren't going to agree with me, and that's okay.
I've thought a lot about this... and most of the time when someone disappoints me it is because I am trying to put my expectations on them. I know how I treat others, and I automatically think that other people should treat me that way too! But that is not the case at all. We have to believe people when they say they care about us. Not everyone can help us out the way that we would like for them to. We want them to drop everything for us... but unfortunately that can't always happen.
So what do we do, when we feel like no one is there for us? When we feel like people should be giving us more of themselves then they are? Do we get mad, and post things on social media saying how no one is there for us? Do we lay crying in our bed crying about how people don't care? Maybe.... I've done that before. In the past I feel like my reaction has been just that.
But here lately I have had some people show me that friendship doesn't have to be this overwhelming thing that we make it into. We can care about each other just as much even if we can't spend the time together that we might want, or can't do all the things that we would like to do for our friends. I am a giver... I love doing things for other people. It is one of my most favorite things... but I can't always do it. I also don't always have the capacity for being around certain people because they are so needy or so demanding. So... I have to take people in small doses.
But I have had a couple people recently show me what friendship means. The kind of friendship that accepts me and loves me for exactly who I am. Without this need to prove to each other that we value the other person. The kind of friendship that just flows. Even when you haven't seen that person for awhile.... you can pick up the phone and talk to them, and you just know that friendship no matter what future brings... it is helping you to be the best version of yourself.
Sometimes I think we forget that life doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Sometimes I think we forget that it is okay to just laugh and have a good time. We need that in our lives. We need to be able to have a good time.
I guess what I am saying is this... we all need people in our life that we can just be ourselves around. We need people that will see through the bullshit, and call us out when we are being insecure or putting expectations on others that don't need to be there. We need people in our life that we can laugh with over really stupid, inappropriate things.... they help us see the world a little less serious. They help us live in this place where we don't have to live up to these crazy expectations that we have put on each other.
I'm thankful to have found those kind of friends. Because in this life... the best kind of friendships help you overcome the worst parts of yourself. It is not because they don't see those parts, but because they help you to work through those parts, and they love you for those weaknesses. They love you for all of you!
I feel like 2020 has already taught me a lot about this! I have some friends that are really helping me to understand what true friendship means, and how to be a good friend. You see I think that we set up these expectations for our friends, and then when they don't meet our expectations then we get so bent out of shape about it. But the thing is that we actually don't really have the right to put expectations on anyone. That is not our job at all. I know some people aren't going to agree with me, and that's okay.
I've thought a lot about this... and most of the time when someone disappoints me it is because I am trying to put my expectations on them. I know how I treat others, and I automatically think that other people should treat me that way too! But that is not the case at all. We have to believe people when they say they care about us. Not everyone can help us out the way that we would like for them to. We want them to drop everything for us... but unfortunately that can't always happen.
So what do we do, when we feel like no one is there for us? When we feel like people should be giving us more of themselves then they are? Do we get mad, and post things on social media saying how no one is there for us? Do we lay crying in our bed crying about how people don't care? Maybe.... I've done that before. In the past I feel like my reaction has been just that.
But here lately I have had some people show me that friendship doesn't have to be this overwhelming thing that we make it into. We can care about each other just as much even if we can't spend the time together that we might want, or can't do all the things that we would like to do for our friends. I am a giver... I love doing things for other people. It is one of my most favorite things... but I can't always do it. I also don't always have the capacity for being around certain people because they are so needy or so demanding. So... I have to take people in small doses.
But I have had a couple people recently show me what friendship means. The kind of friendship that accepts me and loves me for exactly who I am. Without this need to prove to each other that we value the other person. The kind of friendship that just flows. Even when you haven't seen that person for awhile.... you can pick up the phone and talk to them, and you just know that friendship no matter what future brings... it is helping you to be the best version of yourself.
Sometimes I think we forget that life doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Sometimes I think we forget that it is okay to just laugh and have a good time. We need that in our lives. We need to be able to have a good time.
I guess what I am saying is this... we all need people in our life that we can just be ourselves around. We need people that will see through the bullshit, and call us out when we are being insecure or putting expectations on others that don't need to be there. We need people in our life that we can laugh with over really stupid, inappropriate things.... they help us see the world a little less serious. They help us live in this place where we don't have to live up to these crazy expectations that we have put on each other.
I'm thankful to have found those kind of friends. Because in this life... the best kind of friendships help you overcome the worst parts of yourself. It is not because they don't see those parts, but because they help you to work through those parts, and they love you for those weaknesses. They love you for all of you!
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