Yikes! I didn't realize that it has almost been a whole month since I blogged! Where did the time go? Ahhh....I am so not ready for my life to keep going at this crazy speed.
Here I am a week away from being 35. I am not really sure how to understand everything that is the age of 35. I don't feel almost 35. I don't even really feel in my 30's. Maybe that is how everyone feels? Do we all just feel like we don't ever age? Oh sure, my body is definitely telling me that the aging process is coming more rapidly then I really want it to. But here I am sitting down to write my list of 40 things I want to accomplish before I turn 40. That's in 5 freaking years! How crazy is that???
When I think about my 35 years, I am pretty overwhelmed by all that I have been through, all that I have overcome. Even more I am pretty amazed by how much I have changed and grown over the past year especially. How I have allowed my mistakes to change me instead of define me. How I have embraced the mess that I am, and grasped a hold of the amazing woman I am evolving into.
Every single day I understand more and more of why I was put on this earth. I don't always get things right. My heart gets hurt, I get emotional, I misunderstand, but you know what I can say this... EVERY SINGLE DAY I AM MAKING A DIFFERENCE! That's what matters. My heart loves life. My heart loves people!
This hasn't always been true for me. There was a time when I thought that I would be better off if I didn't come in contact with others. There was a time when I allowed the lies that I didn't make a difference, or that I was too much to crush me. I allowed them to define me. I allowed them to build a wall around me.
That wall has slowly been disappearing brick by brick. It is not completely down yet. In fact sometimes I feel like the bricks are only loosened just a little, especially the ones that have been pushed in with scoop after scoop of cement. You know the ones that I just can't quite let go of yet, because they hold the deepest parts of me away. They protect me, if only a little bit.
In my growth of my walls being torn down, I have found myself disappointed that others aren't at the same point I am. I have found myself longing for authentic friendships and relationships with people that just aren't there yet. It has hurt me, made me sad, and in some cases made me feel like I wasn't good enough for them to trust. The truth is that we all have our own journey. We all are at different places. But, when we find those people...the ones who are willing to let us help them break those bricks...that is when life seems really worth living in community.
My hope and prayer is that I keep finding those people. My hope and prayer is that I am able to help others break down the walls that have been broken down for me. My hope and prayer is that in these next 5 years, I will dive even further into the land of loving people where they are. Of being a listening ear without trying to solve any problems, and of one day finding someone who can be that for me as well.
Community, tribe, love, authenticness...these are all words that make my heart swell. These are all words that have come to have real meaning for me, especially in the last year. I am so thankful and blessed. I am so overwhelmed by how God moves to show His love.
Below is my 40 before 40 list....
I am pretty sure it is set, but I am also allowing myself the grace to change it if I want to. So there might be revisions as I go about these next 5 years. But on my list I put realistic things. Not dreams, but things that I can make happen. There are some things I would love to add to my list, but they are not in my control. Those things will continue to be in my heart, and maybe one day they can be added. But for now, they remain a prayer.....
These are in complete random order.....
#1 Attend a Renaissance Festival
#2 Celebrate New Year's in New York City and watch the ball drop!
#3 Pay School Loans down
#4 Go Skydiving
#5 Get a tattoo
#6 Drive the Pacific Coast Highway all the way down California
#7 See a show on Broadway
#8 Get to know 5 good wine and cheese pairings, and host a wine tasting
#9 Hike some of the PCT
#10 Get in the best shape of my life
#11 Go skinnydipping
#12 Go to an Art Museum once a year
#13 Visit Napa Valley
#14 Go on a cruise
#15 Learn how to cook Risotto
#16 Go geocaching
#17 Meet a hero (Mandy Hale, Glennon Doyle, Cheryl Strayed)
#18 Be open to new dating opportunities
#19 Take the ultimate U.S. Road Trip (solo)
#20 Read every book by C.S. Lewis
#21 Learn to Knit
#22 Take Spanish and be able to hold a conversation
#23 Read 100 books
#24 Get a hair cut at a fancy salon
#25 Cook/Bake all my gma's recipes
#26 See a show at The Fox
#27 Read the Bible Cover to Cover each year
#28 Drink tea instead of coffee in the afternoon
#29 Run the Bolder Boulder
#30 Watch every film on AFI top 100
#31 Go to the doctor/dentist/eye doctor as recommended
#32 Complete a 1/2 marathon
#33 Write a short story
#34 Take a 24 hour solitude/no phone retreat 4 times a year
#35 Pray everyday
#36 Donate 2% of income each year to charity
#37 Try yoga
#38 Send 10 letters a year to friends far away
#39 Make something crafty and sell it
#40 Build my business
I'm pretty proud of my list. I think it is doable! I have a week to prepare! :)