Thursday, December 4, 2014

Dancing 4

If I was younger I would ask you to dance,
to feel the warmth of your embrace

If I was younger I would know just what to say,
to spur you on to great things on this day

If our lives were different we might not have to fight,
if our lives were different we might be able to see more light

The truth of our hearts, is that we were always far apart
we couldn't make it work despite so many dreams we set up

If I was younger I would be able to say
it doesn't matter there will be someone else one day

If I was younger I wouldn't have to worry,
jobs and money aren't important when you don't have to make a living

If I was younger I would climb the mountain for you,
when I got to the top I would shout out just how much I love you

My heart breaks at the thought of moving on
it isn't what I hoped and its hard to think of what is to come

If I was younger I would think before I spoke,
I would be able to encourage our lives on similar paths,
and make it last 

Christmas Lights

Days of Blogging....3

Last night I was driving home and looked around at all the Christmas lights.  It is something that I think most people take for granted.  If you have ever lived in another country or even in another place you know what I am talking about.  Christmas is just different in America.  I don't know if it is the cooler weather, or if it is the fact that every single house in my neighborhood seems to have its own personality with the various degrees of lights that make it up. 

I still just get this feeling everytime I am driving around and see Christmas lights.  I love makes me happy.  I love being back here for Christmas. 

Yet there is a part of my heart that wants to keep moving.  A part of me is scared to settle down here.  Just like the Christmas lights that only appear once a year I feel like my life is a constant change of events.  I feel like I go from one day to the next not really knowing where my stability is going to be.  Forcing me to take a deep breath and wonder when it will be my time to feel at home.  When will I be able to finally make a life for myself?  When will I feel  home?????? 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Entitlement...are we breeding it?

31 Days...... Post #2

The last few weeks I have been hit with this feeling that we in America are breeding a generation or several generations that feel entitled.  Entitled to have everything they want without working for it.  Entitled to not have to do what they don't want to do.  Entitled toward everything that past generations would have never even dreamed of having.  Why are we so entitled?  Why are the kids we are raising up becoming more and more entitled on a daily basis.  Or has it just always been this way, and I just never understood until I became 30ish?  

It makes me so very sad to look at kids/adults and see them waste a perfectly good life.  It's a waste because I feel like they just think that they are entitled to anything and everything.  It is not okay to rob people, it is not okay to talk about people behind their backs, it is not okay to disrespect your elders just because they don't do everything the way you want!  It is not okay!  Just because you are from a family that doesn't have to struggle that doesn't mean that you get to bully the rest of the world around.  That doesn't mean that your money can buy people off...or does it?  

Maybe that's it...maybe we have just become a society where the more money you have the less you have to worry about your voice being heard.  Money talks, right?  Or is it just the fact that kids know WAY more at younger ages then I would have ever DREAMED of knowing?  Maybe it is that.   I feel like I am in a world where talking about someone dying because of drugs or alcohol is just second nature.  I feel like I am in a place where there is no compassion for death, no compassion for those that are committing crimes.  

Something is wrong when people have lost their compassion and replaced it with entitlement.  Something is wrong when we can no longer look at our neighbor and see his or her pain.  Something is wrong when we ALWAYS put ourselves first.  Something is wrong when all we talk or think about is violence, or every word out of our mouth is negative.  

Something is wrong when we expect people to just give us things, and when we don't get them....instead of pushing through and figuring out a compromise...we just run away.  Or we teach our kids to just run away.  

We are ALL fighting battles that NO ONE knows about.  We are ALL walking a path that we didn't EXPECT.  We are ALL just trying to MAKE a life for ourselves.  

So why do WE think that WE DESERVE more than our neighbor.  Why do WE THINK that we don't have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes????????

Why do we feel that living in America means we are better than anyone else?  Why do we cease to see the NEEDS right around the CORNER, and instead FOCUS only on WHAT we WANT, and WHAT we will BENEFIT from whatever is going on?  



Monday, December 1, 2014

31 Days of Christmas Blogging....

Today I decided was the day...31 days of Christmas blogging.  Not sure what these next 31 days will be like, but I miss writing.  I miss just getting my thoughts out there into the world of blogs....wondering who cares enough to read it, or who might one day read it.  So here we go......

Day 31.....

There are now 30 days left till the end of the year.  I can hardly believe that another year has come and gone.  This year I started my year off in another country, wishing I was back in Missouri so I could be with a certain boy...

Well what we wish for isn't always what we really need.  It has taken a lot for me to realize that my dreams aren't necessarily what I believed them to be.  I had some tough things happen this year.   It seems tough things happen every year.  I guess that is life though, right?  Just when you think you have made it through one obstacle...BAM!  You are whacked over the head with something even more dramatic then the thing that happened before.  

When I was 16 I remember thinking...when I'm is going to be so great.  I'm going to know where I'm going...I'm going to have control over everything.  Then I turned 18, and realized it wasn't true.  So I thought....I can't wait till I turn 21....I can drink....I can be that much closer to "real life."  Then I turned 21, and guess what?????  I still had NO IDEA what I was doing.  

There were so many age milestones.....25.....30.....and now I am 33 and guess what I still have NO IDEA how to be a grown-up.  I really don't!  

The thing is though the older I get the more I just stopped caring about being a grown-up.  I don't have it all figured out.  I don't think I ever will.  I am just living my life, the best that I know how.  

These last few weeks have made me realize just how mean and cruel people can be.  Sometimes we are mean because we are hearing truth from others that we don't want to hear.  Sometimes we are mean because we aren't getting our way. Sometimes we are mean because we feel like it is the only way to protect ourselves from getting hurt.  Sometimes we are mean because we feel like if we are nice people might see the real us, and might see the vulnerability that is inside.  

For me the next 30 days I want to be about being vulnerable.  About being real.  About not hiding behind this mask that I have created for myself, and about loving those around me.  

Love means being vulnerable.  Love means opening up to whatever comes your way.  Love means letting go of all the apprehension and judgement that we feel and just being us.  Being the imperfect, human beings that we were created to be.  In this great big mess of a world....I am happy to just be me.